mtnbiker3000 Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 (edited) Is this really what relationships have come down to?? You or them? Kill or be killed?? When all the smoke settles, I don't really see it any other way... All of the story's here pretty much boil down to this. And we are all the 'killed'... Edited April 16, 2014 by mtnbiker3000
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted April 16, 2014 Author Posted April 16, 2014 LOL!!! Probably. But seriously, as I look at new prospective relationships, I kind of tell myself, it's either going to be me or them. One of us is going to lose. And it ain't going to be me again... Maybe I'm just hardened??
RDawg Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 I thought I was hardened when I went into this last relationship. Thought I was bullet proof after my previous break up actually. But here I am experiencing even more pain than the time before. I actually think those of us with sensitive and gentle souls (all of us who spend time on loveshack, "tough" people don't do relationship forums) will make ourselves vulnerable when we grow to love somone. You'll see mtnbiker, when you fall in love again, you'll forget all about winning you'll be so gaga again.. in any case, the woman always wins!!
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted April 16, 2014 Author Posted April 16, 2014 in any case, the woman always wins!! Some of the truest words I've ever read. It's just biology. They have what we want. Period. Game over!!! Young, old, rich, poor... we're all in a losing race. We've got nothing they want. They hold all the cards. LOL!!! Sucks!!
David87 Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 I thought I was hardened when I went into this last relationship. Thought I was bullet proof after my previous break up actually. But here I am experiencing even more pain than the time before. I actually think those of us with sensitive and gentle souls (all of us who spend time on loveshack, "tough" people don't do relationship forums) will make ourselves vulnerable when we grow to love somone. You'll see mtnbiker, when you fall in love again, you'll forget all about winning you'll be so gaga again.. in any case, the woman always wins!! I respectfully disagree because I'm sure there are alot of tough people who post on LS( of course they weren't tough when they joined the forum) Women loose as much as men do and women suffer just like men suffer ....
somedude81 Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 The one that loves the least has the power. I just need to find a way to make my future GF love me more than I love her. 1
Never Again Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 The one that loves the least has the power. I just need to find a way to make my future GF love me more than I love her. And herein lies the problem. People treat relationships like a power struggle, not a partnership. It's about game-playing, staying "strong" and maintaining "power". The whole point of intimacy is to let down your guard, forget about how the scales are balanced, and work together to build the life you want. Now, everything is about maintaining that initial infatuation as long as possible and being the one with the "power". It's sickening, really. 8
pickflicker Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 I thought I was hardened when I went into this last relationship. Thought I was bullet proof after my previous break up actually. But here I am experiencing even more pain than the time before. I actually think those of us with sensitive and gentle souls (all of us who spend time on loveshack, "tough" people don't do relationship forums) will make ourselves vulnerable when we grow to love somone. You'll see mtnbiker, when you fall in love again, you'll forget all about winning you'll be so gaga again.. in any case, the woman always wins!! *clears throat*
pickflicker Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 And herein lies the problem. People treat relationships like a power struggle, not a partnership. It's about game-playing, staying "strong" and maintaining "power". The whole point of intimacy is to let down your guard, forget about how the scales are balanced, and work together to build the life you want. Now, everything is about maintaining that initial infatuation as long as possible and being the one with the "power". It's sickening, really. It certainly is. You just have to be true to yourself. Of course, the clingy, needy, blow-up-their-phone behaviour - yes, that's a good habit to curb. Also, it's true that it's important to have a life and interests and be as well-rounded an individual as possible (always a work is progress). But the rest, you should be able to say what you feel, be authentic, be the person that you are, and if the other person has a problem with it, so be it. Key word: their problem. Still figuring it out though...
