HotCaliGirl Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 HI Catgirl, I read your thread and feel bad for you and can relate to what you are going through. The first thing I wanted to point out was that even early on in your messages you stated that he had told you that he doesn't love you. That is one of the only good things I see about him - that he has not lead you on. By calling you and spending time with you, you are thinking to yourself that he really does love you since that's how you feel and you are buying the excuse about the wall or some reason why he possibly doesn't feel the love that you are feeling. The sad truth is that he doesn't love you and the painful reality is that you MUST move on. No more calls/emails/sex...it will only hurt you more and more and more and not change the fact that he does not love you. At least he has told you that he will be moving and will cut off the relationship, so it is nice that he cares about you. It is nice that he flat out told you that the only reason he would want to see you would be to have sex. You are too good for that and if you care about not feeling more hurt, you have to COLD TURKEY end ALL contact with him. It will be hard at first, but that is the ONLY way you will start to feel better. In fact, if I was you, I would tell him that he could media-mail the DVDs and hide the payment in the package - it would cost him no more than $3 and help YOU to get over him instead of seeing him and being tempted to believe he might love you or whatever...
CoolAunt Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Originally posted by HotCaliGirl [color=blue]HI Catgirl, I read your thread and feel bad for you and can relate to what you are going through. The first thing I wanted to point out was that even early on in your messages you stated that he had told you that he doesn't love you. That is one of the only good things I see about him - that he has not lead you on. By calling you and spending time with you, you are thinking to yourself that he really does love you since that's how you feel and you are buying the excuse about the wall or some reason why he possibly doesn't feel the love that you are feeling. The sad truth is that he doesn't love you and the painful reality is that you MUST move on. No more calls/emails/sex...it will only hurt you more and more and more and not change the fact that he does not love you. At least he has told you that he will be moving and will cut off the relationship, so it is nice that he cares about you. It is nice that he flat out told you that the only reason he would want to see you would be to have sex. You are too good for that and if you care about not feeling more hurt, you have to COLD TURKEY end ALL contact with him. It will be hard at first, but that is the ONLY way you will start to feel better. In fact, if I was you, I would tell him that he could media-mail the DVDs and hide the payment in the package - it would cost him no more than $3 and help YOU to get over him instead of seeing him and being tempted to believe he might love you or whatever...[/color] HCG is spot on. And that's excellent advice about the DVDs and $$$ too!
Author catgirl Posted February 8, 2005 Author Posted February 8, 2005 when he calls ill tell him to just drop them off in my mailbox so i dont have to see him.ill even try not to be here if i know when hes coming here... Still just confused why a guy calls months on end 3-4 times a day and wants to hang out in all his free time if it wasnt more. and yes we just hung out and didnt have sex all the time ,we did things movies dinner shopping etc... just so confusing to me..we both talked alot about being scared about having a serious relationship cause of past ones (both of us got out of bad ones like 8 months ago)..bad timing on our part i guess..
