avoforastig Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 I had a pleasant first date, wasn't the best or worst. Overall, I thought it went well until the end of the date interaction which I always find difficult to navigate. I'm thinking it was probably unfavorable but it's always so hard to tell on those clunky first dates. As we approached the subway station I needed to use the conversation sort of concluded and she sort of waves at me at which point I initiated a hug. I asked her if she wanted to hang out again and she said yes. I then scuttled away feeling awkward. When I got home I sent her a text saying it was nice to meet her and we should hang out again soon. However, she never replied, she could have went to sleep though since she works early in the morning. I'm not really sure what to do. I hate playing the waiting game to find out if there is a mutual interest. Would a call or text the following day be too needy/desperate sounding? Would it be better to wait a few days or call vs text? Dating is so exhausting!
Strength in Healing Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 Dating IS exhausting. But if she was interested, she will reach out to you tomorrow... (or if she is one of those sheep who think that "waiting rules" exist, it may take a little longer). Give her until tomorrow. If nothing, text her back in 2 or 3 days.
Author avoforastig Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 Dating IS exhausting. But if she was interested, she will reach out to you tomorrow... (or if she is one of those sheep who think that "waiting rules" exist, it may take a little longer). Give her until tomorrow. If nothing, text her back in 2 or 3 days. I made a statement, didn't ask a question. Should she respond either way? I always women to play the end of the date positively regardless of their opinion, I tried to be straightforward as possible.
Standard-Fare Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 Since you already did make that gesture of directly stating your interest... and she didn't respond... I think you gotta conclude that you guys are over with one date. But I completely understand your temptation to send another text, and maybe some people would encourage you to do that. But please understand your chances are low. If you do follow through with that, make sure to have a specific plan. Something like, "Hey, I was thinking of checking out [whatever restaurant/bar/show] on Saturday, would you care to join me?" Don't leave a lot of wiggle room. Again, your chances are low, but if you do proceed make sure you have a firm proposal.
Strength in Healing Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 Would a call or text the following day be too needy/desperate sounding? Would it be better to wait a few days or call vs text? I made a statement, didn't ask a question. Interesting.
Author avoforastig Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 Since you already did make that gesture of directly stating your interest... and she didn't respond... I think you gotta conclude that you guys are over with one date. But I completely understand your temptation to send another text, and maybe some people would encourage you to do that. But please understand your chances are low. If you do follow through with that, make sure to have a specific plan. Something like, "Hey, I was thinking of checking out [whatever restaurant/bar/show] on Saturday, would you care to join me?" Don't leave a lot of wiggle room. Again, your chances are low, but if you do proceed make sure you have a firm proposal. I'd have to agree, not a bad strategy though mate. I was trying to prompt the let down if necessary. I'm just exhausted with dating and am seriously starting to lose hope. I don't really know what else to do. I've dedicated so much energy to it and nothing seems to pan out. I just want to give up. I socialize constantly, use OLD, belong to a social sport league. I am just perplexed at what I could be doing wrong.
J21 Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 I made a statement, didn't ask a question. Should she respond either way? I always women to play the end of the date positively regardless of their opinion, I tried to be straightforward as possible. If she's interested she will respond. If she doesn't just move on, no big deal.
thecrucible Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 Maybe act more confident next time. Ask for a second date during the first date. If a guy doesn't do that with me, I assume he's not interested. And if a guy had said to me after "we should hang out again sometime", it seems like a non-committal text that doesn't require a response. I would probably see that text, think hmm "what am I going to say that?" and then just leave... I'd like it if the text me with a plan like, "Heard there's a gig on at <x> bar tonight? Fancy checking out?". I kind of get turned of if the guy isn't initiating or making a move.
Strength in Healing Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 Dang, forgive my last post, totally misread what you said. Forgive me, I didn't sleep much in the past 3 days... Anyways, if she doesn't say anything tomorrow, text her in the next 2-3 days. Though she should reply to a statement. Sorry again for last post lol I'm actually gonna go the heck to sleep. As for getting women... it's easy. Perhaps all you're lacking is confidence.. Picking up girls
Standard-Fare Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 Seriously, if you can create some sort of vibe like "I already have plans for Saturday, but maybe you can join into them if you want to," that's the best tactic. Not those exact words, of course, but that sentiment. Don't act like you're waiting around for her and planning your social life around her. But maybe give her that one last chance, in case she's just being flaky with her communication.
Author avoforastig Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 Maybe act more confident next time. Ask for a second date during the first date. If a guy doesn't do that with me, I assume he's not interested. And if a guy had said to me after "we should hang out again sometime", it seems like a non-committal text that doesn't require a response. I would probably see that text, think hmm "what am I going to say that?" and then just leave... I'd like it if the text me with a plan like, "Heard there's a gig on at <x> bar tonight? Fancy checking out?". I kind of get turned of if the guy isn't initiating or making a move. I find it tricky to initiate a second date when most if the time it's fairly ambiguous what they think about the current situation. Regardless, is all hope lost for this case? Should I wait a day or directly suggest some particular activity tomorrow in attempt to salvage?
