kkdmiami Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 So it's been a few weeks since I posted. Still living with him. Only been broken up now since March 20. He started dating or "casually seeing" someone. He says we are still friends. He lives here and is too poor to move out. I told him that aim extremely uncomfortable with his dating and that after 13 years I need and deserve a little respect and asked him to give me a little time to adjust. So he goes out now before I go to bed and sleeps there a few nights per week. I made plans to leave town. I again said please it's too much for me that you are seeing someone immediately. Can you just wait until I leve town for five days. He goes out the night before I leave. I asked him to move out! He says he can't and that it's just casual. I said you are rubbing this in my face and it is unbelievably disrespectful. He then tells me that I just want to keep him here under my control. I say no I just can't face it and I am going away you can do whatever you wish while I am gone. I begged him to see how hurtful it is for me. I can't deal. Anxiety level is thru the roof. I can't sleep. I leave town. While gone I gat bombarded with texts from friends telling me how he's telling people that he's dating. I am losing my freaking mind. Upon my return he tells me how he made out with a new person at a party, got another persons number and FaceTime sexted with a good friend of one of our friends! That was too much. I then replied that I had a threesome over the weekend (which was a dumb lie) just to see his reaction and it was nothing! Am I over reacting. I can't believe this person that I love so much would do this. We really had no issues in our relationship other than lack of passion. Why does this ****er feel it necessary to shove this all down my throat, it makes me feel so worthless. I need to ask him to leave and go NC. I am so scared. I am totally alone and going crazy. hELP me with some advice.
sooshi Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 Yes, ask him to leave and go NC. His behaviour is so disgraceful. I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through; his treatment towards you is thoroughly callous and hurtful. I feel for you.
Mr.Pine Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 He says we are still friends. He lives here and is too poor to move out. I told him that aim extremely uncomfortable with his dating and that after 13 years I need and deserve a little respect and asked him to give me a little time to adjust. When I dole out advice, I am usually pretty harsh with my delivery. After reading your post, I will just be blunt and honest...which will probably be harsh, nonetheless. Your boyfriend is a fooking leech. He is preying on your compassion and love you have for him. He is totally taking advantage and in your hopes to reconcile and get him back, you are bending over backwards to accommodate him and his new girl. You need not put up with that. Unless his name is on the lease, kick him the fook out. Place his belongings in shredded garbage bags, change the locks and move on. The dude's a creep of the highest over. Good luck and keep us posted. 1
Survivor12 Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 What exactly are you afraid of? If it's that you are fearful of HIM, get a restraining order...if it's that you're afraid of living without him think about this: If you make him leave, you will be alone. If you allow him to stay, you will still be alone but also will continue to be tortured by his abusive behavior--and supporting the worthless bum. Seems to me that all you will lose by kicking him out is more heartbreak & agony. He says you're his friend??? Maybe so, but he's not yours. The bottom line is that respect is something that is both earned and given--it can't be demanded. Obviously, he isn't giving it & by letting someone use and abuse you, you aren't earning it. If you want respect, do what you need to do to respect yourself.
Author kkdmiami Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 I cant control being a passive aggressive ahole thru texting my ex... we tried to live together after break up...that lasted a few weeks. everytime we talk I cant stop rehashing everything...it hurt me that within the immediate weeks after breaking up he was/is already seeing someone steadily...he rubbed it in my face by talking to our friends about it in front of me...I am trying to heal, but his continued disrespect of me made me feel dejected and now angry...tried to hang out with friends on Sunday, he shows up..then it fell into a huge argument...somehow I feel like this contact is better than no contact. like still connected or something...but its making me crazy and I know it isn't really helping anything.... I wanted to be graceful in my handling of this, but I feel like I am turning into someone I am not. we had a great friendship and it kills me to lose that all at once - going NC makes me feel terribly lonely. advice please
Zahara Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 NC allows you to heal and move on. It allows you to eliminate triggers that may derail you and cause you to stay consistently stuck -- such as seeing this person in your own home. In your case, NC won't work all too well because you stay engaged with him and you are witness to his personal activities. This guy is a user and a leech. The only reason you keep him at your home is because you are hopeful that he may want you back. You want to be the nice doormat. Get him out of your house. You either do that or you quit complaining about his behavior. He won't change. The only way this situation changes is by your hand. You ask him to leave. I can't imagine how you tolerate a man telling you about his activities when he knows you are hurt -- while you sit there like a chump and tolerate it. F*** graceful. Graceful isn't going to spare you pain.
Author kkdmiami Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 damn Zahara..as they say...truth hurts. I need to move on and nip this in the bud. don't want to be a chump but realizing I am a doormat is right on track. I have wanted to keep a relationship by any means and even if its just to fight...letting go is not my strong suit.. time to say goodbye in my mind and not with my words. this isn't good for me, but if I don't do it I wont be able to move forward. Thank you!
Zahara Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 damn Zahara..as they say...truth hurts. I need to move on and nip this in the bud. don't want to be a chump but realizing I am a doormat is right on track. I have wanted to keep a relationship by any means and even if its just to fight...letting go is not my strong suit.. time to say goodbye in my mind and not with my words. this isn't good for me, but if I don't do it I wont be able to move forward. Thank you! You need to move on from him, seriously. You are never going to get over this if you keep holding onto him. It's not your responsibility to house him because he is poor. Instead of going out there and spending his time dating, he should get his sorry ass a few jobs and support himself. Or he can go live with his women friends. You're the only one getting a big old goose egg from this deal. Don't keep doing this because you want to show him how nice and supportive you are so that he rethinks his decision with you. It only makes him view you even more negatively. He's probably saying, "Damn, this woman takes a lot of shytt from me and still wants to be so nice to me!" Letting go isn't easy for anybody. But you have to do it sometime. Besides, what are you actually holding onto? Nothing.
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