He's mad because I want him to have a car

[Smilecharmer]

What? You don't have a license and you think it is okay to disparage him about not having a license or a car? It isn't, if you thought that was a deal breaker you shouldn't have started dating him and if you don't have one yourself, you shouldn't demand he be held to a different standard. If you like him, make getting your license together a goal.

[Mo_Do]

KaylaP is why I wont date girls under 28 - they are confused, feel entitled and yet, have accomplished NOTHING themselves.

 

Pathetic.

 

OP likely lives at home and is unemployed or a budding career student.

 

What a score!!!

[ktya]

I find this thread amusing, mostly because of personal experience.

 

I have a truck. It is not insured and the poor gas guzzler sits in my driveway because it costs about a dollar a minute to drive (4.9L F-150).

 

I also live across the street from a rapid transit station, and work across the street from a rapid transit station. Door to door I get to work in 25 minutes, I dont pay for parking, insurance, gas. I've lived like this for years. I love it. I never have to worry about drinking and driving because an automated rapid transit system always gets me home.

 

I get girls when I line up dates who eschew a similar attitude to he OP. They ask me, "Dont you drive?" when I try to meet them near a transit station. The ones that get all strange about me not driving dont seem to get that it makes no financial sense whatsoever for me to drive and, ironically, when we're going to meet for drinks, it makes better sense to take another mode of transport anyway.

 

I guess they see that I dont drive as some indication that I don't have my sh*t together. Too bad for them.

 

I have a four bedroom house.

I have a 28 foot sailboat that sleeps 5.

I do have a truck owned free and clear, albeit poor sucker gathers dust in my driveway.

I work in investment banking selling investment portfolio advisory services.

And I have a lot of other really nice toys, subwoofers in every room, 1000 watt stereo, four computers and two notebooks, projection theatre system.

 

Yet there are women like the OP who will filter me out because I dont drive a car.

 

Guess those ladies wont get a chance to go for a weekend sailing adventure on my boat.

 

lol

[kaylan]

If you guys live in a city where public transportation is readily available... and driving makes no sense at all (like NYC)...

 

Then pushing him to get a car is a bit much

 

This.

 

And there are also those affordable car rental memberships that you can buy for leisure use. Plenty of people in nyc do this or use cabs.

Edited April 14, 2014 by kaylan

[UnlitCandle]

I do have a truck owned free and clear, albeit poor sucker gathers dust in my driveway.

 

lol

 

Sell that puppy, complex mechanical devices doesn't take long term storage too well unless you regularly maintain it, plus its a depreciating asset, haha...

[ThatMan]

All of this vitriol for a man who doesn't drive...

I cannot begin to imagine some of the harsh words you whisper to yourself under your own breath. Do you think of yourself as an adult child who couldn't quite manage to get behind a wheel while teenagers drive everyday?

 

Go easy on yourself. Just because you don't have a license yet doesn't mean you should be so pessimistic about it. Being without a license isn't a big deal and it shouldn't be used as a free pass to say bad things about yourself or anyone else.

[KaylaP]

Does he have a driver's license? If he does, he could just drive his parents car. Honestly, it could save quite a bit of money.

 

Also, I suggest you either give up on the car driving requirements or break up.

 

OK...we're not together we was just talking but I deaded it anyways after he acted like he cant be bothered with trying.

 

And no he doesn't have a drivers license either which is so STUPID! That's what annoyed me to begin with & he's acting like that's normal.

 

WELL I don't think it is so there I ended it just last night & he called me a dumb bitch & other STUPID ASS NAMES but as u can see he's the immature one not me .

[MidwestUSA]

OK...we're not together we was just talking but I deaded it anyways after he acted like he cant be bothered with trying.

 

And no he doesn't have a drivers license either which is so STUPID! That's what annoyed me to begin with & he's acting like that's normal.

 

WELL I don't think it is so there I ended it just last night & he called me a dumb bitch & other STUPID ASS NAMES but as u can see he's the immature one not me .

 

 

 

Oh, absolutely we see it.

 

 

Good for you for standing your ground!

[Els]

 

WELL I don't think it is so there I ended it just last night & he called me a dumb bitch & other STUPID ASS NAMES but as u can see he's the immature one not me .

 

Uh. Sure....

[GoreSP]

AND YEA SO?!

 

 

We're both adults & he should be driving by now so no excuses! I used to date guys back in hs with no car but that's different.

 

 

HE'S 24 YEARS OLD!

 

 

Anyways...he says I'm asking too much of him but he was the one that was wanting to take me out and these are my requirements.

 

 

AND I told him I'm not getting on the trains & buses over the weekend.

 

 

ITS CRAZY OVER THE WEEKENDS!!

 

 

Am I being ridiculous just because driving & having a car is on my dating check list?

 

 

 

Why don't you get a car then?

 

 

He's your boyfriend not your driver...

[hasaquestion]

OP, if you don't have a car why would you expect him to have a car? Genuinely curious.

