EverLastluv Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 I dont know if I'm overreacting, I would explaing if anyone have any imput I would like to know. My sister-in - law had a surgery wednesday. I totally forget all about it, In the evenig I was over by the building she live in waiting for my fiance to come out. The both of them live in the same building. I finally get a hold of my sister in law today, her respond to me was she was upset with me because " I was over that side and I did not go upstairs to see how she doing since she came out of surgery that day" she included also that my fiance sister went to visit with her and said " how is it I came to pick up her brother and never come to visit? " My sister in law had now Idea I was over there until fiance sis open her mouth. In my mind, My fiance mom/sis knew I was outside waiting for my fiance come out, wouldnt they call me or mention to my fiance to remind me my sister in law came out of surgery that same day " they know I just came out from work and was heading home with no intention of coming out back " ... to go see her ?? My sister in law also upset I did not remember her birthday and again I did not remember. MY fiance mom/sis went over for the b-day but never call to let me know anything that day. Me and fiance was out spending time together but still could had stop in with a present. I call my fiance to explain to him he just jump out of conclusion saying a bunch of stuff that dont make any sense. When my fiance mom wants to go to anywhere I always go out of my way for them. Am I over reacting or is my fiance not understand that his family just wants to be vendictive?
mammasita Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 Remind yourself. Do you have a smart phone? Set up reminders in your calendar. I do it because I routinely forget birthdays. It's terrible. If you don't have a smart phone grab a calendar and put it up by your front door, write important things on it so you can see it on your way out everyday. Honestly it's not anyone else's responsibility to remind you. Good luck. 3
JamesM Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 As an adult, we learn responsibility. When we are told things, we either remember them or write them down if we have poor memories. Forgetting is normal, but consistent forgetfulness is not being responsible. A surgery is a big deal, and to some forgetting means a lack of caring...even if you did not mean it that way. Your job is to apologize and admit your fault. Then move on and find a way to remember more often. 2
jellybean89 Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 How old are you? Use your smart phone's calendar app. As we grow up and mature, we should remember events of those we care about. And because of smart phones, those of us with bad memories can have help in remembering. 1
pink_sugar Posted April 19, 2014 Posted April 19, 2014 I agree with the other posters. Do you have any sort of ADHD? I know my husband was diagnosed with borderline inattentiveness which usually results inattentiveness and is often associated with forgetfulness. If this really is an issue for you, you can look into being diagnosed and there is also medication that helps. But logging items into your phone is a good idea. 1
Author EverLastluv Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 Yes, I have a smart phone (Need to start using it ) my 12year daughter always on it, I hardly use my phone. My best freind who knows me for many years explains to me that I only remember things thats seriously important to "me" not anyone else. For example for many years she calls me everytime its her daughters b-day cause I never remeber, she has 4 daughters. I seem to remember things, ONLY if its part of my everyday life. MY freind lives in florida, my sister-in law never come to visit with me but lives in the same building as my fiance. I spend lots of time with my fiance and his family. Althought my sister in law lives there I hardly ever stop in to visit with her. I think she feels I "owe" her that much as she was the one that introduce me to my fiance. Before I did not know my fiance, my sister in law and I was never close, she never ever visit me. I always be the one going over to visit with her.My fiance mom/sis is more closer they see each other everyday. I still dont get it, Why my fiance/fam could not have reminded me of certain things. I'm always there with them helping out doing things for them etc FYI... over the weekend, I still did not went to visit/call my sister in law. I am a hundred persent sure my visit is not important! she just over reacted stupidly cause I always be doing things for my fiance mom.
CC12 Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 I still dont get it, Why my fiance/fam could not have reminded me of certain things. Because it's not their job. They have enough on their minds, and it's unreasonable to expect them to add "Remind EverLastLuv of a thing she already knows about" to their list of personal responsibilities. Also, it's pretty socially awkward and/or impolite to keep reminding other people of your own events. That's probably the biggest reason they don't do it. Like, if I had surgery, I would tell the people closest to me about it ONCE. I wouldn't remind them about it the day before, and I wouldn't hit them up if I knew they were outside my house to visit someone else. But I probably would feel hurt that they either forgot or purposely didn't come see me. Since you don't seem to think you've done anything wrong, I'm betting that you're not willing to change your behavior. So please understand that if you continue doing what you're doing, you are going to keep hurting people's feelings or make them think you don't care about them. If you're okay with that, then don't change a thing. 1
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