m.a91 Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 My ex boyfriend who left me 10 months ago has been joining dating websites and i have seen his profiles. we have remained friends after the breakup and occasionally meet and sometimes spend the night together, he even told me he misses me in an intimate way after he hooked up with a girl after we broke up and told me it didn't feel right for him, and now he tells me he stills cares about me and talks to me every few days, and still asks me to stay at his place once in a while. we were friends for years before we got together for 3 years, so after the breakup we were able to become friends again (not an easy transition) but both found it hard to not have the other in our lives. When i saw his profiles on the dating websites it really hurt my feelings that he would still use me when it is convenient for him and always tells me nice lovely things when he wants something from me, while at the same time he is trying to meet other girls and have fun with them. I know we are not together and he can do what he wants, but am i wrong to feel so hurt and bitter? he was the one that left me after a 3 year relationship, and the breakup was very messy and we didnt talk for a while until he contacted me wanting to be friends. Now after seeing his profiles on these dating websites, im getting the feeling he just keeps me around for fun or when he is bored, and wanting to do things with other girls at the same time. what should i do? I won't lie i am still not over him 100%, i still am scared to be with another guy because I know i'll miss my ex, and i still have feelings for him so it was so hard for me to see his profiles on the dating websites. please help, feeling very angry, confused and hurt.
Joaquin Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Please help! He isn't your boyfriend. What else is there to say. Stay out of his bed and move yourself on. Don't lose the last of your self respect by being at his beck and call every time his willy gets twitchy. 4
PegNosePete Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 When i saw his profiles on the dating websites it really hurt my feelings that he would still use me when it is convenient for him and always tells me nice lovely things when he wants something from me, while at the same time he is trying to meet other girls and have fun with them. I know we are not together and he can do what he wants, but am i wrong to feel so hurt and bitter? Feelings can never be "right" or "wrong", they are what they are. You feel those things for a reason. You feel that he owes you some loyalty and exclusivity because you used to be together and because you're still sleeping together. He clearly does not feel the same. As you said, you're not together and he can do what he wants. You can't control his behaviour, only your own. If you're being hurt by his actions then you need to stop doing what you're doing and either ask him to be exclusive with you, or to stop sleeping with him. In fact stop seeing him altogether if you can't handle being just friends. Being friends with someone often involves seeing them date others and even meet and go out with their partner. If you think you've got it bad, just imagine what it's like for the other girls he is dating. To them: he's still banging his ex. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Feelings can never be "right" or "wrong", they are what they are. You feel those things for a reason. You feel that he owes you some loyalty and exclusivity because you used to be together and because you're still sleeping together. He clearly does not feel the same. As you said, you're not together and he can do what he wants. You can't control his behaviour, only your own. If you're being hurt by his actions then you need to stop doing what you're doing and either ask him to be exclusive with you, or to stop sleeping with him. In fact stop seeing him altogether if you can't handle being just friends. Being friends with someone often involves seeing them date others and even meet and go out with their partner. If you think you've got it bad, just imagine what it's like for the other girls he is dating. To them: he's still banging his ex. This is important to listen to, OP. It's ok for you to feel hurt. Your feelings are your feelings. However, this is a tough does of reality that's hard to swallow. I think it'd be best to stop hanging out with him and definitely stop sleeping with him. It's time for you to cut ties and move on. 2
Emilia Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 This thread should be in the Coping section OP because he isn't cheating on you. You aren't together. You are allowing him to use you. You need to move on. 4
soccerrprp Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 My ex boyfriend who left me 10 months ago has been joining dating websites and i have seen his profiles. we have remained friends after the breakup and occasionally meet and sometimes spend the night together, he even told me he misses me in an intimate way after he hooked up with a girl after we broke up and told me it didn't feel right for him, and now he tells me he stills cares about me and talks to me every few days, and still asks me to stay at his place once in a while. we were friends for years before we got together for 3 years, so after the breakup we were able to become friends again (not an easy transition) but both found it hard to not have the other in our lives. When i saw his profiles on the dating websites it really hurt my feelings that he would still use me when it is convenient for him and always tells me nice lovely things when he wants something from me, while at the same time he is trying to meet other girls and have fun with them. I know we are not together and he can do what he wants, but am i wrong to feel so hurt and bitter? he was the one that left me after a 3 year relationship, and the breakup was very messy and we didnt talk for a while until he contacted me wanting to be friends. Now after seeing his profiles on these dating websites, im getting the feeling he just keeps me around for fun or when he is bored, and wanting to do things with other girls at the same time. what should i do? I won't lie i am still not over him 100%, i still am scared to be with another guy because I know i'll miss my ex, and i still have feelings for him so it was so hard for me to see his profiles on the dating websites. please help, feeling very angry, confused and hurt. Terrible. He is using you and you are letting him. He's having fun and you're miserable. You're his play-thing, that simple. Get away from him and stop being his friend. He's not even friend material. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 You have the ability to stop this. While I think full NC would be best for you, I doubt you are strong enough to do that. At the very least, reduce the amount of time you spend with him. Since you are on these dating websites to see his profile, why not get yourself a date with someone else instead? You need to move on. 1
Author m.a91 Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 We tried a few times to cut off all ties from each other and not talk, but he always ends up contacting me again, out of pity, and I know the right thing to do is to distance myself now, but finding it so hard after 3 years. He hasn't let me move on, I think he has tried to keep a hold on me while himself doing what is best for him. But now I think it is starting to dawn on me that I need to do the same, something I have never done ever since he has been in my life.
soccerrprp Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 We tried a few times to cut off all ties from each other and not talk, but he always ends up contacting me again, out of pity, and I know the right thing to do is to distance myself now, but finding it so hard after 3 years. He hasn't let me move on, I think he has tried to keep a hold on me while himself doing what is best for him. But now I think it is starting to dawn on me that I need to do the same, something I have never done ever since he has been in my life. YES, this is what is happening. HE is not want YOU to move on. So, you need to cut him OFF. Do not respond to him. 1
Cunning_Linguist Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Break all contact and stop dwelling on the past. It's poison to your future. 1
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