Should I contact my ex after no contact

[Kudos119]

I need some advice on what I should do, I have given an explanation of what has happened since we broke up, so advice from both sides male and female would be most appreciated

 

My ex girlfriend broke up with me in mid January. She said we drifted apart, but also said she wants to be single and find herself, however I have been speaking to her mum who says we broke up because she needs to become a independent person and to stop relying on me. I am 22 and she is 19 and at Uni. I done a lot for her during our 2 year relationship, but all these reasons for the break up just confuse me and I can never get a clear answer. Anyways, I went no contact for a month. I never begged for her back, apart from when we initial broke up. I don't know If distancing myself has done me ay favours. I contacted her about a week ago to apologies for something's I said as I was annoyed - I felt betrayed as I had put some much into this relationship. She text me saying I know that breaking off this relationship was the right thing to do. I just agreed with her and said yeah it has made me realise what I want out of life. I than text her the other day because she had some clothes at mine and I asked what she wanted me to do with them, I suggested I give them to her friends, so she can collect it off them. but she said can you hold onto them for me until I get back in April from uni, after this she asked me, how are you, are you okay? I replied back saying I'm good thanks, you? her reply was to say I am really good thanks, which did annoy me a little, I don't know If she done it purposely or she just feels on top of the world. As I have said I have been speaking to her mum, who stated that I hope you two can be friends, I said I wish I could but I don't think she is going to be the same person I knew and she stated that she broke it of because it was unfair on me, it wasn't a healthy balanced relationship.

 

My predicament is that I don't know whether to text my ex just to say I miss her? To show that I care, As I said I never begged or said I love you after the first day of our break up, I don't know if this was the right thing to do or not, as I do want her back but I didn't want to seem pathetic. How should I proceed from here?

 

and girls, why would you want to come out of a relationship in which there was no problem, we hardly argued, we bickered but that was it, and before we broke up she was asking to stay over. So what drives you to just one day think to break off this relationship? also what is your opinion what is going on in her head?

 

Thank you for your time, I will be happy to clarify any questions you have

[lvroflife]

First, you are really mature for 22. My hat goes off to that. Secondly, you have done everything correctly with this break up. You handled the initial split very strongly and to her that shows a lot. Just box up her things and tell her friend to come get them regardless. You still handled this correctly as there is no right or wrong way (my opinion).

 

Now how you proceed from here dictates all possibilities that can happen. Stay NC as she needs to work on herself. You focus on you and make yourself a better MAN (sounds as if you already are a good dude). Keep living your life everyday better than the last day. Allow her to breath and miss what she had with you. Either 1 of 2 things will happen.

1). You will meet someone new who is ready for what you want and forget what you and your ex had.

2). She will come back and realize she wants you.

The best part is with the NC you become less emotional and clear in mind to make decisions right for you. Stay confident in how you treated her and how good the relationship WAS.

 

Stay focused on you now. If she reaches out, do not fall for the "breadcrumbs". Should she reach out again only respond if she says the magic words "I made a mistake and want to work it out".

 

Again this my opinion.

 

Good luck!!

Edited February 24, 2014 by lvroflife

[Kudos119]

My ex girlfriend broke up with me back in January because she said she wants to be single she's 19 and at university. I went no contact for 3 weeks and i also never begged for her back anyways after no contact i text her just apologising on my part. She apologized back and we started texting eachother. Although i would always initiate contact, she would always reply. During this time i sent her some flowers when she was ill which she liked very much. Anyways i got annoyed that she never would initiate contact. So i decided to go no contact again. Than around a month later she contact me regarding some clothing i had asking if i can drop it off when she is back from uni. (she asked me to keep hold of it until she gets back) so i dropped the clothes of the other day we just said hi and bye. Than the other night we saw eachother out. She came over and said hi and than walked off. I think all night she was trying to make sure she was in my line of sight and trying to make me jealous. I don't quite understand why though seeing as she broke it off

 

What i am wondering is should i text her, i am a but hesitant to be the one who initiates contact because we broke up before for the same reason but i begged for her back, and it gave her all the power.

 

So should i text my ex? And if yes how should i do it? I feel like i have nothing to lose in doing so

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

My ex girlfriend broke up with me back in January because she said she wants to be single she's 19 and at university. I went no contact for 3 weeks and i also never begged for her back anyways after no contact i text her just apologising on my part. She apologized back and we started texting eachother. Although i would always initiate contact, she would always reply. During this time i sent her some flowers when she was ill which she liked very much. Anyways i got annoyed that she never would initiate contact. So i decided to go no contact again. Than around a month later she contact me regarding some clothing i had asking if i can drop it off when she is back from uni. (she asked me to keep hold of it until she gets back) so i dropped the clothes of the other day we just said hi and bye. Than the other night we saw eachother out. She came over and said hi and than walked off. I think all night she was trying to make sure she was in my line of sight and trying to make me jealous. I don't quite understand why though seeing as she broke it off

 

What i am wondering is should i text her, i am a but hesitant to be the one who initiates contact because we broke up before for the same reason but i begged for her back, and it gave her all the power.

