One step forward, about 50 back.

[Jessicalo]

So my ex and I broke up last June. We had been together for over 5 years, since we were both 15.

The reason we broke up was because of him being unfaithful...with our neighbor.

I moved back home about 175 miles away and tried my best to move on, I even dated a few other men.

Once I felt like I would finally be okay without him we somehow came into contact again. Me said he knows I can't live with him having a relationship(friendly or romantic) with the girl he essentially left me for.

He said he would do what it takes to make it up to me and wanted to make new memories with me.

All of the usual I miss you and I miss home(bull****, I guess, looking back now)

We would text everyday and she quit posting things of them being together(social media stalking issues, we all deal with this at some point I feel?)

Well one day I had a feeling they were still 'together' so I asked.

He said they still talk and stuff but it was no big deal.

I told him I felt disrespected and it is a big deal to me.

He said sorry I didn't realize it would be and agreed we should take some distance, again.

I feel like I'm at square one.

Ok, maybe not that bad, but still pretty bad.

I feel like a fool for believing him.

I wish I didn't feel such a strong connection with him.

When we are together all is right in the world and I have my best friend and my family back.

He was my family.

But now she's posting things all over about them being together and about how much she likes him and how mysterious their connection is or whatever.

It hurts!!

I haven't heard from him since I have him this 'ultimatum'

 

What makes it hardest is I work for his sister and brother in law who just started their own business.

I love my job and just got my own apartment so I depend on it at this point.

What can I do to et past him and his new girl?

What would make him go from my arms one day to her arms three days later?

 

Any advice is extremely appreciated!

[Jessicalo]

I suppose the biggest thing I have getting past is, if he is in a budding relationship with this woman then why did he lead me on?

I spent a few weekends with him in which we were intimate and he did treat me as if I were who he were interested in romantically.

I understand sex is just sex sometimes but it was more than that.

How could the man I though I knew, the one person in the world I trusted above all others, how could he be so deceitful?

He doesn't think he was leading me on.

Maybe a piece of me made that up in my head,

But I do know he rekindled things to a degree only to turn his back on me again.

 

How many times will I be burned before I move past this?

 

Should I look for a new job in the meantime? I know nowhere will take care of me the way they do as employers. My bosses are the best and I consider them friends. I only wish they weren't related.

[sooshi]

Not keeping in contact with him will help you heal. Not seeing her posts will be greatly beneficial to you as well. It only hurts you to see that stuff.

 

Unfortunately, he was unfaithful with you, so he was with someone else before things ended... and probably for a while before it ended. I know that hurts, and I'm sorry for what you've been put through and for the pain you're going through right now.

 

I would encourage you to block him and her on your social media. It will prevent you from hurting yourself and taking all of those steps backwards because you won't see what they're doing or what's happening in their lives. I know you two have been through a lot--five years is a long time--and that you're both very young. I hope that despite how painful this is for you, that it won't prevent you from opening your heart to someone else in the future. You deserve to be with someone who will remain faithful to you.

 

As for the job... you like it there and you like who you work with/for. If you can be okay with them being related to your ex, then you can stay. If it really bothers you to the point that it's not helping you heal, then looking for other work is a viable option.

[Jessicalo]

I know I should stop looking at their pages, it does only hurt me more.

But it's like a morbid curiosity.

"How could they be so happy together when I am hurting this much, surely she's just a distraction?"

I dont think she's a distraction at this point. They have a lot of similar interests.

I still just can't wrap my head around why he kept me so involved if he wasn't truly interested.

 

As far as the cheating goes, he was emotionally cheating on me for about a month leading up to our breakup but he was honest about sleeping with her.

I guess I'm greatful for his honesty.

 

Thanks for your reply, this is really tough

[Newtothis2014]

I suppose the biggest thing I have getting past is, if he is in a budding relationship with this woman then why did he lead me on?

I spent a few weekends with him in which we were intimate and he did treat me as if I were who he were interested in romantically.

I understand sex is just sex sometimes but it was more than that.

How could the man I though I knew, the one person in the world I trusted above all others, how could he be so deceitful?

He doesn't think he was leading me on.

Maybe a piece of me made that up in my head,

But I do know he rekindled things to a degree only to turn his back on me again.

 

How many times will I be burned before I move past this?

 

Should I look for a new job in the meantime? I know nowhere will take care of me the way they do as employers. My bosses are the best and I consider them friends. I only wish they weren't related.

 

My similar is quite similar, minus the working for the family part - which I think might be holding you back in a way - as you'll ALWAYS be reminded of him in your day-to-day life.

 

I, like you, find it weird understanding how someone you loved, loved you can change and suddenly be so deceitful and have changed so much. I still don't understand it. Only today have I finally blocked him back on social media - as he unblocked me just before he sent me a breadcrumb text around 6 weeks ago. I feel sick but a bit better. Unfortunately our phones don't grant us the luxury of banning us searching their names on other social media sites.

 

I don't understand it. All I can imagine is 'People Change'. But I have a hard time accepting it too.

