HeartinPain Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 (edited) Once every week I go to a gym class and a few of us grab dinner afterwards. We have done this for a little over 1 month now. In our gym crew, there is "Matt" and "John." They are not friends, but we all go out to eat in a group after class every week. I have a crush on "Matt" who just got out of a LTR in February. He teases me often and plays a bit hot and cold. I was hurt really badly 8 months ago in a LTR breakup that destroyed my confidence and self esteem. I admit, I can be a bit cold and standoffish and it is something I am actively working on. I felt he was interested initially, but I may have done something that turned him off. I act a bit flustered around "Matt" because of this crush. I have been told I am flirty/friendly. This tends to happen only when I am not attracted to the guy. Often times I do not even realize that guys are getting the wrong idea. So "John" is expressing interest in me, but I do not feel the same way. It is very obvious and I have been trying to distance myself from him. A happy hour was planned and I went thinking "Matt" would go. I was disappointed that he didn't end up going, but "John" showed up. He casually asked me out to watch a fight that weekend, but I had made an excuse. I know that as a woman, you are supposed to express interest to a guy subtly and let him make the move. I have attempted to do this (maybe a bit poorly?). It is so awkward because we are usually in a group and "John" is always there. I would casually drop a hint that I would like to go to a particular place or try a new thing as a line toward "Matt" and "John" would immediately say that he would love to do that. As a response "Matt" said "There you go! You have someone to do that with!" I am unsure how to go about this with "Matt." Is he not interested? Maybe not over his ex? He does mention his singleness every now and then. How do I get this guy to ask me out without looking desperate? Edited April 17, 2014 by HeartinPain
Kardia Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 I don't think that there is any way you're "supposed" to do anything. If you're into Matt then ask him out. It's tough to gauge his interest level from your post, but worst case scenario is he'll turn you down...at least then you'll know and can move on. No reason that needs to be awkward. The same goes for turning down John, it shouldn't be a big deal, just let him know you aren't interested. 1
Author HeartinPain Posted April 17, 2014 Author Posted April 17, 2014 (edited) I don't think that there is any way you're "supposed" to do anything. If you're into Matt then ask him out. It's tough to gauge his interest level from your post, but worst case scenario is he'll turn you down...at least then you'll know and can move on. No reason that needs to be awkward. The same goes for turning down John, it shouldn't be a big deal, just let him know you aren't interested. With John, he is my bff's friend. To me, it seems like he is interested. However, my bff says he is just being friendly. In my experience, guys do not like to invest time in a girl to be just friends. I feel he will eventually get all my hints and give up. With Matt, he is my bff's boyfriend's friend. That is how I know that he just got out of a LTR in February. When I had initially asked about Matt, my bff had told me that it wasn't a good idea because its too soon for him and I would be in risk being a rebound. I am not sure if she said this to spare my feelings and he isn't interested in me or if it really is too soon for him. I am hesitant in being so forward with Matt and asking him out, due to the high possibility of seeing him in the future. Also, since we are always in a group, everyone hears everyone's conversations. We are never alone together. When we had a conversation about the happy hour he didn't go to.. he did say "So if I asked you to go to happy hour next week, would you go?" I said I would go. Then.. nothing happened. Edited April 17, 2014 by HeartinPain
gaius Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 He doesn't sound very interested. A lot of guys would have sex with you just to one up john even if they weren't interested but this guy isn't even doing that.
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