[d0nnivain]

KaylaP

 

 

Heads up. You are allowed to prefer that a man have a car. As others have said, though, you seem a bit hypocritical demanding something you don't have.

 

 

I'll give you can example. When I met my husband, he took me out on our 1st date to a cheap Mexican restaurant. I wasn't happy about the choice but didn't pitch a fit & went anyway. 2nd date we went to a high end place for lunch -- my choice & I paid. I was subtly sending a message that I wasn't a cheap date.

 

 

The "problem" with your post wasn't so much that you are seeking a man who you believe exhibits maturity & independence which right wrong or indifferent for you is embodied by having a car, it was the way you phrased it & your tone. It came across to me & apparently a few others as hostile & entitled.

 

 

I live in the sticks. Public transportation is rare & unreliable. From my home I would have to travel 3 miles to the nearest bus & 12 miles to the nearest train. Not having a car is impractical. Like you I can't image the circumstances under which I would willing date a man who didn't have a car. However, I live outside of NYC & completely understand that there having a car is the impractical choice. If public transportation is available by you, there is no reason to be as hard & fast about your insistence that the man have a car.

 

 

Assuming everything else about the guy was promising, I think you missed a golden opportunity. You could have lead by example. Perhaps learning to drive together could have been something you did together. Instead you failed to respect his choice & berated him for it. A little kindness on your part may have resulted in a different outcome.

[GoreSP]

I'm not in a relationship with him at this point BECAUSE...we just met ok.

 

 

We was talking on the phone & he asked me what I looked for in a guy & I told him driving & having a car is important to me.

 

 

He threw a f*cking HISSY FIT just because I feel this is important to me but he's the one that wants to take me out!

 

 

Now since he cant drive & wont be driving I guess it wont be working out wont it?

 

 

FYI I would've found out if we started going out though.

 

Yeah ok this thread is a joke, right?

[KaylaP]

OP, if you don't have a car why would you expect him to have a car? Genuinely curious.

 

OK will tell u why I don't drive right now is because I don't have any money to do so OK that's why.

 

I just graduated hs last June & haven't had a chance to get a job yet BUT I AM TRYING.

 

Its f*cking hard out there because everybody needs a job it seems like.

 

When I go out & have to take trains & buses I get hollered at by guys that kind of scare me & I don't feel very safe.

 

I HATE having to always travel in groups just to avoid it because sometimes I wanna go out by myself or with my man.

 

I just wanna date a guy with a car to get a break from all of that shyt!

 

Its not because I'm being a princess FYI.

[Cunning_Linguist]

I feel for this guy. I'm 24 and I don't have a car and don't plan on having one. I ride my bike everywhere and I love it. Do you realize how much money I've saved by not having a car? The positives outweigh all the negatives compared to a car, except when it comes to time management (quantity not quality) and carrying stuff around. It doesn't reflect my immaturity, as I handle all my business. If a girl I was seeing made it a big deal that I didn't have one I would next her real quick. What does it say about you that you are making such a big deal about it? Does his one lifestyle choice, a positive one at that, define him as a man? I understand if it's a deal breaker for you, but I don't think it's ok to judge another person for that choice.

[MidwestUSA]

I feel for this guy.

 

She ended it; no need. I'm sure he'll be fine.

[hasaquestion]

OK will tell u why I don't drive right now is because I don't have any money to do so OK that's why.

 

I just graduated hs last June & haven't had a chance to get a job yet BUT I AM TRYING.

 

Its f*cking hard out there because everybody needs a job it seems like.

 

When I go out & have to take trains & buses I get hollered at by guys that kind of scare me & I don't feel very safe.

 

I HATE having to always travel in groups just to avoid it because sometimes I wanna go out by myself or with my man.

 

I just wanna date a guy with a car to get a break from all of that shyt!

 

Its not because I'm being a princess FYI.

 

But why would a guy date you, if he can date a girl who has a job/car/takes care of herself and brings the same other things to the table?

 

Just saying, keep your preferences in perspective. To expect a guy to have things you do not have is a tough position to take. Its like a guy saying he wants a model when he's plain looking himself.

 

I know personally I would never seriously date a women who doesn't have a comparable (financially and otherwise) professional life to myself.

 

Its 2014, women have more avenues for success than ever in the states, and many if not most of the nation's top schools are graduating more women than men. If a man wants an independent and successful woman, its not that hard to find.

[Succession]

I just graduated hs last June & haven't had a chance to get a job yet BUT I AM TRYING.

 

When I go out & have to take trains & buses I get hollered at by guys that kind of scare me & I don't feel very safe.

 

What about if he picked you up at your house and you went places together by public transit? Would that solve the safety problem? If you're not willing to ride the bus with your guy, and insist that you travel by car, that's a bit selfish IMO.

 

Also, I don't think the people responding here realized how young you are. At 18, your sense of freedom and independence is largely defined by a car (or access to one), even in NYC. Besides, it's a waste of time defending your character to us randoms on the internet. Just sort through the messages for the advice you can use and ignore the non-constructive criticisms.

