atlg8r Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 But guys she doesnt know if we will be together again due to long distance ... but i guess someone that wants to be with you can make it through long distance for one or two years... she says she has her freedom cause she was coming from a very controlling family and wants to experience collage life... she broke up with me after 3 weeks of ld. That's very fast for a 1,5 year relationship...but whatever ... on february when we had sex and we were hugging i was in tears... she said i can have you whenever i want you with a tip of my finger This is a joke, right? If this is for real, you really need to re-examine your approach to relationships. You come across as desperate, needy and frankly, a little pathetic. No woman wants that. Move on. She probably led you on when she left to soften the blow. All that matters is how she is treating you now, which is like dirt. 1
Zahara Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 Do you think women find men that act like doormats attractive? No. You're acting like a doormat. Why does she do it? It's because she knows she can, it's because you allow her to do it and it's because she finds satisfaction and power in knowing that you will sit there whiny, weak and pathetic accepting abuse. You can't keep complaining. It's not going to change because this is who she is. You either accept being treated like a piece of crap and stop complaining or you do something about it. You said that she treated you mean because she wanted you to move on. ***** that mess. When someone cares for you they let you go gently. They keep themselves out of your life. They help you with the process of healing and moving on by keeping NC. She doesn't want you to heal. She wants to manipulate you. You don't want to block her because you want her back? Why? You want to get emotionally abused again? FFS, think dammit.
Author born Posted April 17, 2014 Author Posted April 17, 2014 Well ok its my first relationship i never was a doormat while in the relationship but when she left me ... im just sad ... im trying to end on good terms but she is just nasty and i hate being rude to a person i love but i have no other choise
atlg8r Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 Well ok its my first relationship i never was a doormat while in the relationship but when she left me ... im just sad ... im trying to end on good terms but she is just nasty and i hate being rude to a person i love but i have no other choise You don't have to be rude. I take it you are pretty young. Sometimes relationships just end. You do not need to say anything nasty or make a huge scene. Sometimes it is just best to say, "You know what? I am unhappy. But as long as we are in touch like this, I will stay unhappy." Then you choose that you want to get better. And as hard as it is, you just let that person go. You don't have to make some big declaration like "I'm not speaking to you anymore!" Just delete her contacts from your phone/facebook/snapchat/whatever. Then find things to do that bring you some happiness, and over time it gets easier. The first time I got broken up with after a long term relationship, I was a mess. Couldn't eat for weeks - I lost like 30 pounds (which for me was actually nice in the long run haha). But you have to go through these circumstances to learn and get wiser and more mature. Remember - if you want to get married some day to that one special person, you have to go through a lot of toads to get there and they will end in break-ups. It gets easier. Just make sure to take care of yourself, treat yourself with respect and make sure that you don't let others treat you badly. If they do, say goodbye and do not feel bad about it! 1
Zahara Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 Well ok its my first relationship i never was a doormat while in the relationship but when she left me ... im just sad ... im trying to end on good terms but she is just nasty and i hate being rude to a person i love but i have no other choise I am saying you are acting like a doormat NOW. I don't care how you acted while in the relationship. You are acting like a doormat NOW and that is why she treating you like dirt NOW. Why in heaven's name would you want to end on good terms with someone that treats you badly? You are waiting for this woman to validate you. You are waiting for her to start treating you nice again because that would mean that you meant something to her. You want to end on good terms so that it keeps your hope of reconciling alive -- you want to have that small window open. When someone treats you like dirt, it is because they want to treat you like dirt, it's because they have no respect for you. You cannot have expectations of someone treating you well when they are SHOWING and CHOOSING not to do so. And you want to be in good terms with someone like that? You truly need to wake up.
