BradJacobs Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Whose pretending mate? I like sex too much to want to knowingly put myself at risk. Glad that isn't a hard stop for you. It is for a lot of other people.
Eggplant Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 I don't have any disease, but if I met a guy and fell in love and he had herpes, I wouldn't freak out over some stupid manageable cold sores. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think this "horrible" virus, as somebody here put it, is not a big deal. I've also heard that 1/5 of adults have it. The only problem with it seems to be the stigma, the thing in and of itself is almost harmless. Because of the stigma, I might be a little more cautious, and make sure we were absolutely serious, i.e., thinking marriage. 2
gaius Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Whose pretending mate? I like sex too much to want to knowingly put myself at risk. Glad that isn't a hard stop for you. It is for a lot of other people. It's always the least studly guys who are the first to pipe up about how they wouldn't date single mothers, wouldn't date women with herpes, wouldn't date this woman for one reason or another. And in almost every case you can tell they've never actually even been in that situation before. One of my old friends caught herpes from his girlfriend who decided to blow a guy she met in a bar right before they started dating. He even had it in his arsehole. It's definitely not a small deal, can be incredibly uncomfortable during breakouts. Which there's no way as of yet to completly stop. So saying it's no big deal is a little dishonest. But as I said before, there are guys who are willing to put up with the controlled risk for the right woman. Plus you could just find another guy with herpes and hump like rabbits all you want unprotected.
isisisweeping Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 I just recently found out that I have herpes and I was wondering about dating experiences that people have had and what are ways to potentially cope with this virus. Thanks in advance for your responses. I only have type I (cold sores - only had a couple in my whole life - when I was a child and once when I got the flue really bad.) but I know once you have it you have it) but it has led me to research. They don't test for herpes in the standard STD screening. 1/4 or 1/5 people have type 2 herpes (like 95% have type 1) though most have no symptoms or too mild to notice and most don't know they have it. The CDC doesn't recommend it tested unless specifically requested because the diagnosis is considered worse than the disease. Most people don't know that. They think - yeah my STD screening was clean but unless they've got the IGG type specific herpes test, they don't know- and most people haven't. I had to argue with my doctor to get it because I was curious. My friend went after I told her about that and she has type 1 and type 2 herpes. She has NEVER had an outbreak - cold sore or anything. Never. It's not a serious disease, no long term impacts have shown consistently in research except a higher risk of contracting HIV if you are exposed... I mean, most people never know they have it. So my first thing I would do is make sure people were actually informed. I think it's one of the most misunderstood. I've heard plenty of ignorant people. (hey, there's even people out there who don't realize if you've ever had a cold sore or fever blister - and a good chance even if you haven't- you have herpes... or that type 1 or type 2 can cause oral or genital infections.) Someone probably has a lower chance of catching it from you on antivirals and avoiding sex on outbreaks than they do from the average person who hasn't been tested and doesn't realize they haven't. If someone takes the time to be informed, they will know that. Good luck and don't freak out. 1
isisisweeping Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 I don't have any disease, but if I met a guy and fell in love and he had herpes, I wouldn't freak out over some stupid manageable cold sores. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think this "horrible" virus, as somebody here put it, is not a big deal. I've also heard that 1/5 of adults have it. The only problem with it seems to be the stigma, the thing in and of itself is almost harmless. Because of the stigma, I might be a little more cautious, and make sure we were absolutely serious, i.e., thinking marriage. estimates are 1/4 women and 1/5 men for type 2. Many many more for type 1. Its definitely a case where the diagnosis worse than the disease... The stigma exceeds the problem.
isisisweeping Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 I used to have it as well but not any more. I'm sure this was a commercial scam type post but because someone might believe this Whether you have outbreaks or not, ONCE you have the virus you have it for life. It may never reactivate - you may never have symptoms or your symptoms might be so mild you never notice... (The two times I've had cold sores on my lips no one even could tell but me) but you always have it. 1
BradJacobs Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 It's always the least studly guys who are the first to pipe up about how they wouldn't date single mothers, wouldn't date women with herpes, wouldn't date this woman for one reason or another. And in almost every case you can tell they've never actually even been in that situation before. You and I have different definitions of studly. As to the rest, you couldn't be more wrong if you tried but thanks for painting with broad strokes.
