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Give me hope - did you find someone better, with a better connection?

kgreatie

By kgreatie
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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kgreatie Member

kgreatie

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Today I've been incredibly depressed, I've been thinking of my ex all day. Lately I've been on casual dates with some guys. None of them I have a connection with. I just don't have anything near to what I had with my ex. It's almost unbearable, I'm sick of being miserable. I'm scared I won't find someone I can connect to like I did with him. I don't know what to do. Someone please tell me a story where you got dumped by what you thought was your soulmate and found someone better. I feel like a huge baby... but I just need some comfort right now

FortunateSon Established Member

FortunateSon

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How long has it been since your BU? It can take time to find that connection, especially if your BU is recent. Often times these connections are made when least expected.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Of course. My husband is a much better fit for me then the guys I dated before him even ones I would have considered marrying had they asked.

Mla Member

Mla

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Yes me! I thought my first relationship would never compare then the second I found a better quality and the third iv jus broke from I felt was genuinely my true love! Each new relationship offered new things but in my break up now I tue this around and hate idea that he has moved on and may feel he has do a better than me now :,(

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kgreatie Member

kgreatie

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How long has it been since your BU? It can take time to find that connection, especially if your BU is recent. Often times these connections are made when least expected.

 

It's been about 2 months. Probably way too early.. no, definitely too early. I know that. I have severe untreated (for the meantime) anxiety that makes me feel like I have lost the one guy that ever truly loved me and I will never find someone like him ever again

sooshi Established Member

sooshi

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kgreatie, if he truly loved you, he would still be with you.

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iDrumKing Established Member

iDrumKing

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It's been about 2 months. Probably way too early.. no, definitely too early. I know that. I have severe untreated (for the meantime) anxiety that makes me feel like I have lost the one guy that ever truly loved me and I will never find someone like him ever again

 

I can relate to your anxiety issues OP.

 

The feelings of "never finding love again" is just a byproduct. Fear and anxiety go hand in hand. Trust me I had panic attacks off the wahoo, so I was prescribed medication to help me deal with my lack of "serotonin." It helped to a degree, but I knew that it was a mask...

 

Here's a quote by Will Smith that I hope gets you through today.

 

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me danger is very real but fear is a choice.”

sooshi Established Member

sooshi

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A line from a song about fear: "Can't fear fear, fear's the mind killer."

 

I have social anxiety, kgreatie. And with that comes the thought/belief that I won't be able to connect with someone else like I connected with my ex-fiance again, because I don't date or seek out friendships. As a deep introvert, I spend most of my time alone. Deep, meaningful friendships are rare for me, and I've only had them with my ex-fiance and my best friend (who my ex pursued). Now that they're both not a part of my life, I don't have anyone to reach out to or to talk with on a meaningful level.

 

So, I work on myself. I work on healing. Doing things that make me happy. I still hurt, and I still feel the loss of friendship/companionship, etc. But it's a process, and in time we'll be all healed up.

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ConfusedHumanBeing Established Member

ConfusedHumanBeing

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Today I've been incredibly depressed, I've been thinking of my ex all day. Lately I've been on casual dates with some guys. None of them I have a connection with. I just don't have anything near to what I had with my ex. It's almost unbearable, I'm sick of being miserable. I'm scared I won't find someone I can connect to like I did with him. I don't know what to do. Someone please tell me a story where you got dumped by what you thought was your soulmate and found someone better. I feel like a huge baby... but I just need some comfort right now

 

Good news....you always do. There is always someone out there that will make you realize why it didn't work with your ex.

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hoping2heal Established Member

hoping2heal

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In a word..or two..

 

Hell yes! :o:bunny:

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hoping2heal Established Member

hoping2heal

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Today I've been incredibly depressed, I've been thinking of my ex all day. Lately I've been on casual dates with some guys. None of them I have a connection with. I just don't have anything near to what I had with my ex. It's almost unbearable, I'm sick of being miserable. I'm scared I won't find someone I can connect to like I did with him. I don't know what to do. Someone please tell me a story where you got dumped by what you thought was your soulmate and found someone better. I feel like a huge baby... but I just need some comfort right now

 

Just an FYI ...nothing will make you feel worse and more hopeless, than trying to go out and forge a connection while you're still in love with someone else.

 

You won't be capable of being objective whatsoever. You will only be thinking about how that person is not your ex and so you will not even be open for new feelings or possibilities. I know it's a common thing, but it really only makes the hurt worse.

 

Heal from the loss, and then put yourself back out there.

  • Like 7
wicked_18 New Member

wicked_18

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I know how you feel coz I am in the same situation.my bf and I broke up 3 months ago and I still havent moved on.I still wake up in the morning with my heart squeezing and all that but like the people here said one day you will know the reason why you guys didnt work out.coz there's always someone better than him that will come along.Im clinging to that hope even though I still love my ex bery much coz he's everything I ever wanted in a guy.and we were supposed to get married too

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kgreatie Member

kgreatie

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Just an FYI ...nothing will make you feel worse and more hopeless, than trying to go out and forge a connection while you're still in love with someone else.

 

You won't be capable of being objective whatsoever. You will only be thinking about how that person is not your ex and so you will not even be open for new feelings or possibilities. I know it's a common thing, but it really only makes the hurt worse.

 

Heal from the loss, and then put yourself back out there.

 

That's probably why I've been feeling so awful lately. I should probably go back to being with myself and with friends and the gym.

bluegreen Established Member

bluegreen

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I can relate to your anxiety issues OP.