Chi townD Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 (edited) But guys she doesnt know if we will be together again due to long distance ... but i guess someone that wants to be with you can make it through long distance for one or two years... she says she has her freedom cause she was coming from a very controlling family and wants to experience collage life... she broke up with me after 3 weeks of ld. That's very fast for a 1,5 year relationship...but whatever ... on february when we had sex and we were hugging i was in tears... she said i can have you whenever i want you with a tip of my finger Dude, really? Where's your spine and I'm trying to say this in the nicest way possible. She dumped you so she can run off and play the field and bed guys in England without feeling guilty about it. And she not that concerned about you or your feelings if she's sending you pics of guys that she's dating. That's gotten feel really good! And she had the balls to say that she's got you wrapped around her little finger and the sad part is? I can't fault her for saying that BECAUSE SHE DOES!!!! And you're not moving on with your life because you're waiting for her to come back and hopefully she'll throw a dog a bone! What if she comes back and she doesn't want to meet up with you because her boyfriend is going to be visiting her over the summer? Then, you've wasted all this time to allow yourself to heal because you were holding out on false hope. You also stated that you wanted to meet up so you can get "closure". Closure meet up's are about the most stupid thing on the planet. Why the hell would you want to sit there and listen to the reason on why someone doesn't want to be with you? Why sit there and listen to someone rattle off what they believe are your faults. Because, they're just going to do exactly that! Do you honestly think she's going to sit there and admit to you that the real reason she ended things with you is because she knew once she got to England, she was going to become a major slutbag? NOPE! She going to sit there and blame everything on you. Now, you're telling me that you don't want to go NC because you want things to end on a good note? Is sending you pictures of guys she's probably screwing your idea of ending things on a good note? Here's the rub, things have already ended! You are not her boyfriend, lover, or even a friend. You don't have a title connected to her anymore. So, if she texts you, ignore it, Block her on Facebook and if she calls, let it go to voicemail. Delete the snapchat app. You don't need that anyway. Go totally dark on her and move on with your life. Time to heal and move on dude. Edited April 17, 2014 by Chi townD
Author born Posted April 17, 2014 Author Posted April 17, 2014 it's just that when she was about to leave everyone told her to break up with me so i don't get heartbroken but she said we will make it through... whatever she didn't hold more than 3 weeks. But when i've told her that i'm going to delete her and move on she said she still loves me and wears my shirt before she goes to bed and still wears a necklace i bought her. She says why can't we hang out every time she is here. She also told me that i could visit her there.But you know what ... as much i wanted to say things are ok and i will continue to see her and have sex with her it ain't ... i don't like sharing her ... i've also told her i had sex with a girl when she was here and she said she couldn't believe it... i've told her it's not my fault you caused it... all my friends told me that she just likes to play with you and have you on the back burner just in case it doesn't work there with the guys she is hanging out... i've dated 2-3 girls but i don't find them attractive and i don't feel there is a spark so i'm making and effort to move forward ... i'm not just waiting for her to come back
Author born Posted April 17, 2014 Author Posted April 17, 2014 i would also like to add that while she was here she always called me like she never left... and a week after she got back in England we were skyping alot even slept together. She took pictures of us and uploaded them in her instagram but after a while the same **** started again. I don't know guys she is 19 young and wants new experiences... she doesn't want to commit to someone from now and on top of that have a ldr. I've told her that i would do anything to come there and it was just 2 year (now 1)... i offered 2 trips a year to see her for 3 weeks each time and we could spent the summers together. That's what we had planned from the start.
