HomanWater Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 (edited) You're on a date. Your date tells you sth about themselves. They slip up a thing that (they don't know) is a deal-breaker for you. How to handle the issue? 1)Inform them right away that it's a deal-breaker and terminate the date right away? 2)Not mention it, just go colder over time so they get the hint? 3)Carry on like nothing happened, until asked for next date, then just say there won't be another one? If not asked, just never bother to set up another one? 4)Other way? In similar vein, what is the best way to handle things you don't like, but are not a deal-breakers and you can work through them? Edited April 13, 2014 by HomanWater
ses Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Don't be a douche and just end the date unless they're being an obnoxious, insufferable bore. If there are issues with compatibility just politely decline when a second date is suggested. Thank the person for their time and separate. It's all trial and error. Don't make it into a big deal and have fun! You can gossip about your adventures/misadventures here on LS. 3
LustAppeal Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 4) Continue with the date, don't lead the person on and toward the end of the date admit, "I don't see us being anything more than friends." Boom Bang, DONE. They'll hopefully get the hint and not have to wonder if you want them or not. 1
Author HomanWater Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 4) Continue with the date, don't lead the person on and toward the end of the date admit, "I don't see us being anything more than friends." Boom Bang, DONE. They'll hopefully get the hint and not have to wonder if you want them or not. That is actually pretty much option 3) with a different wording. Question is, what if they ask "why?"?
MidwestUSA Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 That is actually pretty much option 3) with a different wording. Question is, what if they ask "why?"? No explanation owed, but might as well lay the deal breaker out there since you discovered it.
JourneyLady Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Treat them as a *human being* even if you don't see them as relationship material. You may run into them in some group or event down the road after all - it's a small world! So I'd go with option 4 and the addendum after it, IF they ask. Chances are they might know what it is, but not always. Just remember, you might end up as co-workers, or they might even be the person who cleans your office. Be nice to people. Don't make enemies, even if you don't want to date them. 2
LustAppeal Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 That is actually pretty much option 3) with a different wording. Question is, what if they ask "why?"? What I am trying to say is be honest, but not painfully blunt. If not asked for a second date make it clear you do not want one. You never know how long he may sit behind his cell waiting for a text from you.
SoleMate Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 What kind of a deal breaker are we talking here? Because it makes a big difference. Is it: 1) "I make pornographic films using child actors!" "I murdered my first 2 spouses!" "People say I murdered my first 2 spouses but they're all a bunch of lying jackasses! heh, heh" "Can you take this suitcase to New York for me? I'll pay you $900! Don't look inside." 2) "I cheated on my first 2 spouses but rarely cheat on my current one!" "I want to chew on you right here and maybe we can have oral sex behind the bar....if you're not too big of a prude." "I arranged a hotel room for us and the others are waiting there right now." 3) "I make $10.50 an hour." "I would not want to kiss before the bishop holds our sealing." "I worship iguanas and hope to lead you to join me in this faith." "I forgot my wallet." "I make $4M a year as a tobacco lobbyist." 1) Leave, call 911. 2) Leave, do not contact again. No need to be polite. 3) Finish out date as quickly as possible, while being polite, and then do not accept another date. 6
MidwestUSA Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 LOL, Solemate. I don't know what your med is, but I want some! Hilarious, thanks! Hubbie wonders why I'm grinning. 1
MissBee Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 You're on a date. Your date tells you sth about themselves. They slip up a thing that (they don't know) is a deal-breaker for you. How to handle the issue? 1)Inform them right away that it's a deal-breaker and terminate the date right away? 2)Not mention it, just go colder over time so they get the hint? 3)Carry on like nothing happened, until asked for next date, then just say there won't be another one? If not asked, just never bother to set up another one? 4)Other way? In similar vein, what is the best way to handle things you don't like, but are not a deal-breakers and you can work through them? Number 3 seems most appropriate. If you exhibit a deal breaker, I may not abruptly end the date, but certainly will do something to make it clear there won't be another. I will try to pay for myself, thank you and make a swift exit once it's time to leave. If he's astute he will pick up on it. If he immediately asks to go out again before the date is over I will not confirm it. If he tries to ask after the date I will be honest and say I don't think it will work.
Author HomanWater Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 So essentially it doesn't really matter when, as long as you aren't rude (kind of default assumption to make)?
Noproblem Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 So essentially it doesn't really matter when, as long as you aren't rude (kind of default assumption to make)? It does matter when! You just have to be polite and don't give people false hope
RedRobin Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 I agree with the above poster and say it depends. For the garden variety confession from an otherwise polite, respectful person... finishing the obligatory date, then turning down subsequent dates seems the best approach. I need to add though... that offering to pay my share (as a woman) is NOT a message of rejection. I've always offered to pay my share (!!). I hate it when women use this approach to show disfavor. To me, that's lazy. It's 2014 for chrissakes... pay your own way or at least offer. If you don't like him, then just say so. If I really, really didn't like him, I might INSIST on paying and make it clear right there on the spot that I appreciated having the chance to get to know him better, but I don't think we have a romantic future.
d0nnivain Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Again, except in the rare instance where the deal breaker involves the need for immediate criminal intervention, there is no need for confrontation on the date. I'd end the date sooner rather than later & spout something about it not working out but leave it at that.
Armegoggon Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 I'm gonna say, end the date and tell them that it's nice knowing you. I'll also tell them "I'm sorry but we cannot be in a relationship. We can still be friends honestly!". Btw, a datebreaker would be if somebody smokes (and/or drinks often).
Gaeta Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 It happened to me once. I waited after the date. Well not really a date it was a coffee-date. When he called me back I told him I had seriously thought about it and the fact he was living in his ex-wife basement was something that bothered me enough to not pursue any further. He said he understood.
StanMusial Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 I went out with a girl once that I had no idea she had a child. She didn't mention it until the second or third date. I explained to her that she was further along than me in life and that we probably wouldn't work out.
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