 

The feelings of "never finding love again" is just a byproduct. Fear and anxiety go hand in hand. Trust me I had panic attacks off the wahoo, so I was prescribed medication to help me deal with my lack of "serotonin." It helped to a degree, but I knew that it was a mask...

 

Here's a quote by Will Smith that I hope gets you through today.

 

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me danger is very real but fear is a choice.”

 

 

 

And I would just add this : Worst fear of all is fear of fear itself.

Been trying for long time to remember this ...

Big Sky Member

Big Sky

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kgreatie, if he truly loved you, he would still be with you.

 

OK. It's quotes like this that I feel are not so helpful. I don't necessarily think this is the case. There are circumstances that love cannot trump sometimes. The person may have or still truly love the OP, but circumstances ay prevent them from being together -- who knows?

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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The hard truth is; it depends on how desirable you are.

 

If you are looking to fall madly in love, and have that instant connection, where a guy is head over heels for you?

 

If you have trouble attracting men then you may not find THAT type of love again. If you ever had that with him mutually (not just one sided from your end).

 

Personally, I am a average gal yet I have no doubt I would be able to find that sort of love again. I may be average looking but I don't have issues attracting men.

 

The good news is you can improve yourself and make it more likely that more men will gravitate towards you, increasing the chance of finding a great love.

 

I am sorry for your loss, I went through it last year and it took me months to recover.

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kgreatie Member

kgreatie

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The hard truth is; it depends on how desirable you are.

 

If you are looking to fall madly in love, and have that instant connection, where a guy is head over heels for you?

 

If you have trouble attracting men then you may not find THAT type of love again. If you ever had that with him mutually (not just one sided from your end).

 

Personally, I am a average gal yet I have no doubt I would be able to find that sort of love again. I may be average looking but I don't have issues attracting men.

 

The good news is you can improve yourself and make it more likely that more men will gravitate towards you, increasing the chance of finding a great love.

 

I am sorry for your loss, I went through it last year and it took me months to recover.

 

Finding love is not based on how "attractive" or "desirable" I am.

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kgreatie Member

kgreatie

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OK. It's quotes like this that I feel are not so helpful. I don't necessarily think this is the case. There are circumstances that love cannot trump sometimes. The person may have or still truly love the OP, but circumstances ay prevent them from being together -- who knows?

 

I kinda agree. At a point, he really did love me and was in love. He just fell out of love and couldn't see a future with me. So maybe he really didn't truly love me. That hurts the most because what we had was true love..

sooshi Established Member

sooshi

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If he really didn't truly love you, then you two didn't ever have true love. I know that hurts, but I hope that knowing that and accepting it helps you move forward. You deserve true love!

bluegreen Established Member

bluegreen

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When you are emotionally physically psychologically healed from your break up and have moved on you can and will meet someone better not only that but very likely exactly right for you.

 

If you are asking for guarantees sorry not gonna happen they don't exist.

Try move on go pass fail rules are same for all of us ...

oracle Established Member

oracle

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nope

 

I been single for almost 4 years since.

Mint Sauce Established Member

Mint Sauce

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nope

 

I been single for almost 4 years since.

 

We all know these people, those that never recovered from a lost love. The elderly woman living alone with her cats after her husband died young, the uncle that gets drunk at every family reunion because he never got over the fact his wife left him for someone else...

 

The common denominator in these cases is not that these people had a bond with their former partners that could not be matched in a future relationship, it's that they were incapable of letting go, or chose not to let go, of the past. There's a very romantic aspect to such a devotion to a former partner, but it's very often not in proportion to the actual quality of the lost relationship.

 

Take your time to look back with sadness, allow some time for grieving, and no problem if that takes several months or even a few years. But at some point, you have to let go. And then you'll find that it's easy to find someone new. It will be different, but just as good.

 

I came her 2 years ago, totally heartbroken because the love of my life left me. And I was certain she was the one, as I had been married previously.

Nevertheless, I find myself in a new relationship, with a totally different kind of connection, and genuinely happy. Don't despair, you'll be ok.

  • Like 3
gaius Established Member

gaius

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I've been through three of those. The kind of women that infect your mind and invade your dreams. You're always bummed out for a while and it can take a long time to detox them from your system when it ends up not working out but another one always pops up eventually.

 

Until then you just do the best you can and enjoy your time with those who are great but might not be the real deal.

Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

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Give me hope - did you find someone better, with a better connection?

 

Absolutely!

 

My second husband could knock spots of my first one.

 

I had to kiss a lot of frogs before I found him, but he was worth waiting for. :D

  • Like 2
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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We all know these people, those that never recovered from a lost love. The elderly woman living alone with her cats after her husband died young, the uncle that gets drunk at every family reunion because he never got over the fact his wife left him for someone else...

 

The common denominator in these cases is not that these people had a bond with their former partners that could not be matched in a future relationship, it's that they were incapable of letting go, or chose not to let go, of the past. There's a very romantic aspect to such a devotion to a former partner, but it's very often not in proportion to the actual quality of the lost relationship.

 

Take your time to look back with sadness, allow some time for grieving, and no problem if that takes several months or even a few years. But at some point, you have to let go. And then you'll find that it's easy to find someone new. It will be different, but just as good.

 

I came her 2 years ago, totally heartbroken because the love of my life left me. And I was certain she was the one, as I had been married previously.

Nevertheless, I find myself in a new relationship, with a totally different kind of connection, and genuinely happy. Don't despair, you'll be ok.

 

This. My aunt died alone after she lost her husband at 30. She never dated again.

 

In all those cases it's not that the connection was so extremely special it's about conscious choice not to let go and being closed off to getting to know other people.

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