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted April 16, 2014 Author Posted April 16, 2014 (edited) And herein lies the problem. People treat relationships like a power struggle, not a partnership. It's about game-playing, staying "strong" and maintaining "power". The whole point of intimacy is to let down your guard, forget about how the scales are balanced, and work together to build the life you want. Now, everything is about maintaining that initial infatuation as long as possible and being the one with the "power". It's sickening, really. Agreed. And as I mentioned, seems like us men are inherently the losers. Women can easily turn down and do without a man. Or simply wait for the next one to come sniffin' around. Us dude's... not so much. Generally speaking, of course. It's in our DNA. Stupid biology!! And, women say (and even truly think) they want a 'nice' guy. A sensitive guy. Well, I wish that were true. IME, you show a woman, sensitivity, vulnerability, weakness, a need for support, or heaven forbid, cry in front of them, and I'll show you a woman planing her exit strategy almost immediately. Again, this is just biology at work... Of course, this is all purely my opinion on 30+ years of experience. Not by any means credible scientific research It certainly is. You just have to be true to yourself. Of course, the clingy, needy, blow-up-their-phone behaviour - yes, that's a good habit to curb. Also, it's true that it's important to have a life and interests and be as well-rounded an individual as possible (always a work is progress). But the rest, you should be able to say what you feel, be authentic, be the person that you are, and if the other person has a problem with it, so be it. Key word: their problem. Still figuring it out though... Well, let me know when you figure it out Edited April 16, 2014 by mtnbiker3000 1
faithfully Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 And, women say (and even truly think) they want a 'nice' guy. A sensitive guy. Well, I wish that were true. IME, you show a woman, sensitivity, vulnerability, weakness, a need for support, or heaven forbid, cry in front of them, and I'll show you a woman planing her exit strategy almost immediately. I am a woman who is 27 and I would die for that guy and still looking for a guy like that but unfortunately there aren't many left and its just sooo sad. 1
pickflicker Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 The one that loves the least has the power. I just need to find a way to make my future GF love me more than I love her. somedude...no. Just...no.
todreaminblue Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 not quite sure what you mean......but i think we are all survivors if we are still kickin........deb 1
todreaminblue Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 The one that loves the least has the power. people only have power in a relationship that you give them that is your responsibility onus on yourself to know what you really want or value...its not about loving them less..it doesnt have to be a battle...if it feels wrong and unstable that is the reason to walk away or work through it if you can..... not to stay and make them love you more and you love them less.....that doesnt sound......right..............deb 1
somegoodman Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 And herein lies the problem. People treat relationships like a power struggle, not a partnership. It's about game-playing, staying "strong" and maintaining "power". The whole point of intimacy is to let down your guard, forget about how the scales are balanced, and work together to build the life you want. Now, everything is about maintaining that initial infatuation as long as possible and being the one with the "power". It's sickening, really. Relationships have always been about power and that will never change. In fact, they could never work any other way. If you go through life looking for a "partnership" you will forever be disappointed. 2
somegoodman Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 And, women say (and even truly think) they want a 'nice' guy. A sensitive guy. Well, I wish that were true. IME, you show a woman, sensitivity, vulnerability, weakness, a need for support, or heaven forbid, cry in front of them, and I'll show you a woman planing her exit strategy almost immediately. Again, this is just biology at work... Of course, this is all purely my opinion on 30+ years of experience. Not by any means credible scientific research Well, let me know when you figure it out You're absolutely right. This is why you never listen to what women say, but watch what they do. The truth lies in their actions. 3
RDawg Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 "She who has the cookie has the power" And I wouldn't want it any other way. Isn't life beautiful? Cruel but beautiful.
