Whattheheckhappened Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 (edited) I was with my ex for four years. He is 33 and I am 28. We lived together for two years and he has always had commitment issues. Every time our relationship would progress, he'd get scared but we always worked things out and took things day by day. In the last couple of months, I brought up engagements etc and he agreed that we could get engaged this year. I moved away for work for 8 months starting last September. He came to visit me and I also went to visit him in December. We had an extremely rough winter break (death in my family) and serious illness in his family. It's safe to say, we weren't able to focus on our relationship. Anyway, he broke up with me about a month ago and I managed to find out that he had started seeing this girl I was always suspicious of because she would flirt with him and say things to make him more interested in her. He told me that he never emotionally or physically cheated on me but I know they hung out a lot. He said he started forming feelings for her in the Fall. She also broke up with her boyfriend to be with my ex and they started dating a few days after our break up. Interestingly, they work together and she's 21. I am devastated and confused. Is this a rebound or the real thing? Is there still hope for reconciliation down the road? Is this the GIGA? He said she possibly understands him as much as I do. Seriously? Edited April 14, 2014 by Whattheheckhappened
mammasita Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 He's always had commitment issues and potentially cheated on you with this 21 year old. Why do you want him? You realize that he will not change....he has commitment issues. I'll say it again, he has commitment issues. You spent all this time with this man who took baby steps to keep you around. Can you not see what he did? He agreed you would get enagaged this year, but conveniently broke up just before that could happen. Oh, was he scared again? He will not change for you. Ever. Move on from this guy - he's not worth your time. You spent four years waiting and trying to work through his "commitment issues". Find someone who wants to commit to you, who you don't have to change (because that will never happen) and isn't afraid to make it happen.
Babolat Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Focus on you, not him. It does not matter what IT is he is doing. NO CONTACT.
ain5053 Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 (edited) Similar story to mine, also considered engagement until I moved away for temporary work out of state. 2 months later he breaks up with me and the same day I see pictures of him with another girl on Facebook... later to find out he is hanging out with her. When I confronted him he denied it. She is very beautiful... Which makes me feel very jealous and betrayed. This just happened last night, so a very fresh wound. I wish I could give you advice but I am in no state to do that right now... I wish you the best! P.S: Although considering the age gap, I would say he is acting simply out of lust. He might have a connection with her, but it won't last. You moved away and he got lonely, then this young girl shows up and shows interest in him. Men sometimes think with their d*** and not rationally. On the contrary, women tend to overthink everything and consider the consequences of all actions. She might be what he wants now but essentially he should realize his mistake. Do the NC and move forward, I suppose that is my advice for us both. We deserve unconditional love. Edited April 14, 2014 by ain5053 2
Jiivy Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Welcome to the fold - both Ain5053 & myself have been recently left for someone else! My personal opinion? I just don't know...but if you ask me how many healthy, lasting relationships started with, "Well I left my long term boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance/husband/wife to be with them..." I can't say many. That said, they almost certainly DON'T see it that way. We all rationalise what we do in a way that works for us. We build our own perception of universe. You see some guy who dumped you for the first hot thing that shaked her tail at him, he sees it as his partner couldn't make it stick when times were hard and left him - and a beautiful young woman came along to show him what close relationships are about.... This is something he may or may not come to see in time. Our only hope is NC. Not for him, but for YOU - you never know what he'll decide in the future, you really don't...but you DO know that you can't continue living and dying on the whim of a man who holds your heart in his hand. p.s. We're not all bad, but I do have to apologise for the most of us. We're idiots.
HeartinPain Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 (edited) WOW. This is my story! The very exact situation happened to me with the engagement, coworker, coworker breaking up with her bf to be with my ex, age range, etc. You are lucky it was only 4 years and not 15 years. I thought it was the end of the world. I am at 8 months post-BU and happy now. I so badly wanted him back the first 4 months, but now the sight of him disgusts me. It really does get better with time. Focus on yourself and rebuilding your confidence. It does not matter if it is a rebound or not. Trust is broken. Even if his new relationship does not work out, why would you lower yourself and take back someone who would do this to you? He probably did cheat on you before he left you.. if not physically, I can assure you it there was probably emotional cheating. You are better off without him. This whole situation speaks volumes of his character. For your own sanity, please go NC and heal yourself. You are better off knowing who he is now and not investing anymore of your time and energy into someone who was so easily swayed away. Edited April 15, 2014 by HeartinPain 1
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