What would you do in my situation?

[Chewbacca]

Hm. Can you elaborate on how this has affected you?

 

OP, I mean this kindly...is there someone in your life you can speak to about this? It is very troubling that this type of situation has taken such a toll on you. For your own sake, it might be a good idea to speak to a counselor or a trusted person who can help guide you. I think you would benefit from learning some new coping strategies and a fresh perspective. It will also serve to help you deal with any future disappointments.

 

Yeah sure. Basically, I used to have negative thoughts before I began to start speaking to her. I had problems with my family (i.e close ones with serious illnesses) & I had bad luck with sports. One of them in which I had a lot of potential but couldn't afford to take it to the next level, the other I became injured & ruled me out for a year, and is still going on. As a consquence, I can't take part in almost any physical activity, which depressed me as I was an active guy. Also i had a few problems at college with individuals who were basically jealous of my intelligence (without sounding biased), but it got to a point where I couldn't cope with it, affecting my education.

 

The situation I'm in now was to make me happier, and be positive, that's why I wanted to meet her, because it would make me the original person I was, but obviously, it hasn't gone to plan, which has kind of lead to further negative thoughts.

I've spoken to a doctor. They say just focus on yourself & your goals, and forget what the rest of the field thinks, because I can worry and stress a lot.

I have 2 months of revision for my education in order to go University. Despite these occurrences, I'm trying to stay as focussed as possible. My family always support me too.

I've got to say, the last few years have been a rough ride for myself.

And this is why I wish there was a solution to becoming close friends with her again, because it made me happy.

Edited April 18, 2014 by Chewbacca

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, I think the underlying problem is that you're looking for an external source of happiness. Of course some people come into our life who make us feel good and worthy, and it hurts when they're no longer in our lives. But you can't depend on them for your personal happiness. That is on you. It would be far better for you in the long run to do some introspection and ask yourself why you pinned so much of your happiness on another person. Your self-esteem and state of mind are too intertwined with her, which is really unhealthy. I guarantee that being close friends with her again will only make you feel good on the surface; it won't solve the deeper issue.

 

Furthermore, let's say you did become friends again. You will feel pretty terrible when she dates other people, won't you? She made it clear that she isn't interested in a romantic relationship with you, so you can expect that she will eventually see other guys. I don't think a friendship with her is a smart idea whatsoever. You need to respect her wishes and leave her be now.

[Chewbacca]

OP, I think the underlying problem is that you're looking for an external source of happiness. Of course some people come into our life who make us feel good and worthy, and it hurts when they're no longer in our lives. But you can't depend on them for your personal happiness. That is on you. It would be far better for you in the long run to do some introspection and ask yourself why you pinned so much of your happiness on another person. Your self-esteem and state of mind are too intertwined with her, which is really unhealthy. I guarantee that being close friends with her again will only make you feel good on the surface; it won't solve the deeper issue.

 

Furthermore, let's say you did become friends again. You will feel pretty terrible when she dates other people, won't you? She made it clear that she isn't interested in a romantic relationship with you, so you can expect that she will eventually see other guys. I don't think a friendship with her is a smart idea whatsoever. You need to respect her wishes and leave her be now.

 

Yeah I can understand your point of view, but once I'm off to university, I will have started a new life, which I can't wait for. I think my problem was, was that I'm older than her, and she wasn't really ready for something serious. She was always talking to me first for a good 3 months, but then it suddenly disappeared out of nowhere.

 

She didn't make herself clear. She was interested for a number of months, always contacting me, & then once I brought up about meeting up, she was shy about it, and wouldn't take the chance.

 

It's confusing. I was really good friends with her, & I thought she was hinting she wanted something serious, so I made my move, but she wasn't willing to do it, as she was delaying it. Furthermore, since the message I've sent her, she's been quiet on all social media and instantly stated herself as 'feeling lonely.' I'm rather confused by everything. One half of my mind tells me be friends & talk to her about it, the other says remove her from everything.

[passion_flower]

The things you accuse her of - being emotionally immature and selfish is exactly how you're coming across as you can't let go and you having a lot of other stresses in your life sucks but it's nothing to do with her.

 

You come across as being a bit full on and she probably wants space so give her that and let her contact you. For the time being just live your life.

[Chewbacca]

The things you accuse her of - being emotionally immature and selfish is exactly how you're coming across as you can't let go and you having a lot of other stresses in your life sucks but it's nothing to do with her.

 

You come across as being a bit full on and she probably wants space so give her that and let her contact you. For the time being just live your life.

 

I waited months and months for it to happen, I was being patient with her. I tried to not get too attached from the beginning but when she kept saying phrases or hinting she liked me again, I brought up the meeting-up situation. Yes, I got too attached, but I didn't want to leave her too much in case she thought I wasn't interested. I was patient & spoke softly to her, and she appreciated it.

[Chewbacca]

Hi folks.

I feel a lot better about the situation now, I have lost my feelings for her, but of course I still do miss our great friendship. The situation seems to be awkward because the friendship has disappeared, but I'm currently focussing on my own goals.

[dispatch3d]

This is ridiculous. You weren't even technically dating. She's just a girl you texted a lot. Move on, its really that simple. Get in a real relationship.

[Chewbacca]

This is ridiculous. You weren't even technically dating. She's just a girl you texted a lot. Move on, its really that simple. Get in a real relationship.

 

We are both not the types that would go on dates etc. This was a friendship/relationship that I wanted to take seriously, perhaps try to spend as much as my life with her, not just a teenage girlfriend etc.

 

The situation is odd, but we got on very well with eachother, and I didn't want it to end.