PreciousOne Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 I just recently found out that I have herpes and I was wondering about dating experiences that people have had and what are ways to potentially cope with this virus. Thanks in advance for your responses. Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Oh am sorry to hear that you must feel terrible. I don't have an experience in that matter so I can't really answer the question but wanted to reach out anyway. All I do know its that is treatable and that you should and must share this info with your next serious s/o for legal moral and loving reasons. Am sure this is not the end of dating for you although right now it may feel like that. Do about this what you can and must for you health do not share this info just with anyone ( casual dating ) and go on living your life best you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PreciousOne Posted April 14, 2014 Author Share Posted April 14, 2014 Thanks for your kind words ive told loved ones because they thought I was on the verge ofa breakdown and they were right right now I am jus trying to cope with it ive always had low self esteem but now its like burried 20 stories below low if that makes any sense how would you react if you were told by someone you were dating that they had the virus Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Me that depends when where how under what circumstances how long I know them was it "their" mistake or someone else's. I have some background in health occupation so naturally am always ready to reach other to help to heal so it would be less of freak out then for some people. If they hid it from me and lied about it but kept on being with me I would squash them as roach no doubt about it none at all. Otherwise I would do what I always do research plenty of it and go from there. Its as real and honest scenario on how I would approach to that matter 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 I have no experience to share with you either but I think other than HIV it is the most scary STD because unlike Gonorrhea or Chlamydia it is untreatable. I would suggest reaching out via your doctor or public health unit for advice. There must be a dating site somewhere for people with that virus or at least a singles meetup group in your area. On the upside one of my ex-girlfriends mothers had herpes. I dont know much about the disease itself but she did end up finding a great guy during the time I was with that girl and she seemed pretty happy. I dont know if he also had it or not but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 I have no experience to share with you either but I think other than HIV it is the most scary STD because unlike Gonorrhea or Chlamydia it is untreatable. I would suggest reaching out via your doctor or public health unit for advice. There must be a dating site somewhere for people with that virus or at least a singles meetup group in your area. On the upside one of my ex-girlfriends mothers had herpes. I dont know much about the disease itself but she did end up finding a great guy during the time I was with that girl and she seemed pretty happy. I dont know if he also had it or not but there is light at the end of the tunnel. DON'T SCARE the member especially if you got no knowledge to back up your claims. Ignore the post herpes is INDEED treatable unfortunately its not curable. STD Facts - Genital Herpes Start from there ... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Sorry by untreatable I meant uncurable. I know it can be managed. Not trying to scare someone who's probably already scared as hell. Be strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 You will be ok, although I imagine the initial shock must be horrible. A family member of mine contracted herpes from her then fiancée... he was a medical doctor who cheated on her. She later found a very nice man and they've been living together for about 10 years. She takes medication and they use protection. He does not have herpes. She has always been sexually conservative (my family member). When she was dating, she would divulge the information after getting to know the guy a little while and obviously before having sex. You will end up becoming very well informed about herpes... and probably educate a lot of misinformed people along the way. Chin up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 I think ktya meant incurable. Anyways sorry op. Be strong. But also be honest about your condition so you don't spread this around. And being honest, as someone who's disease free, any incurable std is a dealbreaker for me. Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Yap you found out you know the worst of shock is gonna pass. Thank God its not worse learn from this and do not make same mistakes. ITS OK most of the people here will be kind and understanding I promise. Go on start that reading and make it absolute must knowledge beats fear and ignorance always ... Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 My cousin contracted herpes after being date raped as a teen. There are definitely things you can do to manage symptoms and keep the outbreak from passing on to your partner. If it makes you feel any better, this same cousin did go on to get married and have 2 healthy, thriving kiddos. Her and her husband just passed 16 years in November. Both college educated and gainfully employed. So, do not put yourself into a little box where you believe your whole life is over because it certainly does not have to be. Make sure you learn about all of your options! There is so much unknown about the virus. 16 years of marriage and 3 years of dating and my cousin's hub has not contracted. So, there ARE options for partners. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PreciousOne Posted April 14, 2014 Author Share Posted April 14, 2014 Ive been doing a lot of research the partner ive been with says he tested negative and I hope that thats true. The scariest part was telling him about it and the way he handled the situation but I guess its for the best at the end of the day, ive been reading and the fact that there is no absolute way of knowing when u can pass has me not wanting to even try u can pass it even if u use protection I dont wanna have to have sexwith someone covered in saran wrap or whatever I may jus go without for the rest of my life because I dont want to infect anyone the thought terrifies me. Thanks for the responses I really appreciate it and the honesty I dont know how I would react if I was dating someone and they told me they had herpes forming a opinion know would be impossible because im on the other side of the fence. I know its basically only a skin disease but it seems like sex would be too complicated now Link to post Share on other sites
Author PreciousOne Posted April 14, 2014 Author Share Posted April 14, 2014 Ive never had any type of noticeable outbreaks so Idk I couls pass it I will look into taking medication if I do have any intimate relationships but hell im even afraid to touch my self I have about a thousand bottles of sanitizer that I constantly put on my hands from fear of spreading it to other regions I still have alot more research to do though because im terrified of even kissing my nieces let alone anyone else Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Calm Down don't over react breathe. Take it one hour at time if one day at time is to much read get informed but don't try to cram it all in your head. Calm Down !!!!!!!!!! Talk to your MD to your priest if you are religious find some forums where people come with same issue. Come on deep breaths giving yourself heart attack over this will help no one Link to post Share on other sites
