FaithInTheDark Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Here is a very personal story and a realization I've finally stopped suppressing. I'm in my mid twenties and only had one real bf that lasted less then 4 months. And every single man I've had feelings for will reject me and or put me in the friend zone. These men will usually be on and off hook ups but never put forth the effort to start a relationship with me. I realized it's something I have to be doing wrong. I came to terms that I may have things to work on as I am a over weight (not obese) and am a bit of a tom boy. When I do hang out with a guy I am interested in or sleeping with and develop feelings I tend to put myself out there too much, at times chasing the guy and getting attached. I am not a extreme clinger but I admit I hand over my heart way to quick, I'm just a passionate person and am looking for love and full of hope. I still really trying to learn the ropes of dating but feel terrible seeing girl friends with multiple guys lined up when I'm lonely and single. I can't figure out what I can do to prevent this rejection and know I can't deal with any more hurt. I am currently hooking up with a guy and he's shown signs of interest. I don't think he's the approacher type and I know he lacks experience with girls. I am usually the one reaching out to him but he always been happy to hang out. But I can't keep the same patterns I had before as it's never worked out for me. I want to know where this guy is at with me but don't want to seem desperate.I just don't want to waste my time hoping me feels the same. I've been told to just tell him I'd like him to make for a effort in setting up hang outs. Is this any advice for someone in my kind of situation... I need to break away from this cycle of having feelings for men but being shot down in the end. This is bringing down my confidence.
PreciousOne Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 I'm going to assume by hooking up you mean having sex with them, contrary to what a lot of ppl think and this is my opinion but I've heard a lot of men as say this, they don't really like overly forward women, they like to chase and Im not saying you're a easy slut or anything else because I don know u personally but just try to not be so aggressive in the relationship. sometimes men don't respect what v=comes easily to them ie being able to have sex with you without a commitment and allowing no strings attached hook ups. Save your self some time and heartache and wait and let someone get to know you for who you are show them that you love yourself and that you don't need them. Im not judging because Im the last one who can but I just wanted to offer my opinion Best of Luck.
sagetalk Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 And every single man I've had feelings for will reject me and or put me in the friend zone. These men will usually be on and off hook ups but never put forth the effort to start a relationship with me. This is bringing down my confidence. First off, you are not in the friend zone, you are in the bang zone. The friend zone is where women put men who are just so gee golly nice that they will never sleep with them. You are not there. The bang zone is where guys put girls who put out but they do not see them as relationship material. How do you get out of the bang zone? It's the same as the friend zone. Never go there to begin with. Try not having sex until there is a chance for a relationship to start. Is it harder, yes. Will it yield better results, yes. The men who want you as a quicky will drop you, great! The men who may see you as a long term relationship will not be turned off by getting sexual with you too easily. 1
Author FaithInTheDark Posted April 15, 2014 Author Posted April 15, 2014 Yeah, I get I need to break away from jumping into bed with guys right away.
thecrucible Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Yeah, I get I need to break away from jumping into bed with guys right away. Yeah I had the same issue... but once you get into a situation where you genuinely like a guy a lot and he keeps you around as a pretend gf for his sexual convenience, you start to appreciate the guys who want to take it slower..That taught me a lesson. Guys who go in for sex too soon aren't relationship material. I think that they've either put you into their 'bang' category or they're the possessive type who wants to use physical intimacy to lock you in. And once you hear how men talk to each other about women, word gets out that you're easy to get into bed. In a small town, like where I live, it basically kills your chances. I don't know what it's like where you live but I'd advise dating outside of your social circle where you won't have any kind of reputation. Once I started having male friends, my eyes were opened to the frankness of male conversation haha Incidentally you might not necessarily be on a guy's bang list because they think you're easy. It might be that you're not quite their type that they consider to be a perfect match...or it could just be that they're in a hookup phase and not wanting anything serious. I honestly would not take it personally. You don't know what's going on in a man's head and it's got more to do with him than it's got to do with you. I'm not going to out there and imply that I know any better but I know a few things from experience to improve your chances with men: 1. Have a clear set of boundaries about what you're willing to put up with and apply them across the board 2. Improve your appearance as much as possible 3. Don't act like one of the lads. So don't binge drink, act like a dude, walk around without feminine graces etc 4. Wear make-up and tight fitting clothing 5. Don't chase men. Or if you're chasing them, at least don't make it seem like you're chasing them 6. Act like they're just another guy but send mixed signals by flirting with them. 7. Don't get into half-way relationships. The guy won't upgrade a casual arrangement into a serious relationship because he doesn't have to, in order to have all his needs met. Trust me, it doesn't work. If you give a guy everything on a plate, he will just take it. Make him earn it. 8. If you want to know what some dude thinks, just straight up ask him 9. Make sure you know what the terms are of a relationship before it becomes physical. Know where you stand before becoming intimate if you are worried about getting easily attached 1
