Would this gift be seen as manipulative? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

[Universe]

Has anyone seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? It's a brilliant movie about a failed relationship. I recommend it to anyone going through a breakup. It's amazing.

The story takes place on and around Valentine's Day. I was thinking of giving this movie to my ex as a Valentine's gift. I think it would remind her how special our connection was. Not to manipulate her, but to remind her.

 

Has anyone seen this movie? And would it be seen as a manipulative gift?

[midori]

If you're giving it to her with the hope that she'll start thinking about your relationship with her in a different way, as it seems is the case, then yes, it is manipulative, whether or not she realizes it. Any gift given with a string attached, even if the string is only in your mind, is manipulative.

 

What would you do if she received the gift with nary a thank you? Or just "thank you very much" with no further comment or interaction? Would you be disappointed? Irritated?

 

A couple of days ago I saw an article that addressed issues my most recent ex is dealing with now in his life. We don't talk anymore, at my request, but when I saw the article I knew I ought to share it with him, so I emailed it to him. He hasn't replied at all, nor do I expect him to. In fact, I really had to think before I sent the article to him, because I didn't want to give him the impression that I expected to hear from him. It was only when I was sure that I didn't have any other motive besides wanting to bring the article to his attention that I decided it was okay to send it.

 

I really don't think a gift would be a good idea. Really, imagine how you'd feel if she just said, "thank you." Because that's a real possibility...

[alphamale]

UNIVERSE, I dont' think that is a good idea for a gift.

[Pocky]

Has anyone seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? It's a brilliant movie about a failed relationship.

 

It is one of my favorite movies. Definitely a five star. I think my favorite line was when clementine said,

"Joel, I'm not a concept. I want you to just keep that in your head. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a ****ed-up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours."

 

The story takes place on and around Valentine's Day. I was thinking of giving this movie to my ex as a Valentine's gift. I think it would remind her how special our connection was. Not to manipulate her, but to remind her.

 

Movies can be interpreted by differently by different people. I'm not sure she would understand what you're trying to say by giving her this movie. It really leaves a lot of ambiguity on your part. If you have something you haven't told her, maybe a letter or card would be better.

[einahpets]

great movie, but i don't know if it would make a great gift.

[bluetuesday]

awesome movie. bad idea.

[roxy_1980]

If you really feel the need to send it to her, pick a neutral day, not Valentine's day. It's way too 'I told you so' to send it on the same day as the movie is based. Plus, alot of woamn put alot of stock in what happens to them on Valentine's day. It'll ruin the day for her.

[Universe]

Just for clarity, my ex and I recently had a very long intense talk about everything. This was a week and a half ago (we were together 5 years and apart now 4.5 months). In this discussion I made my desire to get back together clear. She made her desire to break up with her new BF clear. And she's basically taking her time to decide whether or not she wants to move forward with me. We're on very good terms. She's just confused and has a lot to deal with in dumping this other guy and deciding whether or not to give me another chance. We're going to a concert tomorrow night.

I think a little too much emphasis is being put on the fact that it would be a gift. Giving my ex a DVD is nothing. We've always been very liberal with our DVD exchange. She still has some of mine and I still have some of hers. It's no big deal. So it's not so much of, "Look at this Gift I bought you!" and is really more like, "Here. This movie is great. You'll like it." I was actually not even going to buy her a new one, but give her my own copy.

Also - I'm not trying to change her mind or communicate anything with this. I just think it would remind her a lot of the beautiful connection we once had. I think she could be very close to deciding to come back to me and remembering that connection may just inch her over the edge.

What if I just gave it to her as a "whatever" gift and not as a V-Day gift?

[bluetuesday]

maybe it will remind her that at the end of the movie joel and clementine are just as likely to f*ck it up a second time around.

[Universe]

Yeah -

 

I guess I should scrap this idea. Why risk it? I think I almost have her back. Why pull a risky play at this point. Maybe I'll just recommend it to her. Or not.

 

Nevermind.

[ddindc]

Originally posted by Universe

Just for clarity, my ex and I recently had a very long intense talk about everything. This was a week and a half ago (we were together 5 years and apart now 4.5 months). In this discussion I made my desire to get back together clear. She made her desire to break up with her new BF clear. And she's basically taking her time to decide whether or not she wants to move forward with me. We're on very good terms. She's just confused and has a lot to deal with in dumping this other guy and deciding whether or not to give me another chance. We're going to a concert tomorrow night.

I think a little too much emphasis is being put on the fact that it would be a gift. Giving my ex a DVD is nothing. We've always been very liberal with our DVD exchange. She still has some of mine and I still have some of hers. It's no big deal. So it's not so much of, "Look at this Gift I bought you!" and is really more like, "Here. This movie is great. You'll like it." I was actually not even going to buy her a new one, but give her my own copy.

Also - I'm not trying to change her mind or communicate anything with this. I just think it would remind her a lot of the beautiful connection we once had. I think she could be very close to deciding to come back to me and remembering that connection may just inch her over the edge.

What if I just gave it to her as a "whatever" gift and not as a V-Day gift?

 

If you really want to rekindle a lost feeling and not seem manipulative, think of something she may have wanted in the past, but you never gave her, something she may have mentioned during the better part of your past relationship. Either that, or be creative - do something meaningful.