 

So should i text my ex? And if yes how should i do it? I feel like i have nothing to lose in doing so

 

Do not talk to her...you have a lot to lose. There are a lot of threads about this very same question so good news there are lots of stories to back that up.

[pickflicker]

What would be the ideal outcome if you contacted her?

 

If you want a relationship with her, continuing to kindle lukewarm contact isn't good for you. The idea that "any contact is better than no contact" isn't true. If you want something more but she's not willing to step up, then you must bid her farewell and move on.

 

If you want to be her friend, you don't go NC to try and motivate her to contact you, or play any of those other games. You contact her when you feel like it, because that's what friends do.

 

So, you need to decide what the ideal result of contacting her is. Do you want her to want you? Then let her come to you. Do you want to be friends? Then there is no "you initiate, then I do push/pull" etc. You just be their friend.

[Kudos119]

Well I want her back, but I know how stubborn she is. So It makes me wonder weather she will contact me. She sent the last text which was last week, it was about the most random topic. I didn't reply to this.

 

 

The reason why I said I have nothing to lose is because if she is not interested in a relationship than I no worse of than the situation I am in now. But I realise what you mean by I do have something to lose which I do agree with y9ou.

 

 

I think she also likes her Exs to pine over her, who doesn't. because her previous ex has been trying to get her back for the past 2 years (He didn't have everything to do with the break up, and I know that she is still single and not interested in him) So for me to just ignore her like she was nothing I think is really affecting her.

[Simon Phoenix]

Well I want her back, but I know how stubborn she is. So It makes me wonder weather she will contact me. She sent the last text which was last week, it was about the most random topic. I didn't reply to this.

 

 

The reason why I said I have nothing to lose is because if she is not interested in a relationship than I no worse of than the situation I am in now. But I realise what you mean by I do have something to lose which I do agree with y9ou.

 

 

I think she also likes her Exs to pine over her, who doesn't. because her previous ex has been trying to get her back for the past 2 years (He didn't have everything to do with the break up, and I know that she is still single and not interested in him) So for me to just ignore her like she was nothing I think is really affecting her.

 

So your brilliant idea is to be like her other ex and be a constant ego boost? And you think that's going to manipulate her into coming back to you? If you really think so, you have a long and painful road to travel.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Well I want her back, but I know how stubborn she is. So It makes me wonder weather she will contact me. She sent the last text which was last week, it was about the most random topic. I didn't reply to this.

 

 

The reason why I said I have nothing to lose is because if she is not interested in a relationship than I no worse of than the situation I am in now. But I realise what you mean by I do have something to lose which I do agree with y9ou.

 

 

I think she also likes her Exs to pine over her, who doesn't. because her previous ex has been trying to get her back for the past 2 years (He didn't have everything to do with the break up, and I know that she is still single and not interested in him) So for me to just ignore her like she was nothing I think is really affecting her.

 

Just an awful idea. Not a good move. One star out of five

[pickflicker]

Well I want her back, but I know how stubborn she is. So It makes me wonder weather she will contact me. She sent the last text which was last week, it was about the most random topic. I didn't reply to this.

 

 

The reason why I said I have nothing to lose is because if she is not interested in a relationship than I no worse of than the situation I am in now. But I realise what you mean by I do have something to lose which I do agree with y9ou.

 

 

I think she also likes her Exs to pine over her, who doesn't. because her previous ex has been trying to get her back for the past 2 years (He didn't have everything to do with the break up, and I know that she is still single and not interested in him) So for me to just ignore her like she was nothing I think is really affecting her.

 

Sweetheart, I am as stubborn as the day is long. Seriously, I drive my mother up the wall with it.

 

But I can tell you, that even the most stubborn of us, don't need prompting to get in touch with someone we love. So if she's not doing it, it's not because her stubborn nature is overriding any feelings for you. She's just not interested.

 

You're interested in playing games. Don't. If you've made it clear that you want to be with her and she's not coming to the party, then you walk away. They'll follow if they're interested. If not, then you're no worse off being single than you are being trapped in a loveless relationship.

[Michael 93]

Hey man,

 

Regardless of what the rest of us say it is only you who is going to make the decision on whether you will text or not..

 

Hell I used to come on here, and get howled at for wanting to initiate contact..Did that make me not contact her?? No... I did it anyway and its because that's what I felt was right at the time.. Did I get hurt? Yes.

