It's time to move on..

[Ameee]

I posted a few days ago in the infidelity forum and that basically has our whole story in it. Long story short, I have been with my fiancé for the past 8 years and have a 6yr old daughter together. I've had suspicion for almost 5 months now that he was having an emotional affair with someone at his job. He denied it, denied it when I got an anonymous letter stating that he was, and denied it even after I got phone records. He was very distant from me and back in feb he had an epiphany that he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me. Last Friday I busted him while he was on a date with her. I of course flew off the handle. I still told him that I want things to work, I don't want my family broken up but he wouldn't promise that he would stop speaking w her. Things for the past week have been as awkward as ever. I am crushed and I try to still be kind and loving to him. I put him through something slightly similar last year, which is written in my other post. So I feel like I want to be the better person and friend to him. It just hurts too much, so it's time for me to go. I am going to go and stay with my parents until I can get on my own feet. He bought a house while we were a few years in that was supposed to be ours but never got my name put on anything. I am so sad for everything. My home that was once ours, I need to leave and share a bedroom w my daughter in my parents house (which they are mild hoarders and never fixed anything). And I am sad that he doesn't even want to try with me. All he says is he doesn't know what he wants. I'm scared of this woman becoming a stepmother to my child. I'm just scared and sad about everything. These past few months have been super hard on me and I know there isn't much more that I can take. So I don't even know what I am asking but what's next? Will he even miss us? Will he regret it? Will he just move on and forget about me? Idk any comforting words are very welcome at this point...

[Jiivy]

Welcome Ameee. Although I haven't had quite the same investment with my fiancée, there are some similarities you and I share in our situations:

 

7 years/lived together/emotional affair/left me with a "confused" sentiment.

 

So let's work through your list.

 

What's next?

What's next is what YOU make of it now. I know that's not a direct answer, but I feel it's the most honest. The situation is not something you're in control of...time cannot magically unwind and your fiance's actions can't bend to your will. However, what happens this second - today, is up to you. So what's next is what you chose to be next.

 

The scary thing is deciding what to do. Speak to your family and those who love you. You'll find that on this forum most will advocate strong, direct NO CONTACT with your fiance from here on. Take time for yourself with your child to figure out what you want.

 

Will he even miss you?

I don't know. A relationship of 8 years will leave a mark on him for the rest of his natural life. How he percieves that (fondness/guilt/numbness/absence) is something you don't control either. I can't imagine fathering your child is going to be forgotten either...but the key thing here is that there shouldn't be any false hope. He will miss you. But it won't neccessarily influence what he does in the future about it.

 

Will he regret it?

You want us to overwhelmingly give you what you seek in your denial. You want me to tell you that he'll regret it - your fiance will come back soon and he'll break down and apologise. You'll work it out and in time get over it.

 

That's not what you're going to get here either. In the same stroke as answering "will he miss us?", "will he regret it?" is just as empty a question. I don't know - I'm sorry.

Will he move on and forget about you?

No he will not forget about you. That's not to say he'll move on but for every person that'll tell you here you will reconcile, another will tell you that you won't. I've spent over a month scouring websites like LoveShack to get an answer. I've read hundreds, if not thousands of stories obsessively now and I'm no closer to the truth - hell, I'm further than I ever was.

 

 

 

My words of comfort to you are this - you will soon see that you are not alone in your hurting. There are many of us here, yourself including who's lives have just been shattered and destroyed by the last person in the world they believed would do that. We, more than anyone understand what you're going through.

 

Read TaraMaiden's guide to no contact - read my response and her thread (and the other responses) on there. It should give you a place to start. Oh and remember, we're here for you. Stick with us and heal together.