Shaun-Dro Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Here is a very personal story and a realization I've finally stopped suppressing. I'm in my mid twenties and only had one real bf that lasted less then 4 months. And every single man I've had feelings for will reject me and or put me in the friend zone. These men will usually be on and off hook ups but never put forth the effort to start a relationship with me. I realized it's something I have to be doing wrong. I came to terms that I may have things to work on as I am a over weight (not obese) and am a bit of a tom boy. When I do hang out with a guy I am interested in or sleeping with and develop feelings I tend to put myself out there too much, at times chasing the guy and getting attached. I am not a extreme clinger but I admit I hand over my heart way to quick, I'm just a passionate person and am looking for love and full of hope. I still really trying to learn the ropes of dating but feel terrible seeing girl friends with multiple guys lined up when I'm lonely and single. I can't figure out what I can do to prevent this rejection and know I can't deal with any more hurt. I am currently hooking up with a guy and he's shown signs of interest. I don't think he's the approacher type and I know he lacks experience with girls. I am usually the one reaching out to him but he always been happy to hang out. But I can't keep the same patterns I had before as it's never worked out for me. I want to know where this guy is at with me but don't want to seem desperate.I just don't want to waste my time hoping me feels the same. I've been told to just tell him I'd like him to make for a effort in setting up hang outs. Is this any advice for someone in my kind of situation... I need to break away from this cycle of having feelings for men but being shot down in the end. This is bringing down my confidence. I think you need to contact NYC-Bigkat. He's a Loveshack user. You two may have a lot in common.
Author FaithInTheDark Posted April 15, 2014 Author Posted April 15, 2014 Yeah I had the same issue... but once you get into a situation where you genuinely like a guy a lot and he keeps you around as a pretend gf for his sexual convenience, you start to appreciate the guys who want to take it slower..That taught me a lesson. Guys who go in for sex too soon aren't relationship material. I think that they've either put you into their 'bang' category or they're the possessive type who wants to use physical intimacy to lock you in. And once you hear how men talk to each other about women, word gets out that you're easy to get into bed. In a small town, like where I live, it basically kills your chances. I don't know what it's like where you live but I'd advise dating outside of your social circle where you won't have any kind of reputation. Once I started having male friends, my eyes were opened to the frankness of male conversation haha Incidentally you might not necessarily be on a guy's bang list because they think you're easy. It might be that you're not quite their type that they consider to be a perfect match...or it could just be that they're in a hookup phase and not wanting anything serious. I honestly would not take it personally. You don't know what's going on in a man's head and it's got more to do with him than it's got to do with you. I'm not going to out there and imply that I know any better but I know a few things from experience to improve your chances with men: 1. Have a clear set of boundaries about what you're willing to put up with and apply them across the board 2. Improve your appearance as much as possible 3. Don't act like one of the lads. So don't binge drink, act like a dude, walk around without feminine graces etc 4. Wear make-up and tight fitting clothing 5. Don't chase men. Or if you're chasing them, at least don't make it seem like you're chasing them 6. Act like they're just another guy but send mixed signals by flirting with them. 7. Don't get into half-way relationships. The guy won't upgrade a casual arrangement into a serious relationship because he doesn't have to, in order to have all his needs met. Trust me, it doesn't work. If you give a guy everything on a plate, he will just take it. Make him earn it. 8. If you want to know what some dude thinks, just straight up ask him 9. Make sure you know what the terms are of a relationship before it becomes physical. Know where you stand before becoming intimate if you are worried about getting easily attached Thanks for the useful advice I am way too guilty of #3 and #7
thecrucible Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Thanks for the useful advice I am way too guilty of #3 and #7 Oh me too! I'm still learning... I've been reading a blog called The Rules Revisited which is really good on dating tips
Author FaithInTheDark Posted April 15, 2014 Author Posted April 15, 2014 I've always been one of the guys and ppl say they find me a bit intimidating. I am going to dedicate the next while taking care of myself and my appearance as I've started to dress a lot more feminine. I am a rapper and is on stage with all men so in sure that doesn't help. Thanks a lot for taking the time ... I have confidence but the lack of love in my life makes me question myself a lot. One thing you bring up is if you're wondering what a man thinks just ask him... I might bring this up to this guy I've been hanging out with when the time is right. I'll check out the blog
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