Gaeta Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 OP honey, I have had hsv type 2 for 3 years and it's far from being the end of the world. When I got the news from my doctor I thought my love life was over and I'd spend the rest of my life alone. Turns out I have dated more since I got that diagnosis. In the past 3 years I have dated 100+ men, I have always told them and out of them I got only 2 big reactions that the man decided to not see me again. I have had many boyfriends since, they all know about my condition, and they think I am worth that 0.05% risk of getting. I take my valtrex 500 mg each morning. My doctor told me the chances of me giving it goes from slim to none. None of the partner's I have had dated got it. I did try for a while those herpes dating website and I hated it, might be something you want to try. Personally I could not stand the defeatist attitude of people on there, as if hsv was the end of the world, I quit this place and only dated on regular dating website. When I got my diagnosis I told my best friend and to be supportive she went and got a full std screening done, guess what? She came back positive for type 1 and type 2, she had never experienced an eruptions in her life. She had many boyfriends after that and is now in a long term relationship. If you have any questions or if you need support do not hesitate to send me a private message. 1
Gaeta Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 isisisweeping: 2 thumbs up for being well informed. When I got it none of my friends understood what the virus was about now they know as much as me. One of my closest friend was a nurse and even her did not know anything about it except it's an std. People that are the most scared about it are the one ignorant on the subject. I remember telling a man and his reaction was: That's it? you take your antiviral? I answered yes how do you know all that stuff? He replied his mother is a doctor he just knows stuff in general. It's always interesting to see the reaction: One boyfriend I dated for close to one year, when I told him on our 2nd date he asked me if I was telling him this to get rid of him. I have endless stories OP, don't worry everything will be alright
Author PreciousOne Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 Thanks again for all of the support. I guess Im overreacting the first thing I did after the results was a google image search. Someone asked me about the type of test I had done, I had the IgG blood test, I wanted it to be wrong so bad I paid for a second test and it was the same result positive for both. The weird thing is that I have never even had a cold sore on my lips.... anyhow Im slowly coming to terms with it Plus there are a few perks though like weeding out the bad guys and finally ending things with my current partner. I do however need to talk with my doctor about antiviral medication and see about that although I wonder if its expensive. To the guy who said he wouldn't risk him I cant say I blame him but hey you never know hopefully its not a deal breaker for most men. Its just the fear of the unknown that has me nervous.
BlueIris Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 ... They don't test for herpes in the standard STD screening. 1/4 or 1/5 people have type 2 herpes (like 95% have type 1) though most have no symptoms or too mild to notice and most don't know they have it. ... And this is the bit that makes my brow furrow: Since HSV testing is not standard and included in what most people get when they get an STD test, AND you can have either 1 or 2 without knowing it, I'm willing to bet that there are lots of people who have one or both and don't know it. Lots. More than the 1/4-1/5. I insist on full testing- 10 panel- before becoming sexually intimate with someone and some people just refuse. They don't know if they have HSV 1 or 2. Never been tested and not going to be. Some even get offended or insist that they're "clean" (silly use of the word), but don't even know if they've ever had an HSV test! Another type is at least honest that they don't want to know. OP, herpes isn't the end of the world at all and like you and others said, it helps to reveal who has character. 1
KathyM Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 It's not cureable, but if it's any consolation, a lot of people have it. The figures are 20% of people have genital herpes. The usual recommendation is to refrain from sex during an outbreak, and to always use condoms at all times; however, the virus can be transmitted even with the use of a condom, and even at times when the virus is dormant, although the risk of transmission will be lower if you use those precautions, so I hope you are committed to informing any potential sexual partners that you have the virus. For some, it will be a dealbreaker, but as I said, 20% of the population has the virus also. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
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