Author PreciousOne Posted April 14, 2014 Author Share Posted April 14, 2014 I get what yr saying but easier said than done I will say im doing alot better than when I first found out and each dayngets easier butstill some moments are more difficult than others Link to post Share on other sites
UnlitCandle Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 I get what yr saying but easier said than done I will say im doing alot better than when I first found out and each dayngets easier butstill some moments are more difficult than others We've come a long way in medicine. Herpes is now completely manageable with proper medication. The important thing is to remain calm and don't rush into anything. Plan things accordingly and everything will be OK! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 I know hon I KNOW but keep trying OK ? Its not HIV thank Good consider this as sort of second chance. Link to post Share on other sites
theediblewoman Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 (edited) I feel for you because there is a lot of stigma attached to herpes when really you could have something MUCH worse and this may scare away potential mates. Not to minimize what you're going through. My boyfriend actually has herpes which at first scared the crap outta me,but I was crazy about him from the start. When he told me,I was really conflicted because I really wanted to be with him but I was scared. He was really open to all my questions and we went to see my family doctor together to see how we could keep me from getting it and keep him healthy. I have a really amazing doctor who made us both feel so much better about it. In the grand scheme of things Herpes is just an unpleasant and annoying skin condition but because it is transmitted through sexual activity it is deemed as "dirty" or "shameful" as opposed to cold sores for example which are basically the same things but doesn't cause the people who have it to feel shamed for having it. Unfortunate really. Herpes will make dating more difficult, but If you're honest and take your time to get to know the people you are involved with you will find people who, like me, are willing to inform themselves and proceed to have a relationship. While I would rather my boyfriend not have herpes and it can be frustrating to deal with, in a way its been a positive because he and I learned early on how to talk about difficult topics. I also wanted to add that my doctor didn't really think herpes was that huge of a deal and told us that 1 in 5 people carry the herpes virus, maybe even more as so many have no symptoms. You are not alone. Be honest, inform yourself and inform others, you'll be alright. Edited April 14, 2014 by theediblewoman 2 Link to post Share on other sites
faithfully Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Hey, Thought would add my input. I once dated a guy who had herpes (well at the time he had a breakout). He found it extreemly hard to tell me as he wasnt coming near me sexually and couldnt understand why until he told me but i still stuck by him even though i loved him deeply. I asked him questions and he felt comfortable telling you beside i researched it too. When you have an outbreak its probably best you never have sex. I also did my own research. I got myself checked out and am STD free. Its not that bad if your open with them, some might take it bad some might not. Link to post Share on other sites
OhThatGirl Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 It's not a big deal. I'll tell you why. When I was 19 my first sexual partner had the beginning of a cold sore when he performed oral sex on me. I had no idea this could cause a genital herpes infection but it did. Luckily I it was HSV-1 strain of virus and has less affinity when the infection is of the genital area nerves. I had a handful of outbreaks the first couple years. Each time it got much better. I could tell when they were coming, started on some meds, within a few days I had no issues. But then as time went on... Nothing. No outbreaks. Nada. I haven't had any issues since I was 22 or so. Do I consider myself "cured"? No. Do I worry about it at all in my life? No. What I do is have potential partners get HSV 1 and HSV 2 blood test. Most adults (89% or so) already have HSV1 (commonly causes cold sores) exposure and therefore cannot contract anything from me. Once you have a history of that particular virus, you can't get it again. I work in healthcare and know that I did have a pretty easy time of it. Some people (those with genital HSV2 most often) may have outbreaks for years and years. My patients are immunosuppressed so this isn't the usual for most people. In fact, most people end up having no issues at all after a while. But.. You say you haven't had any outbreaks. How do you know you have "herpes" then? Blood test? Was it HSV1 or HSV2? There are a lot of variables here but essentially I can tell you: no worries. It is a difficult conversation to have but when you have more experience and truly understand the virus you will feel much much better about yourself. Ps. If you have "herpes" but have had no outbreaks, and your partner tested negative, are you sure you didn't just test positive for past exposure? Blood testing is complicated and may mean different things based on clinical picture and history... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Precious One, I hope this helps ;- Genital herpes - NHS Choices this is a common, manageable condition, so don't become distressed about it. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 The best news OP, you will be screening out a lot of a-holes who might appear ok on the surface... but are jerks deep down. You can see that from this thread... My relative had to look longer than some... but at the end of the day, her partner is more true blue than these other guys who would dump a girl for having a hangnail or gaining 10 lbs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 The vast majority of the world's population have herpes of one type or the other it's just most don't know it if they are lucky enough not to get outbreaks. It's basically a skin disease, far less nasty than a lot of stuff out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BradJacobs Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 The best news OP, you will be screening out a lot of a-holes who might appear ok on the surface... but are jerks deep down. You can see that from this thread... My relative had to look longer than some... but at the end of the day, her partner is more true blue than these other guys who would dump a girl for having a hangnail or gaining 10 lbs. Sure because not wanting to contract an incurable disease makes someone a jerk? Smh Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Sure because not wanting to contract an incurable disease makes someone a jerk? Smh Pretending out loud you wouldn't sleep with a woman who has it in front of someone who has it in order to look studly does. When I was younger I dated a girl for a while who admitted she had it eventually. I liked her so much I didn't care. Never got her in bed but I would have gone for it if i had the chance. There are guys out there who will be accepting. Link to post Share on other sites
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