 

If you otherwise liked a guy who didn't have a car, is it a deal breaker? Or is it one factor you use to decide if he has his act together?

[123321]

AND I told him I'm not getting on the trains & buses over the weekend.

 

So you require HIM to have a car so you don't have to ride public transit? Seriously?

[RonaldS]

He doesn't have a driver license & NEVER DID! That's so freaking lame.

 

 

I see guys 18-19 years old driving around fast every day. For a 24 year old not to be able to do that is PATHETIC to me.

 

 

I mean what's so hard about getting a license & learning to drive? Don't he know most girls would want that if you're gonna be dating them?

 

 

I dealt with hs boys when I was younger & rode the trains & buses all day & it pissed me F*CKING OFF!

 

 

I'm trying to be an adult now & as soon as I can get a job I'm gonna go get a drivers license.

 

 

The last guy I was trying to date had a car but kept making excuses as to why he couldn't see me because the car was acting stupid!

 

 

I mean WTF?!

 

<Language redacted> It sounds like guys are basically just trying to avoid you.

 

Secondly, a woman I know was in a long relationship with a guy who never drove, didn't have a drivers license, etc. Was he pathetic? I don't know. He had a doctorate and was a college professor, so I'm not sure that makes him pathetic. Odd? Maybe. But he was a good looking, intelligent, successful guy who had no problem getting women, so that doesn't seem to be too big of a factor for others.

Edited April 14, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[NYC-BigKat]

OK...we're not together we was just talking but I deaded it anyways after he acted like he cant be bothered with trying.

 

And no he doesn't have a drivers license either which is so STUPID! That's what annoyed me to begin with & he's acting like that's normal.

 

WELL I don't think it is so there I ended it just last night & he called me a dumb bitch & other STUPID ASS NAMES but as u can see he's the immature one not me .

 

Um...driving is not easy for everyone u know . I tried to drive a car a few times & took lots & lots & lots of lessons & still failed my road test more than once so I don't try anymore. Its kinda hard to focus on the road & then the traffic with so many cars coming & people walking & street signs all at once. I don't how some people can do it but I cant sorry . I think taking a bus is easier & safer & since u ride it just keep taking it for now & don't be mean & reject good guys 'cause of it.

[KaylaP]

But why would a guy date you, if he can date a girl who has a job/car/takes care of herself and brings the same other things to the table?

 

Just saying, keep your preferences in perspective. To expect a guy to have things you do not have is a tough position to take. Its like a guy saying he wants a model when he's plain looking himself.

 

I know personally I would never seriously date a women who doesn't have a comparable (financially and otherwise) professional life to myself.

 

Its 2014, women have more avenues for success than ever in the states, and many if not most of the nation's top schools are graduating more women than men. If a man wants an independent and successful woman, its not that hard to find.

 

 

I don't have to bring a lot to the table right now FYI OK since I'm only 18.

 

 

AND...I do take care of myself. I look good for my man & I don't act like a STUPID ASS in public like some girls do OK?

 

 

I'm going to college this fall so I will be successful eventually. I feel like u are trying to compare me to women in the 20s-30s or something.

 

 

THATS NOT ME RIGHT NOW!

 

 

I'm just trying to do casual dating & do safe dating OK? Do u even know what its like for a young cute black girl like me to walk the streets with all these PERVS ON THE LOOSE?! IME its RIDICULOUS.

 

 

 

 

That's the only reason why I require my man to drive a car & not to be a princess NM.

[HomanWater]

I don't act like a STUPID ASS in public

 

If only you wrote this before making this thread...

 

But hey, you're only 18. You have time... 10 years later you'll be either laughing or cringing at this thread...

[Keenly]

Its absolutely your prerogative to choose to not date some one because they don't have a car.

 

However, you do not have the right to get mad at some one, demand, insist, or otherwise order some one to have a car.

 

You can move on from him because he doesn't meet your qualifications, or you can suck it up and deal with it.

 

Its basically falling into the category of trying to change some one to your liking. He doesn't have a car, so instead of trying to change him, either leave or work with him.

 

 

A valuable lesson for anyone dating; take them as they come, or don't. You don't get to puck and choose when it comes to people and who they are.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't have to bring a lot to the table right now FYI OK since I'm only 18.

 

 

AND...I do take care of myself. I look good for my man & I don't act like a STUPID ASS in public like some girls do OK?

 

 

I'm going to college this fall so I will be successful eventually. I feel like u are trying to compare me to women in the 20s-30s or something.

 

 

THATS NOT ME RIGHT NOW!

 

 

I'm just trying to do casual dating & do safe dating OK? Do u even know what its like for a young cute black girl like me to walk the streets with all these PERVS ON THE LOOSE?! IME its RIDICULOUS.

 

 

 

 

That's the only reason why I require my man to drive a car & not to be a princess NM.

 

But...the internet is a public platform.