marycc Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 We are both 20 and we have been dating for 4 months and in my last relationship unfortunally I was mentally and physically abused (I think this matters in this situation). Things have been going really well and I have nothing to complain about. However, lately something has been bothering me... I'm really afraid that I'm just an "entertainment" for him and that he doesn't genuinly like me. So, I'll explain why: We met 3 years ago and about 2 years ago he confessed his feelings to me for the first time and I rejected him and told him that I wasn't ready to be in a relationship (I had broken up with my ex, but in fact we were still talking everyday because he kept threatning me saying that if I left him he would kill himself, so I couldn't leave him even when I already had feelings for my (actual) boyfriend). So obviously he got distant and started to talk with another girl. She was from France and about 2 months after I rejected him, he was asking me for advice related to her and about how great she was. (In fact, I thought it was just to make me jealous, but he actually told me recently that he was being serious, but at the same time he says he didn't like her.) Then, a few months later, I started a conversation with him, he stopped talking to her and we got closer again. The thing is: Today he told me that sometimes they would "talk dirty", and I started to (over)think about this whole situation and I think that due to my low self-esteem, I honestly think he really liked her and that he only gave up on her because she was far away, so when I started to talk to him again he saw the chance and grabbed it, since I was "easier" because I live near him. Basically I'm just really afraid that this is has been an illusion and we were not meant to be together. He keeps telling me it meant nothing, that he didn't like her and that she was only a distraction after I "left" him, but hey were constantly talking, they had the intimacy to be comfortable to talk dirty, he would even ask me for advice about her. I think that the only thing that got in his way was the distance factor and if she lived near, he would choose her over me... Another thing that left me thinking was the fact that he burnned every letter that she send to him... I think it may show that she had a great impact on his life to make him get to the point where he had to burn the letters. However, the fact that he was confident to tell about the "dirty talk" shows that he trusts me, and I wish I could trust him too and not being so afraid of not being genuinelly loved. Maybe I have to try to believe him and hope for the best, because honestly things are perfect between us, it's only the past that sometimes bothers me so sometimes I get confused. So, do you think that he's being honest? Or should I be more careful and do something? I don't really know what to do because at the same time I hope that I don't ruin this with my insecurities and make him feel bad about himself...so I really don't know if I should say something. Anyway...I'd like to hear some opinions, thank you
Keenly Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 You are WAY over thinking this. He didn't stop talking to that girl because you were easier. He stopped talking to her because he realized how unrealistic that relationship would have been. Then he decided to try again with the girl who he originally liked.. which is you. Calm down, do less thinking, and ride the waves.
stillafool Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Look, yes he liked her very much and they may have broken up due to distance. Most people will have had a relationship with someone they liked very much before they met you. His feelings for her has nothing to do with how he feels about you. Yes he likes you very much also. He is no longer with her but is with you now. He can't help it that he had a relationship with her first. He is telling you she meant nothing because he knows you are too insecure to hear the truth. Give the poor guy a break he's trying to be a good boyfriend.
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Another thing that left me thinking was the fact that he burnned every letter that she send to him... I think it may show that she had a great impact on his life to make him get to the point where he had to burn the letters. Lol. I'm guessing you're a glass-half-empty type?
JohnGamer999 Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Hello marycc, I don't think he's with you just because he couldn't have that other girl. In my opinion, burning the letters shows that he's over her. And he's sharing how he felt about her. That's a good sign too. Like Keenly has said I think you are over thinking this Don't always ask about her, but talk with him a lil when he is in a good mood. I think you have nothing to worry about Take Care
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