last_atlant Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Hi all, Been seeing this girl for the 3rd time. I directly asked her out the first time and she flaked but made up subsequently. For the next two encounters I asked her out for casually (eg. ask her to collect an item for me near her house and then meeting up with her to collect it). We have been texting frequently. Would like to ask you all some questions: (1) Is it expected that the guy would have to pay for meals and stuff? I believe the answer is yes but would this send the wrong messages across that you are trying to bribe her into liking you? (2) I do not how she feels about us being together. I have not brought it up because I do not know when would be a good time to ask. However, my concern is that a direct ask would make her feel uncomfortable about it and back away. I have been in a similar position before but the other way round. The girl was interested in me and I was slightly interested in her but because she seemed too eager, I eventually backed away for fear of leading her on. How would you suppose I approach this? Many thanks.
Lalasita Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Don't ask her directly about this concern. Ask her out instead and see how it goes, you should figure it out if she's interested or not.
d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 The debate about who pays will rage on through the end of time. If you are comfortable paying, keep doing so. Assuming she has a functioning mouth, brain & conscious, at some point she will offer or reciprocate. If she doesn't that tells you something. As for moving forward, it's a bit early for declarations. Are you two physical on these dates? Do you hold hands? Have you kissed? Try those before you attempt to put words around what you are doing. If she doesn't allow G rated affection, assume she's not interested in you romantically. 1
Author last_atlant Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 The debate about who pays will rage on through the end of time. If you are comfortable paying, keep doing so. Assuming she has a functioning mouth, brain & conscious, at some point she will offer or reciprocate. If she doesn't that tells you something. As for moving forward, it's a bit early for declarations. Are you two physical on these dates? Do you hold hands? Have you kissed? Try those before you attempt to put words around what you are doing. If she doesn't allow G rated affection, assume she's not interested in you romantically. Thanks for the reply. Nope there is no physical contact on these dates. I do try to initiate some like patting her on the head but she doesn't reciprocate. I maybe totally wrong about this but shouldn't the things you mention (eg. kissing and hand holding) come after couples enter a relationship???
soccerrprp Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 YOU MUST BE REALLY YOUNG OR ABSOLUTELY INEXPERIENCED. 1. Buying and paying for meals, etc. is not bribing. 2. How many actual dates have you been on? Not even one, right? She flaked on the first one and she "made up?" As in, she went on a date with you? 3. In dating, it is common to kiss on the first date. And, of course, holding hands. 4. You need to ask her out again on a DATE and let her know you like her. It sounds like you are friend-zoning yourself with your getting together to retrieve things and patting her on the head???????
Author last_atlant Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 If you like her, ask her out on a real date, make all the arrangements, pick her up, open the car door for her, pay for everything, and then, if the evening is going well, gradually touch her arm as you are talking, then go for more, maybe an arm around her or hold hands, and then at the end of the date....a kiss. Sound like a plan? Yes, this sounds like a plan. Would try this out. Hope she agrees to go out. YOU MUST BE REALLY YOUNG OR ABSOLUTELY INEXPERIENCED. 1. Buying and paying for meals, etc. is not bribing. 2. How many actual dates have you been on? Not even one, right? She flaked on the first one and she "made up?" As in, she went on a date with you? 3. In dating, it is common to kiss on the first date. And, of course, holding hands. 4. You need to ask her out again on a DATE and let her know you like her. It sounds like you are friend-zoning yourself with your getting together to retrieve things and patting her on the head??????? Yes, I am inexperienced. Which is why I seek advice from others. Many thanks for the brutally honest opinion. Really needed it.
d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Hand holding can come before a relationship & so can kissing if both parties are willing. Heck, some people even have sex outside a committed relationship but I am not advocating that for you. Stop trying to pat her on the head. She's not a pet dog. Try holding her hand. Just that for now.
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