Zahara Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 Look, what happened in the past, details of who, what, when and how -- IRRELEVANT to what is happening to you now. Stop replaying it over and over in your head and trying to justify some sort of outcome. Focus on NOW. Focus on how she is treating you now. There is no expectation of you ending on good terms because when someone treats you like dirt, they have no capacity to give you what you want. No more but, if, it's just that, when -- no more. Regurgitating the past isn't going to change the facts you are being presented now. And the fact is that it is over, there is no ending it on a good note and she is not a healthy person for you to be engaging with. 2
Chi townD Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 (edited) it's just that when she was about to leave everyone told her to break up with me so i don't get heartbroken but she said we will make it through... whatever she didn't hold more than 3 weeks. But when i've told her that i'm going to delete her and move on she said she still loves me and wears my shirt before she goes to bed and still wears a necklace i bought her. She says why can't we hang out every time she is here. She also told me that i could visit her there.But you know what ... as much i wanted to say things are ok and i will continue to see her and have sex with her it ain't ... i don't like sharing her ... i've also told her i had sex with a girl when she was here and she said she couldn't believe it... i've told her it's not my fault you caused it... all my friends told me that she just likes to play with you and have you on the back burner just in case it doesn't work there with the guys she is hanging out... i've dated 2-3 girls but i don't find them attractive and i don't feel there is a spark so i'm making and effort to move forward ... i'm not just waiting for her to come back Dude, she knew all the right things to say to make you think that you were still number one in her heart. Yet....she still dumped you. Then, she proposed that you become her part-time boy toy whenever she's home. I guess the old maritime saying holds true! A girl in every port (or in this case, guy). Now, explain to me how is that fair to you? You deserve better! You deserve a girl that wants to be with you because there's no other place in the world that she would rather be. You dated 2-3 girls and didn't feel that "connection". Well, NO SH*T!! You're still hung up on your Ex! So, you're not ready to date anyone right now. That's not fair to you or the girl that you would be dating. You need to heal and let go of those feelings for your Ex. You want to know the hard truth? Your Ex isn't even thinking about you. The only time she does is when she's bored. So, I propose an experiment. I challenge you to block her on Facebook, delete your snapchat, unfollow her on twitter and delete her off of your Skype. Lets see how long it takes before she realizes you're missing. Edited April 17, 2014 by Chi townD 1
Simon Phoenix Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 im trying to end on good terms There's a quote from the movie Cocktail in which Tom Cruise's character says "Everything ends badly. Otherwise, it wouldn't end." You really need to take that quote to heart and stop acting like such an unattractive, weak-willed wuss. 2
Author born Posted April 17, 2014 Author Posted April 17, 2014 so just delete her from everything? without saying nothing? or should i just tell her all the bad things she has done to me the last month ?
Simon Phoenix Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 so just delete her from everything? without saying nothing? or should i just tell her all the bad things she has done to me the last month ? Don't say a word. Stop emoting like a 14-year-old girl. Just block and move forward. She needs to earn the right to hear your feelings. She hasn't. Just block, no more discussion, no more teenage-queen drama.
atlg8r Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 so just delete her from everything? without saying nothing? or should i just tell her all the bad things she has done to me the last month ? Okay, really. We all can't be any clearer. STOP TALKING TO HER. DON'T TELL HER YOU'RE BLOCKING HER. JUST DO IT AND MOVE ON. 1
Chi townD Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 so just delete her from everything? without saying nothing? or should i just tell her all the bad things she has done to me the last month ? Nope! Just delete her. You don't owe her an explanation because you are nothing to her! Like I said, you aren't her boyfriend, lover or friend. She made a choice when she dumped you and that was to have you out of her life. That's the choice she made. You're just giving her what she asked for. And don't bother telling her about all the bad things she did to you. The only thing that does is give her a reason to forgive herself for the way she treated you. "Fine! If that's the way he feels, I'm glad I got rid of his ass!" See, you just gave her a reason to forgive herself. By going dark you give her nothing. She has no idea where your head is at, no idea if you're mad or you hate her or you just don't care or if you've moved on. She has no idea. In a month when she realizes you're gone, she'll probably text you "How come you're not on Facebook anymore." IGNORE HER!!!!!! DO NOT RESPOND!!!! If you find it hard, post here instead.
Zahara Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 so just delete her from everything? without saying nothing? or should i just tell her all the bad things she has done to me the last month ? What are you not understanding? Yes, delete her from everything. You think she gives a shytt about the bad things she has done. If she cared she wouldn't be doing it. You want to do this because you hope she's going to say she's sorry and she won't do it again and things will resume again. Please for your sake, find some strength and some dignity.
