Author Sweeetie Posted April 15, 2014 Author Posted April 15, 2014 (edited) When they first got together, he wasn't exactly sharing the good news with his friends. I try to give people an overall summary of how I feel their relationship looks (to me, my opinion isn't always valid ffor everyone). He also told her that she only looked beautiful when she wears make up. The OP also feels jealous about the way her bf's best friend states adoringly at HIS pretty gf where as the OPS bf acts totally indifferent to her. I don't like the sound of her relationship overall. Hey Leigh Thank you for being such an active contributor to my posts, for always looking out for me and linking all the different problems together. But fortunately these other problems have now been discussed between me and him and an understanding has been reached; it turned out not to be as bad as I thought. He does find me attractive, it's just that he has different ways of expressing it from his best friend who's really touchy feely towards his own gf. And at the beginning of the relationship he has his weird thing where he finds it exciting to enjoy something in secret before telling people about it. Edited April 15, 2014 by Sweeetie
Leigh 87 Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Hey Leigh Thank you for being such an active contributor to my posts, for always looking out for me and linking all the different problems together. But fortunately these other problems have now been discussed between me and him and an understanding has been reached; it turned out not to be as bad as I thought. He does find me attractive, it's just that he has different ways of expressing it from his best friend who's really touchy feely towards his own gf. And at the beginning of the relationship he has his weird thing where he finds it exciting to enjoy something in secret before telling people about it. I am glad you didn't take it personally. Some posters block me or tell me to piss off when I tell them my honest opinion on things. I know I sure told people where to go when they told me that my ex wasn't in love with me, he wasn't the right guy for me etc..... I still don't think he is the right guy for you, because I know that when I am with a man who is genuinely adoring of me and smitten with me, he just makes me feel it. Even if he isn't a touchy feely guy, I just "know". I NEVER second guess a guys attraction to me and his interest level in me, even if he is a quieter, less PDA inclined type..... There is a chance I am totally wrong though, maybe you just make things out to be worse than they are.
Gaeta Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Could it be cultural? Where is he from exactly? One of my brothers dated a Russian woman once and she never showed affection in public, would talk him down in front of people, she was also the kind of people to not listen when he spoke and she'd speak over him. To her a boyfriend was something to use.
Author Sweeetie Posted April 15, 2014 Author Posted April 15, 2014 Could it be cultural? Where is he from exactly? One of my brothers dated a Russian woman once and she never showed affection in public, would talk him down in front of people, she was also the kind of people to not listen when he spoke and she'd speak over him. To her a boyfriend was something to use. It could be that where he's from, men are looked at as more powerful than women (and therefore can speak over them?), but I'm not sure because I don't know that much about Eastern European culture. I don't mean to cause any offence to East Europeans! Just wondering if it can be a cultural thing after all.
Gaeta Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 It could be that where he's from, men are looked at as more powerful than women (and therefore can speak over them?), but I'm not sure because I don't know that much about Eastern European culture. I don't mean to cause any offence to East Europeans! Just wondering if it can be a cultural thing after all. East Europe is big, what is his country? Was he born there? at what age he got here?
Emilia Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 It could be that where he's from, men are looked at as more powerful than women (and therefore can speak over them?), but I'm not sure because I don't know that much about Eastern European culture. I don't mean to cause any offence to East Europeans! Just wondering if it can be a cultural thing after all. It is more patriarchal society but his generation (early to mid 20s) aren't really like that anymore - though it's hard to generalise. I'm older but I know a fair few young ones. Eastern European girls can be a handful, we aren't quiet and submissive.
RonaldS Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 He is your boyfriend, not one of your girlfriends. Your females friends will have those type of conversations with you, because women thrive on communication and connection. But he is not a girl. So I think first you should just accept that you are two different species, and he is never going to morph into Oprah. Anyway you cannot change a person with criticism. You can't really change other people, you can really only inspire them. So most people feel inspired with positive reinforcement. So what you could do is say, "I really appreciate when you listen to me, thanks baby" And continue saying things along those lines. He will feel like, "Oh, she likes when I listen, it makes her happy" and he might keep up communication better. By the same token, he isn't hanging out with his bros either. When a man and woman are together, they both need to be aware of some sort of built-in communication dynamics. Yes, women typically like convoluted, directionless non-sequitur blah blah blah, and men like it to be quick and to the point (and yes I know it can be the other way around too).Both parties need to understand this and accommodate that.
Author Sweeetie Posted April 15, 2014 Author Posted April 15, 2014 East Europe is big, what is his country? Was he born there? at what age he got here? He grew up in Slovakia, and came to the UK when he was 18 to go to university, he now works here in London.
cactusgal Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 Hi there, Sorry to hear you are going through this. I firmly believe that communication is the most important aspect of romance, closely followed by physical attraction/chemistry. Your boyfriend isn't interested in you ENOUGH to want to listen to what you are saying. Believe me, I've gone out with guys like that. Regardless of how well they treated me otherwise, they were not into me enough to really communicate with me. My boyfriend now - I can't compare. He always wants to know about my day, my work, my family, what my friends are up to, etc. Just everyday stuff. And he remembers what I tell him And I am the same way with him. I love listening to what he has to say. Often after being out for the night, we'll sit up on the couch and talk for another couple of hours (followed or interrupted by sex and always followed by him making me breakfast the next morning). Please, please don't sell yourself short. There IS a guy out there who will enjoy talking to you AND listening to you, AND will treat you like a queen. Don't let that guy pass you by because you're trying so hard to make your current boyfriend interested in talking to you. Believe me, when you get older, talking and listening is all you'll have. It should happen naturally because both people are interested. 1
Author Sweeetie Posted April 20, 2014 Author Posted April 20, 2014 Hi there, Sorry to hear you are going through this. I firmly believe that communication is the most important aspect of romance, closely followed by physical attraction/chemistry. Your boyfriend isn't interested in you ENOUGH to want to listen to what you are saying. Believe me, I've gone out with guys like that. Regardless of how well they treated me otherwise, they were not into me enough to really communicate with me. My boyfriend now - I can't compare. He always wants to know about my day, my work, my family, what my friends are up to, etc. Just everyday stuff. And he remembers what I tell him And I am the same way with him. I love listening to what he has to say. Often after being out for the night, we'll sit up on the couch and talk for another couple of hours (followed or interrupted by sex and always followed by him making me breakfast the next morning). Please, please don't sell yourself short. There IS a guy out there who will enjoy talking to you AND listening to you, AND will treat you like a queen. Don't let that guy pass you by because you're trying so hard to make your current boyfriend interested in talking to you. Believe me, when you get older, talking and listening is all you'll have. It should happen naturally because both people are interested. Sorry cactusgal I just saw your post; I haven't been on here for a few days. Thanks for that, it is very helpful. I just don't have the motivation to break up with someone who loves me so much.
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