Gradak Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 First loves, first sexual experiences with each other, etc, 3.5 year LTR. Part 1 Basically, after the breakup (very much mutual), my gf & I decided to have a break. After two weeks I reinitiated contact and she was ecstatic to hear from me, I could see the excitement all over her face and in her voice. We chat for 45 mins or so, agrees to meet up for coffee. All going good, but over the next few days I sort of carried on as if we were back together... big mistake. She has 2nd thoughts, pulls away, tells me maybe we need more time etc. I find out she's been dating others (I'm fine with this), but then later find out she'd been cybering with a friend (now ex-friend), and this made me flip out a bit. Told her it was wrong etc, they both agreed (apparently), and she promises me 'there's no feelings, it got out of hand, we won't do it again'. I cut off all contact with the both of them. A few days later she sends me a text about a game we were looking forward to playing together - she's saying she wants to buy it and play it but 'has nobody to play with', I'm still angered at this point so I give her a cold response, not rising to her bait. 5 days after that, it's her birthday - I think about sending a text but I don't. I figure she's already probably went back on her word and started talking with my ex-friend again. I begin NC here, that was 3.5 weeks ago. Part 2 Fast forward to today. I have LOVED the past month, I have really worked on myself, been on a few days, (realise I don't want a relationship right now but I am enjoying getting to know new people). I see her log in to the game (I hadn't removed her from friends list, she hadn't been online for 2 for months so didn't even cross my mind). I decide I'm feeling good enough and secure enough in myself to send her a message, she replies quickly, end up talking for 5 minutes before she has to go and eat when her family call her. She had asked if I'd wanted to do something when she gets back in a half hour or so - I say yes of course. But then a group of friends ask me to join them instead, so I figure I'll go do that (not wanting to seem like I'm waiting around for her). She gets back from dinner and tells me she can't really play tonight after all since someone else is asking her to play (I found out she'd made a Reddit post asking for a gaming partner because "I don't like playing games alone, I am excited to try this game but my boyfriend & I have broken up so I've lost my gaming partner since pre-ordering" (this is bs, she only bought the game a few days back and we've been broken up for 2+ months). I tell her it's fine, I'd already made other plans etc She keeps initiating conversation, however, asking about things (dates, hookups etc), I keep my lips sealed and tell her I'm not sure I'm comfortable discussing that with her. She then starts talking about the good times we shared, how she'd really love to try and stay friends, wants to go out and 'make more memories with me'. Tells me she's glad I messaged her, she'd figured I hated her and had decided to cut her off - she comments on how I didn't send her a message on her birthday (I was surprised she noticed). Feeling like testing the waters, I say something along the lines of "Yeah, we never did get around to swimming together, and I have these 2for1 tickets for Water World". She basically bites my hand off at this, saying she'd LOVE to go. So, all good right? THEN, about 5 minutes later I get another message. "Don't be angry, but do you have (ex-friend scumbag)'s phone number? I haven't heard from him in TWO days". This admittedly pissed me off quite a bit, but I calmly tell her "I don't have it anymore, sorry!". I decide I no longer wish to continue this particular conversation after that, so I end up winding it down and ducking out Part 3 I really love this woman. Toward the end of the relationship I was in a bad spot emotionally (depressed), and it became very draining on her. I was confused with my education and career prospects, but have since re-enrolled back to finish my degree, been out on a handful of dates, worked on myself mentally and physically to the point that I am brimming with self-confidence and feel reborn. In short, I am really loving life, and myself, and I've really opened up even in the way I talk to strangers, I've got a real spring in my step now for the first time in months. She's a very loving person, a little fragile but very loyal (I thought!). I would like to take things slowly and see where things lead, I feel like I've learned a million things about life and relationships in the last month, and would love to share that with her. The problem is, I know she's still VERY 'chummy' with this 'friend' of mine (whom has since been ostracized from our entire social circle, he broke the bro code and now he's paying for it). I think maybe part of why she's spending time with him so much is because she feels guilty that 5 of us have cut him off completely as a result of his actions (we've all been friends for 5+ years, and she mentioned when I first confronted them about it that she felt bad that he had lost his place in our friend's circle as a result). Ah, I'm probably rambling at this point, I would love some outside perspective on the situation. I am wary about talking with family and friends about it until I have my own head sorted. And input would be appreciated!
EmptyinNV Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 First things first....people still cyber? Weird. This seems like a very immature relationship on both ends. I'd move along with my life, but that is your choice. 1
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