Koans Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Is it typical for girls who abruptly, claims to, "fell out of love", out the blue, to pick straws out the hat to validate their reasoning for the break up in order to weasel their way out and jump into a new relationship. Im assuming she had an emotional affair oppose to a rebound. With the difference being that she wanted to pursue another relationship, oppose to jumping in one to heal. feb 28th was our break up. But it's been since April 4th as the dumpee to accept the break up and say "BYE BYE" to her. I later connected the dots and cultivated that my ex was possibly having an emotional affair. This new guy is some friend that came out the wood works that she started dating a week after the break up. I'm reading all our initial emails from post-break up. (Btw try not to read your break up emails because it emotionally sets you back). Shes claiming that I was negative and I always pushed her away. What doesn't make sense to me is the month prior we went on a vacation together. And most of our arguments prior to break up came from her rejecting the idea of moving to my city. LDR relationship. The confusion of why should would reject my offer after 3 yrs of being together started all making sense to me I guess. I can't tell if she fully checked out the relationship coz she still kept our pictures framed up sitting by her bed post while dating with this new guy. And she started wilding out immediately drinking and staying out late in depression - according her to her best friend. She even canceled plans once with the new guy to "wild out" with her own friends. She also said she doesn't hate me?. And she would say ambiguous things like, "sometimes I think about us getting back together but don't get your hopes up." And, "Im not telling you to TOTALLY move on, but if it hurts for you to talk to me then try to move on." Gurls are confusing...She also claimed this new guy her b/f after a month. My question is of course the title on this thread and also... Is their really a difference between a rebound, or is an emotional affair the predecessor of a rebound. Would like your input in the context given above with my story. Thanx. What do yall think. Appreciate input.
Strength in Healing Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Eh, anyone who jumps into another relationship fast after ending one, in my opinion is emotionally unstable to a HIGH degree. Impulsive, lacking self-respect... many possibilities... Whether they are in a rebound is the least of it all. 5
elseaacych Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 When they leave you, they are ultimately leaving for someone else, whether it's five days or five years down the line before they actually get into one. It doesn't really matter what they do: all you know is that it hurts. My ex emotionally checked out on me, and was in a new relationship six weeks later. I don't know whether he was actually cheating, interested in this new person, or she was just there for him during the breakup process so he latched on to her. I don't know if he would have had the balls to make the jump if she wasn't there to catch him. Either way, it doesn't matter. What you need to do is to block all forms of communication with your ex, because everything is really raw right now. What matters is what you do to combat the bad feelings associated with your break up and stop worrying about them. Easiest way is to go NC, and no information. 1
redbaron005 Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Is it typical for girls who abruptly, claims to, "fell out of love", out the blue, to pick straws out the hat to validate their reasoning for the break up in order to weasel their way out and jump into a new relationship. Im assuming she had an emotional affair oppose to a rebound. With the difference being that she wanted to pursue another relationship, oppose to jumping in one to heal. feb 28th was our break up. But it's been since April 4th as the dumpee to accept the break up and say "BYE BYE" to her. I later connected the dots and cultivated that my ex was possibly having an emotional affair. This new guy is some friend that came out the wood works that she started dating a week after the break up. I'm reading all our initial emails from post-break up. (Btw try not to read your break up emails because it emotionally sets you back). Shes claiming that I was negative and I always pushed her away. What doesn't make sense to me is the month prior we went on a vacation together. And most of our arguments prior to break up came from her rejecting the idea of moving to my city. LDR relationship. The confusion of why should would reject my offer after 3 yrs of being together started all making sense to me I guess. I can't tell if she fully checked out the relationship coz she still kept our pictures framed up sitting by her bed post while dating with this new guy. And she started wilding out immediately drinking and staying out late in depression - according her to her best friend. She even canceled plans once with the new guy to "wild out" with her own friends. She also said she doesn't hate me?. And she would say ambiguous things like, "sometimes I think about us getting back together but don't get your hopes up." And, "Im not telling you to TOTALLY move on, but if it hurts for you to talk to me then try to move on." Gurls are confusing...She also claimed this new guy her b/f after a month. My question is of course the title on this thread and also... Is their really a difference between a rebound, or is an emotional affair the predecessor of a rebound. Would like your input in the context given above with my story. Thanx. What do yall think. Appreciate input. Its entirely possible you are correct in assuming that there was some emotional connection to this 'friend' before the official end of your relationship. She could have felt something toward this someone else, and decided that bc she felt this way you could not be the 'one.' Also had my LDR ex reject moving to my city. And then when I started laying plans to move to hers, it put pressure on the relationship. In this case, its probably best to give her at least 6-8 weeks of total silence/space to work things out herself. Tell her its you that needs the space and don't give a time-frame. Appear to totally move on so she is not using you as an emotional ballast.
Charlie Harper Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 A lot of these situations, start because a lot of people lack the emotional maturity to weather the loneliness due to lack of communication and emotional distance. In a lot of relationships there is always the "we get along fine" "we never fight" "there are no arguments between us", while deep down what is really going on is a lack of communication, understanding, so as a couple you grow distant and disconnected. Some people don't get panicked or look for validation somewhere else. they wait for a good time or a situation and reconnect ...but MOST people, end up feeling alone and look for someone else, validation, affairs, emotional relationships.... the end result is they check out and once in that situation is very difficult to reconnect... you have a breakup... People who never work out their differences in relationships and jump from one to the other and don't have a "cooling off" time and gather themselves before jumping into another relationship, are emotionally challenged/inmature. It happens more in Men than women (usually) but one of the biggest problems after a failed relationship is fixing yourself, healing and having a duel about it, most people don't like that and jump to other relationships to repeat the pattern.... so the saying goes: Different devil, but the same hell. 3
STM206 Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 My ex of 4 years jumped back into a relationship with his ex only a couple months after. I think they were chatting before he broke it off with me, but I don't believe there was an intention to run back to him until after he left - it's just a gut feeling I have. I think he jumped back into it because it was a way to distract and "move forward" he saw a chance to find some sort of happiness again and he took it, without really thinking about it. I personally don't think they will last. Like the previous poster said, jumping into another relationship so soon to me shows that they aren't really "looking for the right one" but more so a companion to help ease them through tough times.
Chi townD Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Yeah dude, sorry but you're right. She was having an emotional affair (EA) on you. So, forget your theory of a rebound relationship, she was cheating on you and she decided she wanted to take it to the next level which required kicking you to the curb. I mean, she was with this other dude within a week of breaking up with you. No mourning the loss of you or the relationship. Therefore, it tells me that she was invested in this other douche rocket. Thus, she was cheating on you. Dude, you didn't deserve that. This was not your fault. Time to heal and move on. 1
Jiivy Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 My fiancée of 7 years left me for another guy just over a month ago. I feel like a broken record on this forum repeating that already... Immaturity is the prime word her closest friends have unanimously reached out to me with since it happened. She admitted she's been in some form of emotional affair for 6 months. It doesn't change that it happened though. The only solace you have is that you aren't alone here on LS. Look at us lining up to tell you that it happened to us too. I swore up and down that she would love me to the ends of the earth...boy was I wrong. Take up NC, heal and reflect with us together. She may some time in the future understand her decision and grow up - but the chances are that she won't grow up with you. I'm starting to understand that the beautiful girl I love is gone...and whatever's left is never coming back.
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