how to win him back?

[brokenhearted9]

Hi everyone, I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 monnths and we've had our shares of ups and downs. We've broken up so many times but I have always managed to get him back. I am a highly insecure person and at times I get clingy becuase I always thought the worst of him and some of it came to be true. He is a huge perve and would go online and flirt with women but this was usually in the time periods where we were " broken up". I caught him a coupleof times and he said he was just having fun and that's it. Since then I don't trust him and am always afriad he's going to cheat so I do a pre-emptive thing and always talk about men who have asked me out and I befriend them trying to make my boyfriend jeolous. It's taken a toll on the both of us and we always get into fights. At this momment I believe that if I backed off to give him space that he might cheat on me and I would never know or he couldmiss me so much he would realize what he has. I know I look like a weak person because I want to be with him all the time. I was thinking about backing off and kind of do the no contact thing anymore. Perhaps play hard to get in order so that he will love amd miss me again and only remember the good with us. Do you guys think that this will work or is it too much game playing. someone told me to be really sweet to him when he does contact me but not to contact him myself. To stay busy and that will put me in a good light? do you think that will work or will it just give him an easy way out and I won't have time to make it up to him and be a better girlfriend who isn't so clingy . Thanks

[lost_in_chgo]

Honesty too much to ask?

Maybe stopping the manipulative stuff?

Perhaps addressing your own insecurities instead of victimizing the man in your life?

 

Nahh, didn't think so.

 

Give him an easy way out and don't call him anymore.

[Sharmaine]

I'd back off and play it cool to test him. More so because you've admitted that throughout your relationship, you've been 'needy', 'clingy' and 'desperate' to keep hold of him. Sounds like you need him, more than he needs you.....he's therefore controlling the relationship. He's sooo sure of you, knows that you want him and prob thinks he can come back to you anytime he pleases and you'll be there awaiting him and take him back. Your change in behaviour might rouse his curiosity, he'll wonder why you aren't running up his backside anymore, why he isn't the center of your world anymore, etc, etc.......(the roles may reverse and hopefully he will then become afraid that he may be losing you).

 

While I've advised what I'd do, there's no guarantee it will work. IMO, it sometimes doesn't matter what we do/how we act/whether we back off or not/whether we try to move on or not, etc, etc......if an ex doesn't have the feelings for you that they did, they've fallen out of love with you, feel the relationship is beyond repair, etc, etc......they won't be back.

 

You only get a 'second chance' if feelings between the both of you still run deep IMO.

[Sharmaine]

Hmm, I kinda agree with lost too. Sound like you have 'trust' issues that run deep and maybe you should address those during ur 'back off'period.

[roxy_1980]

From what I've read the majority of your relationship has been playing games. I hasn't worked thus far, now has it. Maybe you should take a long hard look at yourself and all your previous relationships. I bet there will be a pattern of dependence.

 

I know this sounds harse. But, really all I want to do is give you some perspective, so you can heal. I think you do need to cool off (notice I didn't 'say play it cool'). They're shouldn't be any play about it.

 

If you get back together it should be a natural thing, not something you forced with mind games. Otherwise, it will blow up in your face. Since you've broken up several times, you probably already know this somewhere in your heart.