How do you feel about someone being friends with their ex?

[purplesoccer34]

I'm just curious to hear what other people think.

 

I got out of a relationship around nine months ago, and since then, my ex and I have spoken a little, but not too much. We have brief online conversations maybe once in two months or something like that, and they're very casual. We're part of the same circle of friends, so the only time I see him is when my friends all get together. When we see each other, we are cordial, and talk to each other the way everyone else in the group talks to each other.

 

I absolutely don't have feelings for him anymore, but I still consider him a friend. I currently need his help with a certain project, and he said that he would be glad to help me, so I'm about to meet him briefly for that reason only. This is the first time I'll spending any time alone with him after breaking up.

 

He currently has a girlfriend that he's crazy about, and I have a serious crush on another guy lol--I like this new guy so much that I haven't had thoughts about anyone else since meeting him. However, I don't want to be doing anything wrong by spending time alone with my ex, especially since he has a girlfriend.

 

Would you be okay with your bf/gf spending time with their ex in this manner?

[sooshi]

I would be okay with it, because I'd be secure in our relationship and I'd trust my partner. But I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who wouldn't feel comfortable with it. So, it probably depends on how secure your partner feels in the relationship, and the level of trust. There are probably other factors too.

[flightplan]

To each his own. If you guys are truly over each other, then I would normally say no problem, but the issue here is not so much how you and your ex would feel about it, it also impacts how your significant others feel about it.

 

Personally, if you were my ex and you reached out to me to work on a project, I would have to say no. Not because I want to be an ass about it or I'm not over you, but to avoid any sense of impropriety to my new girlfriend. She comes first over you. Even if my new girlfriend said it was ok, I still wouldn't meet you. Come to think of it, I wouldn't even consider asking my new girlfriend because I don't want to put her in an awkward position to answer, so in essence, I wouldn't consider spending time with you in this manner. It's not worth it. Find someone else to help you with your project. My two cents.

[Strength in Healing]

I would be okay with it, because I'd be secure in our relationship and I'd trust my partner.

 

 

Though admirable, I'd advise against this.

 

To the OP, I have trouble believing you NEED HIS help on any project. I'm sure you can rationalize it in some manner or many, but I bet you don't truly 100% VITALLY need his help. And the fact you mention some guy you have a crush on doesn't help your case... sounds like you're trying to validate.

Edited April 16, 2014 by Strength in Healing

[InnocentMan]

The 'friendship' ended the moment you began bumping uglies. Some enlightened souls manage to pull it off, but it's disrespectful to any new partners. There's no reason you can't be pleasant if you ever cross paths, but arranging alone time is a recipe for disaster.

[Allumere]

I think there are a lot of variables in that equation. With that said I would be open to it. I am in the flip situation, friends with an ex. and I'm friends with his girlfriend. Its a case of her trusting me and I think she knows I'll keep him out of trouble! I think the key is keeping the OP in the loop. If helping with a project could the current girlfriend come along?