Rasella Posted February 2, 2005 Posted February 2, 2005 I attend a small school where I met a last year student there. Breaking my rule of not dating guys from school, since he was graduating in a week or so when I met him, we decided to go out. We had a blast! He was intelligent, funny, gentlemanly (opened doors for me, etc.), respectful, and we seemed to click on so many levels. He never jumped onto the topic of sex, but rather asked me about myself, my family, my political views, essentially everything about me. Didn't try to kiss me until the 3rd time we hung out. During Christmas break when I went back home, he'd call me to wish me a Merry Xmas and Happy New Years! Anyhow, as of the last month, he had to buckle down to study for the BAR, a law school licensing exam which is the most excruciating ordeal of any law graduate's career. The exam itself is 3 days long. Back to the topic, so we havent hung out as often because he's extremely busy! A best friend is also going through the ordeal and vouched for how time consuming preparation for this test is. I assumed the whole time that we werent' seeing each other as much because he was legitimately busy. However, the universe has an interesting way of playing a cruel joke on me. Or is it just its way of telling me to let this one go. One day, a friend called to tell me about her new experience in online dating. She wanted me to check out a profile of a guy she was interested in. I signed up and saw the profile for the guy she was interested in, ok, no biggie! I've always had the perception of online daters as people who were antisocial and couldn't meet people in real life. But now that a friend was trying it, I wanted to let go of that false perception. Out of curiosity as to the type of people who posted their profiles online, I began browsing to see profiles. I found out two things, one good one bad. The good? That people who posted profiles online seemed normal, attractive, and I decided that I needed to abandon my perception. The bad? After page 1 of profiles, I found one that was, oh too familiar! The boy I was "dating"/"talking" to had a profile that was active within 24 hours! His preferences for his matches were "ANY" for every category! I was shocked! Not that I expected him to be committed to me at this point, after all, dating isn't exclusive until it's explicitly agreed upon, I just assumed he was dating people but WITH the intention of dropping all others when he found one he was interested in and wanted to pursue something more with that one woman. He misrepresented himself to me by telling me that he was really interested in me, but didn't have the time for now, but would resume things full force when his BAR was over! Yet, the online profile seemed to indicate that he was actively looking and seeking other women. Again, my fears are not he's dating other people, but that he may be one of those serial daters with no intentions of ever committing to any one girl. My thinking is, continue to get to know me with the intentions of one day becoming more serious with me if you think we are compatible, or drop me and move on! Also, to be honest, something about the online aspect of it disturbs me. If I had met him online, then fine, but I know him as real person I met in real life. The online aspect seems to make the situation more problematic in some ways, as though hes addictive to the validation from women as opposed to really looking for someone. I don't know. I don't want to confront him about the situation, he still calls every 2 days to tell me how busy he is but wanted to say hi, etc. etc. Any advice and perspective? Am I overreacting? Thanks!
morrigan Posted February 2, 2005 Posted February 2, 2005 I don't see the dating profile as incriminating, because unless you both have said you only want to see eachother, you each have the right to date others. It sounds like you felt he was busy with studies--and he may be--but that he was solely interested in you. If it truly bothers you that he may be dating other people, I would be honest with him about wanting to see only him and if he is in agreement. If you don't see eye to eye, I'd stop dating him.
bluechocolate Posted February 2, 2005 Posted February 2, 2005 Yes. Not that I expected him to be committed to me at this point, after all, dating isn't exclusive until it's explicitly agreed upon, Did you two agree on this? I just assumed he was dating people but WITH the intention of dropping all others when he found one he was interested in and wanted to pursue something more with that one woman. Assumptions........... Again, my fears are not he's dating other people, but that he may be one of those serial daters with no intentions of ever committing to any one girl. He may be many things that you don't know or have yet to discover. Keep thinking about it, I'm sure you can come up with stuff more frightening that him being a "serial dater". Just tell him you came across his profile on the website & see where the conversation goes from there. If you like this guy it's a good idea to be upfront & honest right from the start.
Recommended Posts