KannibalxClown Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Before I start, i just want to point out that i know i'm being silly, i know i'm being over dramatic or whatever else you want to throw at me. I came on this for advice, so please dont judge me. I got with my girlfriend about 5 months ago. I had just got out of a 3 year relationship and she just left a 4 year year relationship. We'd known each other for years, and we was always on each others minds. Ive always loved her. I've never been happier then when im with her. But when i became single, i never had a so called "Rebound". I never slept with anyone else. I had an interest, but nothing became of it. However, she started talking to an old friend (We hadnt been in touch for a while by this point). She went out with him a few times, nothing special just like clubbing every now and again. One night she decided that she would stay at his house instead of going all the way home. All it took was one night together in bed and she immediately had sex with him. I was fine with all this until i found out that she kept hiding major factors about this whole thing from me that i had to find out by myself. She claimed that she never really had a thing from him, but from seeing the messages between them she was practically in love with him. She complimented him all the time, spoke to him like he was gods gift. He slept with her on the first damn night. However, she claims i'm special just because "I was on her mind all the time." She never spoke to me like she spoke to him, she treated him exactly the same as me. We used to stay up until 2am talking on facebook and text, but she did with him too. Not once did she compliment the way i look, or talk to me like she did with him. Just incase it matters, i have an average body. I'm just an average guy. This other guy was a proper gym monkey. Nice body, muscle, good figure and all that. So i'm sure you can understand how i feel when he was complimented on his muscles and i never got complimented on anything, ever. She defends it by saying that she was lonely and hadnt felt loved for ages. I was exactly the same but i didnt jump in bed with the first person to show me some interest. I just dont feel special to her. I dont feel any different to him. And i cant bring any of this up to her because she just gets mad and says that "its in the past and i should forget about it." I cant forget about it. Ive started working out just to get a body that she will like. She says she dosent like muscle but its obviously she does, because everytime ive become a bit more toned or muscular she absolutely loves it. I cant get over him, and i hate the fact that whenever i do anything with her that she did with him, i feel psychically sick. I hate always thinking about it, its always on my mind. Please help me, how can i get over this? I dont want to hate her for something like this.
UnlitCandle Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 I think this is one of those instances where you just have to ask her who she really wants to be with. If she wants to be with you, don't torment yourself like that. If she still has a thing for the rebound guy, I'd suggest walking away.
hasaquestion Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Big f***ing deal. There's someone out there who's hotter than you. That's life. There's always someone hotter than you. Not to be harsh but if you're so scared of her leaving you then just dump her. No one's holding a gun to your head making you date her. Besides, she's with you, is she not? Maybe you're not as appalling as you seem to think you are.
Woop1337 Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 (edited) So this rebound happened before you guys became an item? So what's the big deal? As a matter of fact, why did you even ask her about it? I read this passage on Malcolm x's autobiography, back in high school. I still try to follow it, to this day. "Never ask a woman about other men. Either she’ll tell a lie, and you still won’t know, or if she tells you the truth, you might not have wanted to hear it in the first place." Edited April 15, 2014 by Woop1337
Salvatore85 Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 I'll simply never understand why people want to know someone's past or things they've done with another person? It's like torture and you just do it to yourself. Dude she loves you. She wasn't a virgin when you started dating her and most likely said similar things to the guy she dated before her rebound, get over it. Otherwise you're going to lose someone who makes you happy over something so incredibly trivial. 1
InnocentMan Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 You should judge her from the moment your relationship started. If you were in communication with her and discussing getting together, you may have a slight issue to deal with. If you weren't, then it's got nothing to do with you really. Not sure how you got hold of her messages to this other dude, but it wasn't a very good idea in hindsight. You can't un-see what you saw, so you have to decide, asap. Can you get over it, or will it always be in the back of your mind? Most women like men with good bodies, much the same as men like women with good bodies. It's hardly breaking news. It's ok for you to work out for your own benefit, but doing it purely do impress a woman isn't always successful. A good body will attract a woman of course, but you've already got her. Neglecting the emotional side of the relationship in favour of the physical will see it come to a swift ending. In summary, grow up and forget about it, or you will lose her. 1
LustAppeal Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Dude. Don't ask or snoop into a girls past, if she shares her demons with you... well be prepared to get uncomfortable. Now that you know this you have to pick one of two things. A)Work on getting over it. B) Break up with her and start fresh. Obviously you're headed down "A's" path, so for that I can tell you that if you stop worrying/snooping/digging into her past, if she stops doing things that put this kind of anxiety on you, it WILL get easier and you'll have no problem getting over it. Everyone has baggage and when it comes to helping them unpack the main thing to remember is that her telling you every single sexual info of her past IS NOT unpacking!! It's tossing the baggage on you and wondering if you can hold it. So now that you know... Either hold onto the baggage and get over the weight just like she did, or drop it all and run. Take it from someone with the experience to give that advice! 1
sarbunoemi Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 I would recommend breaking up with her because she obviously doesn't respect your feelings and whenever you try to clarify things, she gets mad. In other words, she doesn't know what she wants and treats you as a second option. Don't workout out for her just to make her love you, that's unnecessary. If she loves you, she would accept you as you are. You are suffering rather than being happy so if you break up with her, you would do a very big favor for yourself. After the break up, if she searches for you and fights for you then you can give her a chance, but if she don't, then she wasn't worth it. You deserve more than that, a girl who pays a special attention to you, who accepts you and loves you and don't ever compare yourself to another guy, you have the same worth as he does, you are equal you don't need to change just in case if you want to change for YOURSELF.
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