 

The fact that you are initiating contact with the Women who LEFT you automatically gives her a sense of power and control, this is something I think is absolutely critical in deciding the fate of the relationship..

 

I have made lots of mistakes since splitting up with my ex, initiating contact MANY times was one of them... But if I didn't do that I wouldn't be where I am today... Thats what it took for me to realise, Damn this girl just does not want me anymore..

 

My point is you do what you have to do in order to establish where you are both at.. It may hurt it may not. But just remember you will know when the time is right to let go. and when you do, it is an amazing feeling...

 

All the best

[David87]

Michael said that you'll realise when it's time to let her go.... Why not spare some time and let her go now because she already did that, she dumped you.

 

And you said that you have nothing to loose, of coure you have . Never loose your dignity and self respect, those 2 things are priceless.

[d0nnivain]

She's 19 & wants to be single at university. Those are her words to you.

 

 

That's code for I've outgrown you & there are tons of cute guys here so I want to explore my options.

 

 

It's not code for I love you & want you back.

 

 

She's probably not a bad person. She probably doesn't want to hate you & she probably feels bad that your feelings are hurt. All of that makes her a nice person but none of it makes her want to reconcile.

 

 

Sorry.

[Chi townD]

LOL! Wow! Your first post was a complete oxymoron.

 

 

I went no contact on her. But, I text her all the time, but I have to start it first.....I sent her flowers. She text me about clothes, I dropped them off at her place...said Hi and Bye!

 

 

Dude, NO WAY you were in "No contact"!

 

 

But, I will give you this, you were able to go no contact for a month, the SHE contacted you about clothes. You know what she did there? She was pulling on the leash to see if the dog was still there! You proved to her that the dog still comes running when called.

 

 

No contact is exactly that. NO CONTACT!! IF she texts you, ignore it. IF she phones you, let it go to voicemail. If she emails you ignore it.

 

 

Remember, she made the choice to have you out of her life. Give her what she's asking for.

 

 

AND BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK!!!!

[Kudos119]

LOL! Wow! Your first post was a complete oxymoron.

 

 

I went no contact on her. But, I text her all the time, but I have to start it first.....I sent her flowers. She text me about clothes, I dropped them off at her place...said Hi and Bye!

 

 

Dude, NO WAY you were in "No contact"!

 

 

But, I will give you this, you were able to go no contact for a month, the SHE contacted you about clothes. You know what she did there? She was pulling on the leash to see if the dog was still there! You proved to her that the dog still comes running when called.

 

 

No contact is exactly that. NO CONTACT!! IF she texts you, ignore it. IF she phones you, let it go to voicemail. If she emails you ignore it.

 

 

Remember, she made the choice to have you out of her life. Give her what she's asking for.

 

 

AND BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK!!!!

 

 

Haha sorry I sent her the flowers before I stopped texting her because I got annoyed of doing all the work. When she did text me about the clothes, which was at 6 am in the morning I ignored it but she than sent me the same text again that evening but this time with a how are you at the end? I couldn't exactly ignore her seeing as I did have her clothes and I not a spiteful person, and the only reason I dropped her clothes off was because I was going by her house to see a friend, I would rather be prepared to see her than for her to randomly turn up at mine. She also sent a random text the other day but I just ignored that because it just made no sense what so ever

 

 

I appreciate all the advice people I will not contact her and just continue moving on, if she contacts me that's good but I am not waiting around for her.

[Kudos119]

i was with my ex for 2 years, she called it off back in january because she wants to single as she hasn't been since she was 16, shes now 19 and at university. I'm 22 and finished uni.

 

Anyway the reason i ask this question is because about year and half ago we split up for the same reason, but after a week we got back together she stated a few underlying reasons and that i had to fight for her. (They were really valid reasons). Since the break up i didn't contact her for a month, than i text her the odd ocassion in which she always replied. But about a month a ago i stopped texting her and than got a few random texts from her about when she is back ect and are we okay becuae she doesn't want any problems if we are both out. I've been acting quite distant, only really answering her questions. I got a text the other day on sisters wedding asking how it was ect (she was meant to come with me). Than i find her she has a picture of her and this boy at her uni cuddling on facebook. Now im pretty sure these two aren't dating. But im pretty sure they slept together, and if they were dating she would have told me or one of her friends who would have told me plus she sent me that text about being able to dance with other people without any problems, so i don't know if she is trying make me jealous because the pictures aren't flattering and i know she would have normally untagged the pictures.

 

and getting her back itsn't a case of showing her im independent because she knows that already, as ive got my own place and run my own business. I understand that i wasn't the most cheerful for the past couple of months before we broke up because work was stressful at that point but i always made time for her so i don't think she can use that as an excuse.

