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Why do people brag about having a high number of partners?

Strength in Healing

By Strength in Healing
in General Relationship Discussion

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Strength in Healing Established Member

Strength in Healing

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This is obviously mostly guys.

 

A few of my friends, and a massive amount of guys brag about having slept with tons of girls.

 

It perplexes me. Psychologically I understand why they go around doing it. But I just find it a negative.

 

 

I brag about how low I've been able to keep my number. At 27 I've slept with less than 10, and I am proud of being able to keep that. No offense to anyone who has had more partners -- this topic is aimed at the bragging.

Candy_Pants Established Member

Candy_Pants

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IME the men and women who actually HAVE had a large number don't brag about it. It's the men (and sometimes women) who want everyone to think they have a high number who go on and on about it.

 

For example, I had a foreign lover. Tall dark and gorgeous. Not to mention highly intelligent and a gentleman. He never spoke about women or sex in such a demeaning way. Yet I'm sure he could've (and might have) been able to sleep with multiple women everyday.

 

I also knew a man who insisted he had sex with hundreds of women, yet women avoided him like the plague and he was perpetually single (and going home alone).

 

One is ashamed of his number. One is not.

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Strength in Healing Established Member

Strength in Healing

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Candy pants that is a very interesting observation. I like it

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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when i tell guys if they ask me how many men have you slept with ......i have to say i cant give you a number........but i can tell you this..more than you.i woudl ask how does that make you feel?....this gives them an out.........early....

 

 

i would then say.

 

 

 

i have had enough sex in my lifetime that i know its not the most important thing in a relationship, that without true feelings its not pleasant that casual sex i snto what i am after....and that i am not a one night stand nor do i want to be one so if that si what they want i am not for them......that i want to be in a committed relationship and that i dont cheat...

 

 

wanna be a penguin instead....penguin lurrrv for me......

 

 

 

ok i wouldnt say the penguin thing that would come later when I felt we were compatible.......and exclusive mutually.......then they would understand the concept and not think i was a fruit loop...i let my fruit loop heart out later when i feel they will understand i have a few facets/flaws to me.....deb

Candy_Pants Established Member

Candy_Pants

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Candy pants that is a very interesting observation. I like it

 

Let's just say that I've been able to observe people with high numbers at a very close range ;).

 

I think men also brag about sex to men more often than they would to women. So you're in the position to hear such things. Just as women would feel more comfortable bragging to other women generally.

 

But the question of what causes bragging psychologically is an interesting one. Personally I believe it comes from a place of insecurity.

 

Humility is the opposite of bragging. With humility comes great strength, and a very acute knowledge of ones abilities, AND security in those abilities.

 

The braggart is trying to convince others as well as himself.

BradJacobs Established Member

BradJacobs

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Or it's just how guys bond?

 

If my buddies, married or otherwise, see me leaving a club with a girl then they want to hear the rest of the story.

dichotomy Established Member

dichotomy

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Women brag about their sexual adventures

 

Not necessarily about quantity, but they sure brag about quality - mainly to their girlfriends....and sometimes to all of us on LS !

Edited by dichotomy
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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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Women brag about their sexual adventures

 

Not necessarily about quantity, but they sure brag about quality - mainly to their girlfriends....and sometimes to all of us on LS !

 

 

what is the purpose of bragging.......deb

  • 4 weeks later...
me85 Established Member

me85

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Huge turn off.

 

I don't want to know, really.

 

At age 29 I'm very proud to say that my number is 5.

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littleplanet Established Member

littleplanet

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Well it sure ain't the quantity, it's the quality. And believe me......those are two entirely different things.

I suppose if humans were bighorn sheep, harems might make sense. But I've observed that basic human sensitivity usually drops the numbers way down.

If it's approached with nothing more than an opportunistic attitude, then all that results from that is padded stats. But what does that mean, really? For some - that's enough thrill, I suppose.

 

But then......I never really could understand the label - "good in bed."

What the hell is that, really?

Makes me think of some brand of sex turned into an olympic sport. Athletic postures.

Just seems silly.

 

I started out rather young in life, but it was pure romance from the get-go. Made a big difference. We didn't "hook up" back in those days. We were mostly left alone, to our own devices......to actually fall in love. It was a terribly sweet thing - and rather sparse, really. Things like that tend to leave a big impression and pave the way for later life.

 

Why should numbers impress anyone? Whether it's bed partners or bank accounts. Just another form of commodified consumption. Enough is never enough.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
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Why do people brag about having a high number of partners?

 

The same reason friends brag about their sales numbers or number of grandchildren. Social status. I am desired and important and this is valued in human relations.

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halfcrazed_i Established Member

halfcrazed_i

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How does it work? I mean, if someone has been in long-term relationship after long-term relationship... that person will theoretically have a "lower" number.

 

But that wouldn't be a reflection of anything, no?

Els Established Member

Els

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I like it when they come right out and brag about it, so I know which men to stay away from. :laugh:

 

In all seriousness, it's probably the same reasons that drive anyone to brag about anything - desire for external validation, etc. There are people who brag about having lower numbers, too.

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Ninjainpajamas Established Member

Ninjainpajamas

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Women brag about their sexual adventures

 

Not necessarily about quantity, but they sure brag about quality - mainly to their girlfriends....and sometimes to all of us on LS !