Author avoforastig Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 Seriously, if you can create some sort of vibe like "I already have plans for Saturday, but maybe you can join into them if you want to," that's the best tactic. Not those exact words, of course, but that sentiment. Don't act like you're waiting around for her and planning your social life around her. But maybe give her that one last chance, in case she's just being flaky with her communication. I'm not sure how to work that out without introducing her to some other people I know potentially. Do you have a suggestion?
Smilecharmer Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 Stop over thinking it. If she doesn't respond call her one last time and invite her to a scheduled date for your next day off. Do something fun and try not to be so nervous. If she says no, you have your answer and can move on. Try to enjoy this...it is supposed to be fun.
Author avoforastig Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 Stop over thinking it. If she doesn't respond call her one last time and invite her to a scheduled date for your next day off. Do something fun and try not to be so nervous. If she says no, you have your answer and can move on. Try to enjoy this...it is supposed to be fun. I considered doing that but Sunday is a holiday, then I have family coming to town for a week I have to entertain. Logistically, it's difficult for me to suggest something unless I do it tomorrow for Saturday night. Which I guess there is nothing to lose in trying, right?
Smilecharmer Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 Yes, just don't take it personally if she already has plans. I usually plan a few days in advance, but if she seems receptive but just already made plans, go ahead and set it up for next Saturday night. Be bold. Smile when you talk to her, you can hear it in your voice. Be happy to talk to her again. If she isn't receptive, say thanks and erase her from your phone and move on to another girl.
Author avoforastig Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 Yes, just don't take it personally if she already has plans. I usually plan a few days in advance, but if she seems receptive but just already made plans, go ahead and set it up for next Saturday night. Be bold. Smile when you talk to her, you can hear it in your voice. Be happy to talk to her again. If she isn't receptive, say thanks and erase her from your phone and move on to another girl. You think this should be called in or texted? Given that I know I won't be available for about 10 days, I'm not sure how to work this out.
thecrucible Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 I find it tricky to initiate a second date when most if the time it's fairly ambiguous what they think about the current situation. Regardless, is all hope lost for this case? Should I wait a day or directly suggest some particular activity tomorrow in attempt to salvage? Go for it. You have nothing to lose, everything to gain. Don't forget to be confident. She is lucky to have you asking her out because you are damn awesome
Smilecharmer Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 You think this should be called in or texted? Given that I know I won't be available for about 10 days, I'm not sure how to work this out. How old are you? If under 25, text, if over 25, call. Just let her know that you wanted to follow up your date because you had fun and to see if maybe next weekend she might want to go roller skating or a poetry slam or to see a band play or whatever it is you want to do. Do something where you have to be active though because you can see how she it reacts with you doing stuff.
Author avoforastig Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 How old are you? If under 25, text, if over 25, call. Just let her know that you wanted to follow up your date because you had fun and to see if maybe next weekend she might want to go roller skating or a poetry slam or to see a band play or whatever it is you want to do. Do something where you have to be active though because you can see how she it reacts with you doing stuff. I'm 26, but I always get dreadfully nervous when calling regarding an ambiguous situation such as this, so I really prefer to text. However, I wonder if calling would force her to show the cards.
Standard-Fare Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 I'm not sure how to work that out without introducing her to some other people I know potentially. Do you have a suggestion? I was once in a similar situation (on the girl's end) where I had been on a so-so first date with a guy but wasn't feeling an urgent need for a second. I didn't pursue anything. But about four days after our date, the guy texted me with something like "Hey I'm going to check out [some band] at [some small venue] tonight, feel free to join if you're interested." I liked the casual, no-pressure approach, and it seemed like a fun thing to do, so I did join him, and we ended up dating for a while. So, something like that could work for you.
J21 Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 (edited) I'm 26, but I always get dreadfully nervous when calling regarding an ambiguous situation such as this, so I really prefer to text. However, I wonder if calling would force her to show the cards. Well here are the pros/cons of calling: Pro: you can hear the intonation of her voice (did she sound excited to talk to you?). You also get your answer right away: "Yes I'm free on XX" Con: She doesn't pick up, in which case you are stuck because she didn't respond to your initial text either. If she doesn't call/text back, you have to take it as a hint she's not interested at this point. I personally woudln't bother. It has been a few days now, and if she didn't reply to the initial text.. I would take it she was being polite (as she was being put on the spot) when you asked her to hang out again. Edited April 18, 2014 by J21
Mrin Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 I find it tricky to initiate a second date when most if the time it's fairly ambiguous what they think about the current situation. Regardless, is all hope lost for this case? Should I wait a day or directly suggest some particular activity tomorrow in attempt to salvage? This is what I do when the second date details are ambiguous - I just firmly establish that I want to see her again and we just must make it a priority to figure out the details. So the "If" isn't in question. Just the "where" and "when". Seems to work fine and keeps her out of her head.
Author avoforastig Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 This is what I do when the second date details are ambiguous - I just firmly establish that I want to see her again and we just must make it a priority to figure out the details. So the "If" isn't in question. Just the "where" and "when". Seems to work fine and keeps her out of her head. I'm not sure what to do as I just went on the date last night and I am not going to be available for over a week, except for tomorrow which would be very short notice and a low likelihood of acceptance. I've mostly texted women in the past when I first get to know someone in order to setup a second date. I don't want to seem to eager and scare her off. Would a lady appreciate a call the next day if interested or universally scared off?
Recommended Posts