Jay77098 Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Hi All - I am now 6 weeks post-BU with my ex, and I have gotten myself to a point where I feel like dating again. I have recently been on a couple of dates with women that I met through Match.com, and it has felt good to be back out there in the market looking for someone new. But I am a bit depressed this morning after a date last night. None of the dates that I have been on recently have been very good. The women were nice enough, and the dates pleasant enough, but I can't say that I am/was terribly excited about seeing any of these women again. The whole process of dating takes so much time and effort, and when these dates wind up being ho-hum, it leaves me feeling a bit hopeless about the whole process. Any thoughts on how to keep my spirits up?
BC1980 Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Hi All - I am now 6 weeks post-BU with my ex, and I have gotten myself to a point where I feel like dating again. I have recently been on a couple of dates with women that I met through Match.com, and it has felt good to be back out there in the market looking for someone new. But I am a bit depressed this morning after a date last night. None of the dates that I have been on recently have been very good. The women were nice enough, and the dates pleasant enough, but I can't say that I am/was terribly excited about seeing any of these women again. The whole process of dating takes so much time and effort, and when these dates wind up being ho-hum, it leaves me feeling a bit hopeless about the whole process. Any thoughts on how to keep my spirits up? Finding someone is often random and a stroke of luck, so I think you need to go in knowing that. You really need the attitude that you are fine by yourself and happy to wait for the right person. 3
FortunateSon Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 You are only 6 weeks post BU so there are probably some residual feelings left from thee previous relationship that may be affecting your dates. It is easy to expect the earth to move when starting to date again, assuming you will make that comfortable, instant connection you had with your previous partner, especially shortly after a break up. You might want to initially date without much expectation, just meeting new women and enjoying their company. It will get better with time...or when you meet the right woman. If you feel like it isn't worth the time/effort, take some time off from dating, wait until you better about it again.
Jiivy Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 You are only 6 weeks post BU so there are probably some residual feelings left from thee previous relationship that may be affecting your dates. It is easy to expect the earth to move when starting to date again, assuming you will make that comfortable, instant connection you had with your previous partner, especially shortly after a break up. You might want to initially date without much expectation, just meeting new women and enjoying their company. It will get better with time...or when you meet the right woman. If you feel like it isn't worth the time/effort, take some time off from dating, wait until you better about it again. Seconded! I met my ex fianceé and was with her for 7 years - but the meeting was never "intentionally" romantic. I think that's how really strong love begins...when you stop looking for it and just let it happen. She left me for another man, so it's not the rosiest story in the world. But God, the memories changed me forever and opened up my heart to a world I never could have believed. Don't regret the past or try to force the future. Just enjoy it and know that things will find you. 1
hudson701 Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Going through the exact same timeframe as you. Started dating again but can't help compare every single woman to my ex- so far no one measures up. What does this mean? I'm no where near ready for dating! So it's time to take time out for myself, at least a few months so I can be happy on my own again. I only would of arrived at this conclusion by scratching the itch to date so soon after the breakup. So in a way, I'm glad I did. I suggest you do the same- take time to heal properly which will put you in a better frame of mind for dating.
Author Jay77098 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 Good advice from all, and much appreciated. The thought had occurred to me that I might be jumping back into the pool too soon. The strange part of all of this is that I finally feel like I'm starting to get past my ex. I have finally started to see her in a rational manner, as opposed to the emotional way I had viewed her before. She lied to me, she had no respect for my feelings, and she didn't care about me. So at least I am on the right path to recovery there. But maybe I should take some time off from dating to heal completely. Thanks, all.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Finding someone is often random and a stroke of luck, so I think you need to go in knowing that. You really need the attitude that you are fine by yourself and happy to wait for the right person. Agreed. I've found OLD dating to feel extremely forced. Doesn't seem natural to me at all, and I have since put that whole scene on hold indefinitely...
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