Author born Posted April 17, 2014 Author Posted April 17, 2014 ok guys i just deleted her from everything ... i even deleted her number now all i have to do is pack some things she had and move them to the basament... i've been hurting for the last 8 months i had enough ... she was my first love and ok lets say the distance did us apart after all those things that happened how could i be with that person ... 7
Trapito Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 ok guys i just deleted her from everything ... i even deleted her number now all i have to do is pack some things she had and move them to the basament... i've been hurting for the last 8 months i had enough ... she was my first love and ok lets say the distance did us apart after all those things that happened how could i be with that person ... You did good! I applaud you! No more doormat behavior, you need to be strong or you will never get over this. 2
Chi townD Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 ok guys i just deleted her from everything ... i even deleted her number now all i have to do is pack some things she had and move them to the basament... i've been hurting for the last 8 months i had enough ... she was my first love and ok lets say the distance did us apart after all those things that happened how could i be with that person ... Awesome dude! I'm happy for ya! Now, I'm not going to lie. NC is going to be hard for you. But, you need to heal up from this and move on with your life. Start making positive changes in your life. Get new clothes, get a new hairstyle. Get a new hobby and be involved. Take a fun class or join a club. And travel! Go see the world yourself! If she tries to contact you, ignore it! Post about it here instead. If you have a feeling like you want to break NC, then post about it here. People will be here to walk you through it.
KaliLove Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 Yay! Good job. Being her occasional sex toy would only bring pain (and probably herpes) into your life.
Zahara Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 ok guys i just deleted her from everything ... i even deleted her number now all i have to do is pack some things she had and move them to the basament... i've been hurting for the last 8 months i had enough ... she was my first love and ok lets say the distance did us apart after all those things that happened how could i be with that person ... Pack the things in a box and put them away where you can't see it. You made a huge step today and be proud of yourself because YOU are taking charge of your life. You will not allow her to manipulate and control it anymore. Now, NC is going to be difficult. Like an addict coming off drugs. You're going to go up and down and face withdrawals. But you must stay strong and focus because she is not healthy for you. Come here and post when you feel weak. Start filling your life with things you like to do and have left by the wayside because you've been so focused on her. You invested 8 months in pain and hurt. Now it's time to start investing in healing and recovering from this.
Author born Posted April 17, 2014 Author Posted April 17, 2014 guys thanks alot for your support... you can't believe the emotional pain i was through when she ended it... i've lost a semester cause of this... she was just posting pictures of other guys etc one day i asked if we could be together and she told me how much more mean should i become for you to get over me? then i just went nc ... no more begging etc and then she started liking my pictures on facebook . Then wished me a simple happy new year which of course i didn't respond to ... just reminding me of her existence when i was trying to move on... it was what she asked for anyway.I think she liked me begging her and when i stopped she went nuts...she even told me that she was going crazy that i wasn't talking to her for a month before she came... She was the perfect girlfriend while we were in a relationship... i was her first and she was my first too . I was there when nobody was... all her friends were jelous of her cause she had the perfect boyfriend...i did the most romantic things you could imagine ... i bought her a dslr camera that she so much wanted but never asked me for something like that... she was screaming from happiness... she gave me written 100 reasons why she loved me and some pictures of us and one of them had written "when you know he is the one"
Trapito Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 Your next step: Stop thinking about the haapy days. If you think of her, focus on the bad. The crap she put you through. Thinking about the happy periods, makes you slip up. You become weak again. The person you thought she was, no longer exists. Focus on you. Ace school, have fun with your friends, work out (ver important). Live your life for you. 1
Chi townD Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 I agree. Stop focusing on the good times. Remember what you just wrote. She openly flaunted other guys in front of you to be mean so you would move on from her!!! She admitted that she was being mean to you on purpose. That's not love, dude. That's just cruel.
lauri Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 I agree. Stop focusing on the good times. Remember what you just wrote. She openly flaunted other guys in front of you to be mean so you would move on from her!!! She admitted that she was being mean to you on purpose. That's not love, dude. That's just cruel. Agreed. Also, those good times are over with. That old person she used to be with you is long gone. The person you were with her also left with the old her - because even if you do get back with her it won't be the same unless you fully heal and feel you can start from scratch. That said, getting back with this girl and continuing to talk to her is emotional suicide. Your ex is playing so many games - a girl who is truly interested and loves you can't / won't do that to you. She seems to get off at the fact you are in pain and can't get over her - I think that is a sick mentality and horrible what she is doing to get attention from you. You deserve a lot better man - honestly you do.
Recommended Posts