flightplan Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 I'm a big believer in the world is your mirror. You get back what you put out. If you want to know how you feel about yourself... just look around. Your beliefs about life are reflected right back at you. Thats why I think it's absolutely necessary to love yourself, truly love yourself in order to attract a healthy relationship. A lot of the issues on LS could be avoided if we thought more of ourselves and had higher self esteem. Thats why it's so damn important to work on yourself before taking on a new relationship. After my most recent break, I can feel how I've changed and how much easier it is to see red flags. How I view myself has changed and I'm already experiencing a greater quality of individuals that I attract into my life. Growth isn't always pretty, or easy, but there is nothing like truly embracing yourself and liking who you are. People instinctively pick up on your vibe and it would be virtually impossible for me to attract the kind of relationship I once had. It can only get better. My two cents. 3
somedude81 Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 (edited) And herein lies the problem. People treat relationships like a power struggle, not a partnership. It's about game-playing, staying "strong" and maintaining "power". The whole point of intimacy is to let down your guard, forget about how the scales are balanced, and work together to build the life you want. Now, everything is about maintaining that initial infatuation as long as possible and being the one with the "power". It's sickening, really. Yeah, I tried to treat my most recent relationship as a partnership and she dumped me. Know what she said to me during the break up talk? "You like me so much. I feel that I can't like you as much and that makes me feel guilty." Edit: One thing I want to point out is that I never said about anything about limiting how much I love a woman. I just need to make her love me more, so she won't use that as a reason to leave me. Edited April 16, 2014 by somedude81
Under The Radar Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 Yeah, I tried to treat my most recent relationship as a partnership and she dumped me. Know what she said to me during the break up talk? "You like me so much. I feel that I can't like you as much and that makes me feel guilty." Edit: One thing I want to point out is that I never said about anything about limiting how much I love a woman. I just need to make her love me more, so she won't use that as a reason to leave me. That's the thing ...... you can't MAKE someone love you more. That's why it is so important to love yourself, be comfortable in your own skin, and create happiness from within ...... not pathologically through other people. Yes, it's true that the person who cares the least has the power, but what people don't tell you is that this doesn't constitute a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships can involve lesser imbalances between couples, over lengthy periods of time, that shifts back and forth. However, at the end of the day, both people should be having their physical and emotional needs met. Without that, at best, you are incompatible ...... at worst it becomes abusive and toxic.
somedude81 Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 (edited) That's the thing ...... you can't MAKE someone love you more. That's why it is so important to love yourself, be comfortable in your own skin, and create happiness from within ...... not pathologically through other people. None of that would have stopped her from dumping me. Yes, it's true that the person who cares the least has the power, but what people don't tell you is that this doesn't constitute a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships can involve lesser imbalances between couples, over lengthy periods of time, that shifts back and forth. But if it keeps the relationship going..... I was unlucky enough that my relationship couldn't handle the lesser imbalance. I'm pretty sure that if she didn't perceive an imbalance, she wouldn't have dumped me. However, at the end of the day, both people should be having their physical and emotional needs met. Without that, at best, you are incompatible ...... at worst it becomes abusive and toxic. All of my needs were getting met. And I'm sure all of her's were too. But I think she was also getting needs met that she didn't have. It was too much for her, so she freaked out. Edited April 16, 2014 by somedude81
Under The Radar Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 None of that would have stopped her from dumping me. But if it keeps the relationship going..... I was unlucky enough that my relationship couldn't handle the lesser imbalance. I'm pretty sure that if she didn't perceive an imbalance, she wouldn't have dumped me. All of my needs were getting met. And I'm sure all of her's were too. But I think she was also getting needs met that she didn't have. It was too much for her, so she freaked out. My point wasn't that being happy with yourself guarantees never being dumped. The point is that it's more attractive AND if you are dumped ...... it's far less devastating ...... because your happiness is not solely dependent on a single individual. I don't know any healthy person who discontinues a relationship ...... platonic, or otherwise ...... when ALL of their needs are being met.
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted April 16, 2014 Author Posted April 16, 2014 I was a little hesitant about posting this in the beginning, but I am loving this discussion. All have made good points!! Very informative... I definitely agree about self-esteem and having a deep respect and love for yourself. I think many people, myself included, stumble at this point and have many problems afterward. 1
somedude81 Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 My point wasn't that being happy with yourself guarantees never being dumped. The point is that it's more attractive AND if you are dumped ...... it's far less devastating ...... because your happiness is not solely dependent on a single individual. I don't know any healthy person who discontinues a relationship ...... platonic, or otherwise ...... when ALL of their needs are being met. I don't think she was emotionally healthy. But I was the one who got burned.
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