 

Ha, ain't that the truth.

 

There's definitely more judgment towards men being vocal about their sexual adventures than for women...men are supposed to be "humble" and gentlemenly (at least around other women) and women for some reason feel they should have the "right" to express how great this or that guy is without much of a filter, I have no idea why they think any man cares to hear that as much as any woman would care to hear how many women he's slept with.

 

But to get back to the OP, sure some guys brag others don't...what makes me laugh is the judgment women make of men exclusively based on their interaction with them, assuming just because the man is acting how he is "supposed to" like a gentlemen and respectful in your presence means he wouldn't or couldn't entirely disrespect you to his close friends or anyone else...you really have no idea what kind of character a man has just by being his lover, I don't care how many lollipops he buys for children, old people he helps to the nursing home and how much he loves his mother...but it's the same for women, I laugh at men just for thinking because a woman is "nice, sweet, and classy" because of her behavior and interaction towards him, when he doesn't even realize what she's done in her own personal life and how she truly is.

 

But that's the nature of dating...people put their best face forward and act appropriately revealing what they want you to see, but you have no idea what these people think in their heads or how they truly feel about you, but time and time again you see the difference sides of people and yet someone like a GF or BF will have an entirely skewed view or perception of their SO, and they think they know the guy/girl because they're in a relationship with them, but if they knew that persons history or past and were able to see it from someones else's less rose-tinted eyes then it'd be an entirely reality.

 

At any rate, look at the athletes of the world...they're usually cocky and young, and I'm sure they're conditioned and coached to exude a humble and respectful manner(FYI coaches do more than coach sports, they're like fathers in many ways)...because nobody likes an arrogant @sshole except for the women trying to sleep with them. Lots of them brag, lots of them are very likely sexist and macho (for anyone who's played sports this is nothing new) because these guys think they are the best thing ever and they are validated. Now some guys will have that attitude but act like very humble and respectful men, especially towards women because any fool realizes that walking around looking down at other people and talking trash to women would not be a good idea, so they save that personality and side of themselves for their friends and other men who already get it...all the while women fall for the charm and @sskissing these guys do when they're interacting with them.

 

So what I'm saying is there is a conditioning by society, so a lot of guys who brag are either ignorant/stupid because they haven't gotten the message or don't care, but as men get older and more competent they hold the comments closer to them and maybe don't even express it at all...I mean let's face it people, EVERYONE has an ego, and yes we all know were supposed to be humble, honorary individuals here...but that's really the minority, if you knew what people were really thinking and how they really felt, you'd see how much BS a lot of this all is and people just trying to talk themselves into a certain mindset and mentality...it's odd that the men that bragging might just be the men actually being honest with themselves.

 

It's not to say that there aren't men out there over-exaggerating and blowing up their number to get validated and so people don't think they are smooth and casanova's and nobody believes it but those people are transparent as hell anyway because they're trying to convince themselves and usually fooling no one, but women are doing the same damn thing just in another way...they're bragging to themselves that because they were able to get THAT guy or sleep with THAT kind of guy that they are attractive enough, desirable and yadda yadda yadda...it's the same damn difference, women just brag in different ways and they always tend to desire/need a lot more validation from men and are generally more insecure, which is why they date the douchebags anyway (which if you note they also don't realize that right away either even when it's entirely obvious to other men) but they always want to believe they're with are the "good guys", and the men who don't burn bridges tend to be seen in a much more "positive" light....two guys can have the same similar mindset and respect level for women but one brags the other does not, the men that are bragging are just simply more transparent.

 

I've been around a LOT of different types of men, and it's really a minority of men who do not have ego's that become inflated, that's why it's a rare virtue, everyone has got one and success perpetuates the attitude and until you experience that kind of success in anything, whether women are not you have no idea how you would perform or react in that circumstance, but it's almost guaranteed you will change...whether it's feeling more entitled, powerful, influential, etc. And of the course the guy who doesn't have much or hasn't had much success may try and brag to compensate for the lack of or reserve himself to an "I wouldn't want that anyway" kind of attitude.

Smilecharmer Established Member

Smilecharmer

Posted
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I find it interesting that people are impressed that I was a PIV virgin when I got married. I have only had oral sex with my husband too. I just wanted to wait for the right guy, it wasn't really that hard. They act like it is a big deal.

Ninjainpajamas Established Member

Ninjainpajamas

Posted
Posted
I find it interesting that people are impressed that I was a PIV virgin when I got married. I have only had oral sex with my husband too. I just wanted to wait for the right guy, it wasn't really that hard. They act like it is a big deal.

 

It's pretty uncommon.

  • 3 weeks later...
snowflakepua Member

snowflakepua

Posted
Posted

Girls are attracted to guys who have slept with a lot of women. Guys are impressed by other guys who have slept with a lot of women.

 

This is obviously mostly guys.

 

A few of my friends, and a massive amount of guys brag about having slept with tons of girls.

 

It perplexes me. Psychologically I understand why they go around doing it. But I just find it a negative.

 

 

I brag about how low I've been able to keep my number. At 27 I've slept with less than 10, and I am proud of being able to keep that. No offense to anyone who has had more partners -- this topic is aimed at the bragging.

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