Dumper who turned my world on it's head wants me back a year later, but...

[Sleepyhead]

Hey all. I just wanted to post this little story for those who are hurting and don't see how they'll ever get over the pain they're in right now.

 

My ex dumped me almost exactly a year ago because of some undiagnosed health problems I had that were getting in the way of your relationship. I was shattered, absolutely broken. Despite immediately going strict and total NC, I cried for months and months. Nothing took the pain away, including intensive therapy and even anti-depressants. I even took a semester off from school because I was so terrified of seeing him again. Despite my pain, I made huge efforts to improve myself as a person-- emotionally, mentally, and physically.

 

I went back to school in January and was constantly on edge because I was so afraid of seeing him, and made great efforts to avoid bumping into him. What if he looked happier than me? What if he was with a new girl? I was so scared I just wouldn't be able to handle it.

 

And one day (when I was actually on the way to meet up with a new guy I had been seeing, so I was all dolled up), I ran into my ex. He was alone. I almost didn't recognize him. And strangely, I looked at him and I didn't feel anything. Nothing. We exchanged pleasantries and went on our way.

 

Since then, it's gotten back to me through mutual friends that he severely regrets the breakup and has been dying to ask me for a second chance. He said "I knew she was only going to get more beautiful." My friends asked me if I would be willing to try again with him, and I said... no. I'm happy again and I don't need him anymore.

 

So it just goes to show you, sometimes they do come back... but when they do you probably won't want them anymore. So if you're hurting right now beyond belief, please think of that. I never thought I'd be where I am now.

[bojangles]

Been a lil over a week with my BU. Still hurts but good to see you've reached the point a lot of us on here are striving for! How's it going with the new guy?

[Sleepyhead]

I truly wish you best of luck on your journey-- and it really is a journey! The new guy and I are taking things casually, but considering I really did just recently get over my ex completely I think it's just what I need. Thanks for reading.

[elseaacych]

Sleepyhead. I am going through the exact thing you went through a year ago, right now, right down to the depression and everything. It is mutual NC, although it kills me (and I know he has a new girl). It's unlikely he will ever come back.

 

I am glad to see that you were able to bounce back from some pretty deep depths to come out better and stronger. I hope that I will get to that point one day soon. Your story is inspiring, and I hope that things are going well with the new guy.

 

Thank you for sharing!!!

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm glad you've moved on. However, the fact that he was trying to ask through other people makes me doubt how sincere he was about reconnecting. Either way, you did the right thing.

[Sleepyhead]

I'm glad you've moved on. However, the fact that he was trying to ask through other people makes me doubt how sincere he was about reconnecting. Either way, you did the right thing.

 

I can totally understand that, but trust me he is one of the shyest individuals I've ever met. He's always been terrified of rejection but at the same time has a huge (but fragile) ego. In fact this is the way he gauged my interest in the very first place when we started dating-- through friends. But either way, it feels good to be over and done with it.

[learning_slowly]

If you felt nothing, was there really that much there to begin with. I have split up with people in the past and wouldn't want to be with them, but would be interested in them being happy.

 

Are you sure you felt nothing? Or are you happy you were selfishly disinterested?

 

To be stronger in yourself, I think you need to be able to encourage him to move on, but in a way that is not harsh. But I think that all depends on whether you were in love or just infatuated at the time?

[Sleepyhead]

I think you misunderstood me, perhaps I should have phrased it better. I have nothing but love in my heart towards my ex-- he is truly a great person I do wish the best for him, but what I hated was the pain that I went through and the power that I let him have over me.

 

When I say I felt nothing, I mean in a romantic sense. I imagined sooo many times while we were apart the first time I'd see him. Would I cry? Would I panic and run the other way? I expected my heart to race and for me to not know what to even say. I built up this horrible image of him being infinitely more happy than I was. But when I saw him it wasn't like that-- he was just another person to me.

 

I was deeply, deeply in love with him. But we are just too different to even have a chance of trying again, but I can honestly say I'll always wish him the best.

 

Thanks for reading!

[hopti]

Thank you for writing this! Allthough Im doing aloooot better (6months post BU) I am terrified of bumping in to my ex for the exact same reasons you mention! Good to know Im not alone, and how better than expected it went for you! I want to hear more about this and you!

[soccerrprp]

Hey all. I just wanted to post this little story for those who are hurting and don't see how they'll ever get over the pain they're in right now.

 

My ex dumped me almost exactly a year ago because of some undiagnosed health problems I had that were getting in the way of your relationship. I was shattered, absolutely broken. Despite immediately going strict and total NC, I cried for months and months. Nothing took the pain away, including intensive therapy and even anti-depressants. I even took a semester off from school because I was so terrified of seeing him again. Despite my pain, I made huge efforts to improve myself as a person-- emotionally, mentally, and physically.

 

I went back to school in January and was constantly on edge because I was so afraid of seeing him, and made great efforts to avoid bumping into him. What if he looked happier than me? What if he was with a new girl? I was so scared I just wouldn't be able to handle it.

 

And one day (when I was actually on the way to meet up with a new guy I had been seeing, so I was all dolled up), I ran into my ex. He was alone. I almost didn't recognize him. And strangely, I looked at him and I didn't feel anything. Nothing. We exchanged pleasantries and went on our way.

 

Since then, it's gotten back to me through mutual friends that he severely regrets the breakup and has been dying to ask me for a second chance. He said "I knew she was only going to get more beautiful." My friends asked me if I would be willing to try again with him, and I said... no. I'm happy again and I don't need him anymore.

 

So it just goes to show you, sometimes they do come back... but when they do you probably won't want them anymore. So if you're hurting right now beyond belief, please think of that. I never thought I'd be where I am now.

 

Fantastic!

 

Thank goodness, I feared that it was another "he/she took me back" thread!