Author catgirl Posted March 5, 2005 Author Posted March 5, 2005 hi again, well its a month later and I had no contact with him took your advice. made sure i wasn't here when he returned dvds and left the money. now a month later i get this emails. here they are need advice on what to do now. he sent 1st email Again are you getin my emails.please let me know.k 2nd email I wrote you a letter but I'm not sure if it went thru to you.If not let me know I'll make it again. i sent one back to him my email. no never got a letter from you....what was in it he sent this one back I think of you often Hope your doin well.Sorry again for the pain and grief that I caused you.It was never my intension.You can believe that or not,your choice,but that is the gods honest truth.I'm sorry that I could not drop my own insecurities and fully welcome you into my heart,but that's me and this is where I'm at now.I miss talking to you and all that other stuff,you know what i mean.wink wink.So just incase your wondering.No I'm not seeing or ever really lookin for someone,as hard as it might seem I don't intensionally go out lookin to **** people( victims I think you called it) over.I know you were pretty pissed at me which I think you were intitiled to,but I can honestly say that I have not a single bad feeling or word to say against you.I wish you nothing but the best.Well that is pretty much what the first email said.Hope youe doin well.That's about all my two little fingers can handle in one shot.ttfn. i sent this one back to him glad your feeling better,,and its really to bad you feel that way..I do miss you and hanging out with you too...but from your email I see things are the same...well im not mad at you all I did was fall for you......but time will heal me.....just was hurt that you used moving as an excuse for us to break up and you didn't and wouldn't take a chance on us ...then when u said you were moving and just like that we would break up..that was like a knife to my heart thought it was so cold didn't make me feel so good...then I had no choice but to end it as i seen it.....its to bad i thought we had a great thing going,,we were good together,well i thought we were,you didnt...well take care...so what were all the other emails you sent...i didnt get any of them.......you know dont be afraid to call if you want to talk ,,,but from your email i wont hold my breath...hope you feel better.... all my best he doesnt have a pc so im not sure what the other emails are till he sends them,he has to re type them cause he used hotmail and they didnt save... what im wondering where as we couldnt be friends after break up cause hes so attracted to me and couldnt handle it,do you think maybe he wants to get back together and is testing the waters here..maybe a month away from me he seeing it now..I'm not sure what do you guys think???? Or should i just tell him not to email me anymore....or should i see what he really wants he did say "he thinks of me often" So what or should how i handle this?? tkx again
nicki Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 hi catgirl...i'm sorry you are in so much pain. i've been there, too, right where you are. it hurts! you are probably hoping that he will realize the error of his ways and figure out that he really does love you....that you only have to be patient. after all, he acted so into you, and you wouldn't act like that unless you really loved someone. WRONG... he will call you again, but i think it will only be for a booty call. he's not ready for a relationship. maybe he thought he was. maybe he always knew he was stringing you along. who is to know? you are not in his head. you can only control what YOU do. i had a guy pull the same thing -- except he didn't tell me where his head was at. we saw each other for three months, then had a long distance relationship for 6 months. it was awful! he suddenly acted so distant, we hardly saw each other. when he came back, he told me that he had never felt committed to me during the whole time. btw, i heard all the same crap you did about walls, etc...he also loved sex with me (not LOVE to some guys.) yeah, now that he is back in town, he wants me, but i will never trust him again with my heart. be forewarned about your guy. he is TELLING you who he is. please listen. don't be me in a year! it hurts way more... believe me, you will not hurt so much in a few weeks. take care of yourself. every time you think a nice thought about him, or about how much you miss him, do this: 1. Remember how sad you felt when he told you he couldn't handle a LDR. 2. Remember how duped you felt when he didn't say he loved you. 3. Remember that he primarily wants you for sex. 4. Get pissed, be glad to get rid of the dog...and then thank him for not wasting any more of your precious time... 5. Give yourself a big hug from everyone here. Life is about to get much better for you without all this drama! i promise.
nicki Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 i wouldn't answer ANY of his emails. or phone calls. don't read anything into anything he says. he probably doesn't mean a thing you think he might. get busy flirting with other men. this is all easier said than done, i know, but you are getting stronger every day. you will be happy with out him. heck, underneath it all, aren't you a little relieved? focus on how YOU feel about things....
Author catgirl Posted March 7, 2005 Author Posted March 7, 2005 tkx... Im not going to answer his emails or calls i wont be a booty call for him!!!!!!!!!!!!! im better then that!!!...ifs hes not ready or his views havent changed im standing my ground...just hurts that hes done this and brought it all back up to the surface again with this email(makes me wonder).i took your advice and went out and had fun....even went on a date last night right out of the blue..was going to stay home read your advice next thing i went out after a call from a guy i know...we had fun went for drinks and dancing.... Ill get more emails from him im just wondering what will be in them next....i know one thing trusting another guy again after this will be a tough one for me...tkx again for the advice and again i will take it... slight chance but what IF he has changed his mind about it...should i take a chance or wonder if its all crap( hes never lied to me before) but after this im not sure if i can trust what he says now.but deep inside i dont think he has.....just dont get while he started with emails about this all over again....i had no contact with him,so why now? i just wish i could stop thinking about him all the time...
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