citylove Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Hi all, I hate that I'm back on these forums after a bit of a hiatus, but I'm hoping some of you can provide me with some positive messages to keep me going. Here's the basic overview of my story: I'm 22, about to graduate from college in less than a month (that's so hard to believe). I initially came to this forum back in 2011 after my first love, who I was with for three years, broke up with me. I was devastated-- that's probably a massive understatement. I fell into a deep depression, started seeing a therapist, and was put on medication for emotional turmoil. It took me about two and a half years to finally feel ready to open my heart again, even though I was still pained by all that I'd been through with my ex. This past January, I met someone. I was terrified of getting hurt again, but I truly trusted him. It happened very quickly, which I'm sure was a bad decision on my part, but we both seemed equally dedicated to it. He had been badly hurt by an ex girlfriend and it just seemed so "right" that we found each other at this time. Things were wonderful-- no fights, nothing like that. I took him to my hometown and he met my family and friends. He repeatedly told me that he could sense we were going to be together for a long time. Well, after just a couple of months, he broke up with me totally out of the blue. Of course, it wasn't out of the blue to him, but I was completely blindsided. It felt so overnight. The evening before he broke up with me, he was calling me "Honey" and sending me his usual goodnight texts. The next day, he just... ended it. He gave me the typical run-down of reasons: he needs to be alone for now, he doesn't think I'm "meant" for him, and he feels like his life is a mess. He's in an extremely stressful masters program, so I understand some of what he's going through. But I was just absolutely stunned (and still am) that he gave up on me at the first hint of doubt or strain. Anyway, I guess none of that is really important now. I'm just feeling incredibly low. I consider myself intelligent, funny, kind, and accomplished. I'm about to graduate from a fairly prestigious university. I just found out I'm a Fulbright scholar and I have so many things to be proud of and happy about. But this has just torn me apart. I have cut off all contact, aside from a very calm, understanding letter in which I didn't beg, plead, or criticize him at all. He completely ignored it. I haven't heard from him since the day we broke up, just over three weeks ago. I know that it will get better. I've heard it all, and I've been through it before. I'm just wondering if anyone (possibly older/wiser, haha) can offer me some perspective. Did you ever go through something similar and eventually find love that was even better? The process hurts so much. I want to believe that it will be worth it. But in the moment, all I can do is sob, miss him, and wish he'd reach out.
Damaged217 Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 (edited) Well even though it was a short relationship, I know it can still hurt very much. Here's some perspective. You explained how you were devastated after your first breakup and you probably were feeling a lot like you are now. But you eventually healed and found someone new, did you not? Well, it will happen again. You sound like you have a lot going for you and just focus on that. When you're the type of person that finds happiness within themselves and doesn't live their life desperately searching for love, love usually tends to find YOU. You survived once and you will survive again. I promise. You seemed to have learned a lot from your first breakup so good for you! Just consider this another learning experience. Sometimes you have to get your heart broken A LOT in order to find that one good guy who will cherish you. Don't give up! It will happen when it's meant to. P.S. I'm not just talking crap to make you feel better! lol. I went through tons of heartache and realized half of the reason why it hurt so much was because I wasn't completely happy with myself and was looking for someone to "complete" me. Once I realized that mistake and worked on being happy on my own, I met a GREAT guy that makes me forget about all the pain I've been through on this road of love. And you will, too! Edited April 13, 2014 by Damaged217 1
Author citylove Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 Thank you so much for taking time to respond. Your kind words mean a lot. I know you're right, but it just hurts so much and feels impossible to let go of him right now. Ugh.
d0nnivain Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Focus on finals & graduation. Enjoy the last of your college years. Think of it as a fresh begining. You will be ending college & off to the next phase of your life with no baggage. The world is your oyster.
Author citylove Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 Thanks. It's just a very scary time in my life to begin with, and it's so hard to deal with a broken heart on top of it all. I really miss him.
ain5053 Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Hi Citylove, I know exactly what you are going through…. My ex did the same thing to me just 3 months into our amazing relationship. We were perfect for each other, and him breaking up with me completely blindsided and terribly hurt me. He didn't talk to me for a month. I did the NC and eventually after a month he has contacted me again. We started dating again and dated for another year and a half, until he recently has done the exact same thing a week ago….. And now I am back where I started. What have I learned from this and what I can tell you - move on and don't look back… If he has done it once, he is most likely to do it again. Some men are full of lies, they think they know what they want but they do not. A worthy man would not do that… I wish I saw it a year and a half ago… wish I moved on then and didn't have to suffer through this unbearable pain once again. I wish the best of luck to you….
d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Thanks. It's just a very scary time in my life to begin with, and it's so hard to deal with a broken heart on top of it all. I really miss him. Change is scary. But you did the hard part: getting through school. You will survive this too.
Author citylove Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 Thanks, guys. Today is not feeling much better so far, but I forced myself out of bed and went to my classes. I guess that's all I can really do at this point.
Damaged217 Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Think of it this way...do you think your ex is moping around and crying over you? Nope. Constantly remind yourself of the fact that he's probably out having a jolly ol' time NOT thinking about you while you're laying around missing him. Don't give him that satisfaction. d0nnivain is right. College is almost over and you do NOT want to spend the time you have left there moping over some guy. When you graduate and are out working in the real world, you will regret wasting away this time. So get out there and enjoy college while you can! That's an order! :-)
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