Author beembm Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 More depression and anxiety today. Trying to get through the day and work. I'm looking forward to when I can just go home and lay down. My mind is refusing to accept this new reality. The idea of moving on seems impossible. I'm scared to be 27 and single. I'm scared I've ruined my one chance at love. The stupidest most ridiculous thing is that one of the main reasons I broke up with her is that I felt like "I needed to be single once in my life." It's not until now that I can see the value in a long-term committed relationship. I had false expectations about what love looks like after 5 years. If only I had understood! I took her and us for granted. She just wanted to love me. And I wouldn't let her. ;(
Author beembm Posted June 23, 2014 Author Posted June 23, 2014 Another step back. Went kayaking with my family yesterday and it brought back memories of adventures we had together. I realized I am still waiting for her to reach out to me (right before I found out about the engagement we had a long phone call, where we both cried and said we still missed each other and didn't want to lose each other) and she wanted to try to be friends. This was almost a month ago and not a peep since. Then I start obsessing about her fiancé, about how she doesn't think about me anymore, about how it's like our relationship never even happened, about how it's all my fault. Nausea
sooshi Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 Don't wait for her anymore. As hard as it is to do, you need to not wait any longer for her to reach out. It's for your own emotional and mental well-being. Even if she reaches out to you, it might not be what you want, and if it's not what you want, it'll probably only hurt you more. It's okay to have those triggers (kayaking). In time, the responses you have as a result of triggers will decrease in intensity. I know it's hard, but what you need to do is to think about YOU and focus on YOU and on YOUR healing and on YOUR journey. Not on her or the guy she's with or that relationship. Take the time now to think about you, to prioritize your well-being above all else, and to be kind and gentle with yourself. 1
BC1980 Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 Another step back. Went kayaking with my family yesterday and it brought back memories of adventures we had together. I realized I am still waiting for her to reach out to me (right before I found out about the engagement we had a long phone call, where we both cried and said we still missed each other and didn't want to lose each other) and she wanted to try to be friends. This was almost a month ago and not a peep since. Then I start obsessing about her fiancé, about how she doesn't think about me anymore, about how it's like our relationship never even happened, about how it's all my fault. Nausea The triggers seems so fresh in the beginning. My ex and I used to hike together. It was our thing I guess. The first time I hiked without him, I was crying for about half of the hike, but I knew it was something I had to get through. Two weeks ago, I went on a short hike, and I honestly didn't even think of him. Push through it, and I promise it will get better. This may seem like the end of your world in this moment, but it isn't in the grand scheme of life. There are many more adventures to be had I can promise you that. 2
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