 

so as i stated before i don't know whether to wait for her to cone back to me as she did this before or should i try to strike up a new relationship with her? What's your honest opinions?

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

i was with my ex for 2 years, she called it off back in january because she wants to single as she hasn't been since she was 16, shes now 19 and at university. I'm 22 and finished uni.

 

Anyway the reason i ask this question is because about year and half ago we split up for the same reason, but after a week we got back together she stated a few underlying reasons and that i had to fight for her. (They were really valid reasons). Since the break up i didn't contact her for a month, than i text her the odd ocassion in which she always replied. But about a month a ago i stopped texting her and than got a few random texts from her about when she is back ect and are we okay becuae she doesn't want any problems if we are both out. I've been acting quite distant, only really answering her questions. I got a text the other day on sisters wedding asking how it was ect (she was meant to come with me). Than i find her she has a picture of her and this boy at her uni cuddling on facebook. Now im pretty sure these two aren't dating. But im pretty sure they slept together, and if they were dating she would have told me or one of her friends who would have told me plus she sent me that text about being able to dance with other people without any problems, so i don't know if she is trying make me jealous because the pictures aren't flattering and i know she would have normally untagged the pictures.

 

and getting her back itsn't a case of showing her im independent because she knows that already, as ive got my own place and run my own business. I understand that i wasn't the most cheerful for the past couple of months before we broke up because work was stressful at that point but i always made time for her so i don't think she can use that as an excuse.

 

so as i stated before i don't know whether to wait for her to cone back to me as she did this before or should i try to strike up a new relationship with her? What's your honest opinions?

 

 

Breaks up because they"Want to be single"= I have someone else in mind or I'm letting you down gently.

 

Dont wait for ANYONE. Clearly, she isnt waiting around for you. It sucks, but she has already moved on. You need to do the same.

 

DELETE HER FROM SOCIAL MEDIA! Honestly, do not contact her. Stay away.

[KaliLove]

Never wait for anyone. Ever. While you are waiting, she's out there sleeping with other dudes and having fun.

[Kudos119]

the thing is im not waiting around for her, ive been off doing my own things, going out with friends ect. But by the way she keeps trying to strike up a conversation with me over text and the others things.and i could delete her but her friends would tell me what she is doing because they like me.

 

and i know you guys are all quick to dismiss her because she may have slept with someone but you've got to remember she is only 19 and she hasn't experienced the world like me and all of her friends. I don't me to defend her actions but i can understand where she is coming from with the break up. And im pretty sure she isn't seeing this guy because either she would have said something or her friends would have. But than again that might be her way of telling me because she too scared to tell me directly.

 

but as i said in not waiting around, i still have some feelings for her but im moving on. Plus she seems more concerned about making me jealous the other night in a club, but i could be wrong about that. I know that ignoring her will hurt because her previous ex is still not over her and shows her with attention but he's to stupid to realize she's using him.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

the thing is im not waiting around for her, ive been off doing my own things, going out with friends ect. But by the way she keeps trying to strike up a conversation with me over text and the others things.and i could delete her but her friends would tell me what she is doing because they like me.

 

and i know you guys are all quick to dismiss her because she may have slept with someone but you've got to remember she is only 19 and she hasn't experienced the world like me and all of her friends. I don't me to defend her actions but i can understand where she is coming from with the break up. And im pretty sure she isn't seeing this guy because either she would have said something or her friends would have. But than again that might be her way of telling me because she too scared to tell me directly.

 

but as i said in not waiting around, i still have some feelings for her but im moving on. Plus she seems more concerned about making me jealous the other night in a club, but i could be wrong about that. I know that ignoring her will hurt because her previous ex is still not over her and shows her with attention but he's to stupid to realize she's using him.

 

Take her off that huge pedestal she is on is step one. She doesnt want to be with you. She feels that her life would be much better with someone else in it. You were demoted.

 

Tell your friends to not say anything. Thats a crappy excuse

 

 

You are very CLEARLY defending her actions lol. You are reading WAYYYY too much into things. There is a VERY strong chance that she is dating this guy. Again, you were demoted. She left you to get with new guy. That isnt "experiencing the world"...that's called being dumped for someone else. It sucks, but a certain age isn't an excuse. Its a common trend for young men and women, but not an excuse. Aren't you 22?!?! You're only three years ahead of her lol. You havent experienced the world" either haha

 

Ignoring her is not for her ITS FOR YOU!Its to move on. I'm glad you said you are moving on, then you followed it up with the "ignoring her will hurt her" statement, which is the wrong placement. Just dont talk to her and move on for YOURSELF. not to p*** her off.

Edited April 21, 2014 by ConfusedHumanBeing