[Jessicalo]

Newtothis

Sorry to hear you're going through a similar situation. It hurts bad when someone you love turns their back on you.

The good news is, today I feel much better and happy, and you will too. Probably a lot sooner than you think.

 

 

To anyone reading who is dealing with a broken heart,

I recommend reading, writing, yoga, and nature.

These things will help you find yourself.

If you try yoga specifically, work on opening up your hips. We hold many emotions here. Time to clean them all out, I'd say.

 

Stay true to yourself! I'm trying to, as well.

[Jessicalo]

About a month and a half ago my ex(we were together 5 years) and I were on very good terms.

He had me convinced he would make up his infidelity to me and that he wanted me in his life. We texted every day and slept together a few times.

Turns out he was still 'friends' with the girl he cheated on me with and I was not okay with it. I let him know.

He said too bad he wasn't going to end the friendship.

I implemented NC and have been in it for a month now.

 

I had a weak moment and looked at her twitter, turns out they moved in together.

It was like a kick in the teeth.

 

I work with his family and apparently nobody knew he was in a 'relationship' with this girl, they're under the impression they're just friends which isn't true.

His father has met her personally several times and doesn't like her, says she is the most manipulative person he may have ever met.

 

(He is not a regular topic at work. They knew I was hurting and that's why they let me vent about it. They think he isn't himself lately either an also had things to say about his character in general these days)

 

That's besides the point I suppose.

I blocked them both on facebook and I blocked his number, not that he has tried to contact me since a month ago.

 

I know I have to move on, I even have a date today(yay!), but I can't wrap my head around this. It's like I truly don't know him anymore.

 

Do relationships like theirs last? I know it doesn't matter at his point and that none of you lovely people have the answers I'm looking for but I appreciate all insight and opinions.

 

Have an awesome day, guys!

[Jessicalo]

I forgot to mention, it's coming up on a year since we offically broke up because he slept with our neighbor, the woman I speak of in the post.

[David87]

It doesnt matter what she does from now on. She's free to move in with who ever she desires. Why do you care ? Do you want her back or what?

 

Move on dude.... she's not your girl anymore ....... accept the loss ..... sorry buddy.

[Jessicalo]

I'm obviously a girl and my ex is a boy...but that's besides the point.

I am moving on but it's hard after 5 year and losing your best and only friend.

 

I was just trying to get opinions from people who have been in similar situations.

 

Thanks for the reply

[Leigh 87]

My ex broke up with me a year ago too.

 

Why were you still involved with him? It can be hard, I still saw my ex for a month post break up, he came to stay with me, we wanted to cuddle in bed like old times, we were still very close and found it hard not to revert back to old habits.

 

But damn, after a year it would do my head in to still have carried hope around! Your ex sounds like a real @ss for alluding to wanting a second chance, only to move in with the girl a month or so after you quit contact with him>!?!

 

Bottom line is, men break up with women after 5 year relationships only to fall head over heels for the next girl and move in with her rather quickly and have happy lives together.

 

However, my good friend was in that position.... She ended a 3 year relationship that she just didn't "feel" anymore. She was no longer in love with her boyfriend and wanted out for some time. She dropped her ex when she met "the one". She was so over her old relationship and it took meeting the right guy to spur her on into dropping her ex, it just so happens.

 

She genuinely WAS smitten with the new guy and they remain together and it is a true love connection and not just her attempt to rebound. She was OVER her relationship LONG before it ended!

 

So yeah, in her case, she wasn't someone who broke up and then wanted to fill the void; she had wanted to break up for MANY months and it took meeting a guy she REALLY liked to make her finally end things with her ex!

[stillafool]

I'm obviously a girl and my ex is a boy...but that's besides the point.

I am moving on but it's hard after 5 year and losing your best and only friend.

 

I was just trying to get opinions from people who have been in similar situations.

 

Thanks for the reply

 

I hear this so much, "My ex was my best friend and now I have nobody." People, stop making you gf/bf your best friend. Wait until you marry to do that. Anyway, OP no matter what his parents feel about his new girl he refused to end the relationship with her when you asked and now he has moved in with her. That pretty much tells you everything you need to know about how he feels about her. It has been a year since your breakup and he has moved on with her. Whether they last or not will be seen in time. I'm glad you have a date with a new guy to help you get over your ex because the ex seems to be gone for good.

[David87]

I'm obviously a girl and my ex is a boy...but that's besides the point.

I am moving on but it's hard after 5 year and losing your best and only friend.

 

I was just trying to get opinions from people who have been in similar situations.

 

Thanks for the reply

 

 

 

Sorry , my mistake. I read your thread in a hurry. I was rude. I know how much you are hurting right now but he decided to be in another relationship. It will get better in time. The best thing you can do at the moment is to try and start NC because you still have strong feelings for him.

 

It happened to me 2 times and it hurt like hell but it got better after a couple of months.

[nutcheesy]

A quote i read that hit me..

 

'' If you have a choice between me and her, choose her because if you really loved me there wouldnt be a choice ''.

