zen2475 Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 We were together for 2.5 years. We broke up last July. We were an LDR. I'm in Houston and he's in the Army at Ft. Hood, just 200 miles away. We actually got to see each other about once a month, sometimes more as his leave schedule allowed. When we broke up, he was on two-weeks leave. He came here to see me, spending the first 10 days of it with me. His family lives in Houston as well (we met before he went in the Army). The day he broke up with me, he was going to spend a couple of days at his mother's to help her pack to move into a new house she just purchased. All seemed good right until the break up. We made wonderful meals together, watched fireworks for July 4, and had the most amazing sex ever. When he came for that visit, he even bought stuff for "our" apartment, and arranged a get together with our group of friends and his mother and sisters at a local craft brew pub so his family could meet "our friends". Then BAM...one morning he kisses me goodbye before I go to work and tells me he loves me, then several hours later I get the "we need to talk" text. I asked if he was breaking up, and he said yes. He tried texting a few more times wanting to meet, and I just told him I had nothing to say to him. He presented me with a fait accompli, so what was the point? So I went into NC. Blocked him on FB. Made no attempts at contact whatsoever. While his mother and I got along well, even when we were together we were never friends on FB, nor did we have each other's numbers. The only time we spoke was when the ex was in town and we made family visits. Two weeks ago I get a FB message and friend request from her saying "Will you at least talk to me?" She went on to say ex is being deployed this July, and she wants to give me updates. I responded by saying that while I had valued my time with ex, he had made a decision to break up with me and I wanted to respect that. I told her I wished all the best for his safety. She pushed it a little more (being friends and talking), and I told her I couldn't because I was in pain and trying to heal and move on. She responded by saying "There's a lot I could say, but it won't change the pain you both went through." Very odd. I told her she had my utmost affection, but I just can't be friends with her right now. This whole thing has thrown me for such a loop. Part of me feels like this is a temperature test vis a vis ex is afraid to contact me since I shut him down and blocked him, so he went through his mom under the pretext of updates on his impending deployment. But it makes me angry. How dare they ask for my support when I was dumped out of the blue? I also feel vulnerable because I admitted I was in pain, but I conversely think I asserted my boundaries in a pleasant, but firm way. I showed his mother respect and courtesy, but also protected myself. Anyway, this is just me venting more than anything. This really opened up the wounds and screwed with my head. I'm also very fearful for him because of his deployment. He commands a tank and operates the gun(s) from the turret. I really, really hope he stays safe. Thanks for listening.
No Limit Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Maybe you should ask his mother why exactly it is she's trying to keep in touch with you. If she blames those updates again, tell her you appreciate the effort but since you two are not a couple anymore it's none of your concern. You are two different people and each has their own lives, and you most certainly don't need to overlook his. Nor does he need any more information about you.
Author zen2475 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 Thanks. I really doubt if I'll hear from her again, unless it's a significant update about him. I don't think there is any point in asking what her motives are. It's not like I would get a straight answer anyway. Asking her after she's already provided her raison d'etre would be making it obvious I'm looking for information about ex. The important thing is that I protected myself. And I agree with you they don't need to know anything about me. I don't want her feeding him information about me that she would get off my FB page.
yorkie Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Zen can i say well done my ex's gran phoned me the other day and asked how i was and it took me back to the break up! im in LC with my ex cos i have kids with her. but this threw me completely! i didnt know what to say and i felt really bad as i was quite off with her gran! keep moving on i personally think my ex's family are missing me as they all said she wouldnt find a guy like me but you know what im not in a relationship with her family lol anyway chin up! xx keep the faith x 1
Author zen2475 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 Thank you, Yorkie, and I greatly appreciate your empathy. Yeah, this threw me back to the break up as well. It's been a painful experience.
yorkie Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Zen i bet you were just feeling in shock and didnt know what to say. i am the same, me and my ex's family were very close i am stubborn though and don't want any contact what so ever but like you i still feel the pain. thing is her gran asked me to go round and take the kids to hers so i could fix her computer, i said no she needs to get my ex new bf to go and do it after all he is an it expert lol last week i was a mess but i am getting stronger and you know what we will get there x
bluegreen Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 You took one of most mature smartest best for your self approaches to breaking up and NC that I have read about here. I really can admire and respect that I feel that there is just nothing we can advise you but this: Unless he comes back like on his knees and begs for next chance explains his reasons for his behavior and only and if only you are sure that you can still make it work consider it then. People don't just break up for no reason never ever. Something stinks in state of Denmark as they say keep on doing what you are but on your own try finding those reasons you deserve to know. There is possibility of someone else existing as well so get yourself checked am sorry that's harsh and don't take it wrong way but whatever is best for you and your health u need to do it. All in all am glad to have you here with us : ))) clever girl
Author zen2475 Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 Thank you, BlueGreen. He offered to explain several times, but I refused to hear him out. As I said, he presented me with a fait accompli, so to me any explanation at that point was moot. I chose to focus on the "what"; i.e., he is gone; rather than the "why". That's all that really matters. As we know, the break-up talks can be some of the most disingenuous discussions one can have. I knew it would be up to me to find my own peace and closure with this, and that is the path I have chosen.
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