notsure2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Hi, I'm using this forum as a way to get my feelings out and for hopefully someone to tell me what I'm doing wrong or talk some sense into me because I don't know anything any more. I will try and keep it short and sweet, but you know how it goes. I'm going to start by saying I love her a lot, I think of her each second (I know that's obsessive, but that's how I'm feeling right now). Well today has be an god-awful day, lots of bad news. I found out my sister has had a second miscarriage - which hurts like hell. So I decided to email my ex because: a) she is the only person outside the immediate family who knew about my sis being pregnant b) my ex has always been there for me during good and bad times, i would tell her everything. I got no response, I was absolutely gutted and shocked - this was not the girl I fell in love with. One of the reasons I love her so much was her caring nature. Now I just feel completely broken. Didn't expect her to be so heartless or expect this from her. I would have put my life on her messaging me. Let me start from the beginning with a bit of background. I'm 29 and she's 27. I've been in a number of relationships, and this is her first. Our parents do not know we have been dating, it would have complicated things given we are family friends, our backgrounds, etc. We wanted to get to know each other before we told anyone. We had known each other for some time, but never had crossed our minds we would hook up. I would see her at religious gatherings and one day she turned up on my placement year. Was very surprised, and even during that year we never got together. After we both completed uni and came to work in the City, we met up and one thing led to another. We used to see each other once to twice a week after work and it was 9 times out of 10 lovely. Went out for dinner and catch up. Never awkward or complicated. Our 3 years, we have had a few bumps along the way, but we worked through them. We would often hit bumps regarding marriage, beliefs, difference of opinions, etc. Sometimes, I look back and think how naive she is. The reason being she expects to be in a relationship where there will be no differences or arguments or compromise. She hates the word. I'm in no way perfect and have plenty of flaws, but I was willing to compromise over a lot of things (including how we got married and who named the children - these were very important to her). My flaws include being rash, opinionated, inconsiderate, etc. I know all this, but I love her so much. I would take a gift to her every time we used to meet - it could have even been from something as little as a cupcake. I always felt like I was the one that would put 110% effort and she would put not so much. I was the one that used to do all the talking, and I would get annoyed and tell her this, which would lead to another argument. We argued over this a lot - I wanted love and attention, like any other guy does. It was the 16th of March my girlfriend decided "she could not do this any more. It does not feel right". I was on holiday at the time she messaged me on whatsapp. It was only 8 days before on the 8th of March she told me she loved me. The lead up to this was that we had a spat a few weeks earlier, and I got annoyed saying I do not want this any more, etc. We argued because she wasn't being very respectful towards my parents and I was trying to explain to her why. But she just didn't want to know. She doesn't get when you get married, you also have responsibilities to the in-laws. I told her this as well - I said I worry if she will treat my parents as her own. Me and my big mouth! But how can I keep quiet about such things?! She did something similar in June last year (2013). I fought tooth and nail to show her the way back. As soon as I mentioned I was going to give up, she came running back. Things got too much for me in December too, she wasn't giving me the love and attention I needed, so I said to her that I do not want this any longer. She begged me to stay. This time the break up feels different. I have begged and pleaded with her that we can work through it. She wouldn't take my calls, and would respond to my texts with "pls leave me alone, its over. She wants to move on". I last saw her on the 2nd April, when I turned up at her work - wanted to try and convince her. But she said she wasn't interested, her feelings were no longer there. We both deleted each other's numbers, though I had hers written on another phone. So I left it for a few days, but couldn't bear it and text her - to which I got a response: "pls leave me alone" again. I then sent her roses to her and a letter (12 pages) to her work on the 7th April - which she hasn't responded to. I know they reached her, because I saw through my mate's whatsapp she had a picture of the roses. I really do not get why anyone would do that. Can anyone please enlighten me? She's blocked me on whatsapp, yet she does this. Is this really a sign of someone that doesn't care? She does not realise I can see her, so she certainly hasn't done it to draw my attention. As I mentioned above, I have txt her once a few days ago, and emailed her today. But she hasn't given me any response. She's constantly on whatsapp, a part of me wonders if there is someone else - but she's not that type of girl. But my instincts are saying something else. I'm also getting pressure from everyone to get married given its my age. And to be honest, I want to start a family. I am ready, I just wish I could win her over. But a part of me says it should not be this difficult and I should not need to convince someone to love me. I'm planning to see her on 30th April, which will 4 weeks since I last saw her. I want to ask her: a) does she want to marry me? b) ask her why she wasn't there for me when I needed her the most? c) ask her if she has someone else? d) tell her about what is happening in my life and how my family and friends are now introducing me to girls. ----- Since I typed the above, I messaged her basically saying I can't believe she is the person that I fell for. And she text back saying whats happened? From that I gathered she hadn't read her email. This is my rash side. I thought she was ignoring me at such a difficult time. Well I rang her and she was kind about my sisters circumstances and said she didnt want to discuss anything to do with us. I tried to ask a question or two, but she said she had let go of us, of me and I should move on now. I'm such an idiot. I've lost the best thing that's happened to me. I love her, but fear I have lost her. She even mentioned she may get engaged this summer after I made a wise crack about it. And she said its a possibility. That hurt like hell. She said it so calmly as if there was nothing between us. I asked her was a few months enough to get over someone you love. She said yes. At that point, I told her I loved her and she said she had to go. And we said goodbye. Can someone please tell me what to do? She is my world, and I love her to bits despite everything. It's breaking me. What should I do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
TaraMaiden Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 What to do? get it through your head, and face it: It's over. Read the No Contact Guide in my signature. Never, ever make someone 'your world'. She is NOT your world; it sounds pretty well damn as if she's about to be someone else's. I'm sorry to be harsh, but she has made it abundantly clear, and you are refusing to accept her decision, but there's no going back, and you need to move on. Read the Guide, and keep posting here. It's the only way you'll get over this.
KaliLove Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 She's told you numerous times that she doesn't want to be with you. Her actions back that up. You need to let her go. Honestly, it does sound like there is someone else. Why are you seeing her on April 30th? Is it a family function you can't get out of? It's a very bad idea. As for asking her to marry you in the same breath you accuse her of being with someone else and not being there for you and making a pathetic attempt to make her jealous by telling her that you're meeting other women..well first of all that's not a very romantic proposal, and second of all, it's laughably ridiculous to think she would say yes after all that other garbage. You cannot convince someone to love you, it has to come naturally.
Jiivy Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 It's done my friend - finished. I swore up and down that my fianceé was the most caring, loving woman I knew. For 7 years I always fought for her and for our relationship, I was completely trusting and in love..her behaviour shifted in a very similar fashion to your ex's. There was someone else. Join us, move on and take up the NC flag with me. 1
lolablue17 Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 You are full of contradictions my friend. You say you want to "ask her to marry you", and the next question: "Why she wasn't there for you"? These are totally 2 different attitudes. You dont ask a girl to marry you while you're scolding her about something from the past. This tells me a lot about your mental situation. You act like you have the control here while you have no control of anything. accept that. also You are devastated, lost and confused. I wouldn't do anything right now because everything you do will be irresponsible. you are like a drunk driver now. Dont drive! She doesn't want you. probably there's someone else. don't be a stalker. Leave her alone as like she asked you. Release control.
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