[me85]

This makes me so sad for you. I know exactly how you feel and hope you're in better spirits soon. It is VERY HARD. My BU was last July and, it's just insane what I've done. It really is 50% my own damn fault. I know better. They just string us along only to keep us as a back up plan after they dump us and start seeing someone new. You know, in case in doesn't work out with that other person and they know we love them so they're covered. Pretty sweet deal. (errrrr jerks!)

 

Hang in there sweetie! I'm going through the same hard time too. Today is the first day I've been down and out about it in a while though. After all this time I've become numb and just like whatever. I know I can't take anything he says or does seriously. I don't get my hopes up or excited when he texts or calls. But it's time I start holding him accountable instead of just acting like I don't care what he does. I'm not a shoulder. It's time I stop being all held back and let him know I want him out of my life for GOOD. I've been telling myself not to show anger cuz that shows I care. Be mysterious, etc...but forget that. I have lost almost all feelings for him at this point and it's time I let him know.

[Jessicalo]

This makes me so sad for you. I know exactly how you feel and hope you're in better spirits soon. It is VERY HARD. My BU was last July and, it's just insane what I've done. It really is 50% my own damn fault. I know better. They just string us along only to keep us as a back up plan after they dump us and start seeing someone new. You know, in case in doesn't work out with that other person and they know we love them so they're covered. Pretty sweet deal. (errrrr jerks!)

 

Hang in there sweetie! I'm going through the same hard time too. Today is the first day I've been down and out about it in a while though. After all this time I've become numb and just like whatever. I know I can't take anything he says or does seriously. I don't get my hopes up or excited when he texts or calls. But it's time I start holding him accountable instead of just acting like I don't care what he does. I'm not a shoulder. It's time I stop being all held back and let him know I want him out of my life for GOOD. I've been telling myself not to show anger cuz that shows I care. Be mysterious, etc...but forget that. I have lost almost all feelings for him at this point and it's time I let him know.

 

 

 

Your response made me feel better. Thank you! I hope to also lose all feelings. I'm very close at this point, and I wouldn't take him back after all of this.

Rejection just sucks and it leads me to wonder if he is using her as an emotional band aid for the loss of me or if he really does want to be with her.

 

He literally did a 180, from wanting to be with me and planning to see me more and more, to being okay with nc from me and moving in with her(he was living with his dad but hated it, he had already considered moving out. The timing just lined up for it to be with her. Still besides the point I suppose)

 

Now here we are. I have completely blocked him.

 

If she makes him happy then I have no choice but to butt out so that's what I'm doing.

 

It's just hard to be strung along, as many of you know.

[me85]

Your response made me feel better. Thank you! I hope to also lose all feelings. I'm very close at this point, and I wouldn't take him back after all of this.

Rejection just sucks and it leads me to wonder if he is using her as an emotional band aid for the loss of me or if he really does want to be with her.

 

He literally did a 180, from wanting to be with me and planning to see me more and more, to being okay with nc from me and moving in with her(he was living with his dad but hated it, he had already considered moving out. The timing just lined up for it to be with her. Still besides the point I suppose)

 

Now here we are. I have completely blocked him.

 

If she makes him happy then I have no choice but to butt out so that's what I'm doing.

 

It's just hard to be strung along, as many of you know.

 

 

I'm glad my post made you feel better! I'm having a rotten day and luckily my job is pretty laid back because I have like no focus today. Good thing these down days come and go and they're getting to be fewer and farther in between but they still happen out of no where sometimes.

 

IT IS HARD BEING STRUNG ALONG. I've been strung along for nearly a year now. I would literally pay to have a hypnotist(?) work some "magic" on my brain. Hell, I'd pay and do just about anything to help me forget about my ex. This is crazy, but I've prayed for amnesia! It's that bad.

 

I think and feel the same as you do about the new girl. But the fact is, no matter the reason why they're with them...They're with THEM...not us.

[Jessicalo]

I'm glad my post made you feel better! I'm having a rotten day and luckily my job is pretty laid back because I have like no focus today. Good thing these down days come and go and they're getting to be fewer and farther in between but they still happen out of no where sometimes.

 

IT IS HARD BEING STRUNG ALONG. I've been strung along for nearly a year now. I would literally pay to have a hypnotist(?) work some "magic" on my brain. Hell, I'd pay and do just about anything to help me forget about my ex. This is crazy, but I've prayed for amnesia! It's that bad.

 

I think and feel the same as you do about the new girl. But the fact is, no matter the reason why they're with them...They're with THEM...not us.

 

 

I've also been strung along for a year. And now he is so happy in his new home with her and my nerves are shot.

 

I can't wait for the day that I can say I am truly over it and they no longer plague my thoughts. Sometimes it's pure anguish. How someone could claim to love me but treat me in such a way is beyond me.

 

I'm sorry that you have been in the same boat as me but it helps to know I'm not alone through all of this bs.

[Jessicalo]

Every morning he seems to be the first thing on my mind, and all through the day thoughts of him pop up and invade my mind.

 

When will this end?

 

He's in a new relationship and living with the new girl, I know he isn't thinking of me the way I am him.

 

I'm sick of it, to be quite frank.

 

Is this normal?