kaylan Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 (edited) So in a previous thread I said I would be taking a dating break...and Im really going to try and stick to it. So the plan is to get my career in order, continue working on fitness, and to have fun cultivating friendships. My closer friends from growing up and from my college years live down in the big city. Im in the burbs...which is close enough to visit them and such...but still not close enough to do it often. Plus as we have gotten older, life just happens and sometimes its harder to keep in touch. So Im trying to make more local friends in order to fill up my schedule and have cool pals. As it stands, my local friends are more like acquaintances, but Im going to try and make more of an effort to do more chilling and meet more people. Which brings me to my main thought...female friends. Ive had one true female friend in the past. And when I say that, I mean a female friend where neither of us had underlying desire for any sort of sexual/romantic relationship. This was a few years ago during my last couple years of college. It was nice, we clicked well, and I learned a lot about the benefits of a real female friend. This does not change my belief that most male-female friendships hinge on some sort of sexual attraction though. Which is why I tread carefully. But before my falling out with her, that female friend and I really did understand on another. Anyways, I met this girl at the gym through a buddy of mine. And I spent an hour talking to her late in the gym last week. We got on really well...and I got her number, and we've texted a bit here and there. Shes not always the most prompt in response, but neither am I. Despite that, she seems keen on us working out together and being friends. Anyways, last night she did take forever to reply to one text, so once I saw the reply this morning, I said "hours later lol". I dont really mind since I just want a friend...and I rib any of my friends when they take forever to respond. Anyways we texted more tonight about general stuff and she goes "Listen, Im sorry for late and lame responses. I thought I was an amazing texter, but with you I feel it would be better in person you know? So monday we gonna work out if you want and maybe chill afterwards?" I dunno, but that came off to me like a girl who might be kinda feeling me, and took the initiative to ask me to hang out. Thoughts on true opposite sex friends youve had in the past? (no sexual attraction of either side) Thoughts on my situation and how to respond to this girl so I can beat around the bush that I wanna chill as friends? And shes a nice girl and not unattractive but I just gotta keep my priorities straight for once. And to the guys, Im very serious about a dating break. Edited April 13, 2014 by kaylan
ja123 Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 I agree with your third paragraph, Kaylan. Though not impossible, it is hard to maintain platonic friendship with the opposite sex. Have you thought of trying to find a lesbian friend, so you really can keep it platonic? Anyhow, your last paragraph is probably what you should tell her right off the bat, just so she doesn't get the wrong idea. You might also want to invite her just to hang out with you and your friends whilst doing some kind of group activity. Good luck! 1
Candy_Pants Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Can't you tell her straight up? You might BOTH be misunderstanding texts (it's easy to do).
bluegreen Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 I agree with your third paragraph, Kaylan. Though not impossible, it is hard to maintain platonic friendship with the opposite sex. Have you thought of trying to find a lesbian friend, so you really can keep it platonic? Anyhow, your last paragraph is probably what you should tell her right off the bat, just so she doesn't get the wrong idea. You might also want to invite her just to hang out with you and your friends whilst doing some kind of group activity. Good luck! He's got point : ))) what do you think of it ?
sagetalk Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Thoughts on my situation and how to respond to this girl so I can beat around the bush that I wanna chill as friends? And shes a nice girl and not unattractive but I just gotta keep my priorities straight for once. And to the guys, Im very serious about a dating break. Getting put in the friendzone is the easiest thing in the world unless you look like a male model. Just hang out with her and talk about how cool she is, but don't touch her or give off any sexual tension. Women who like you really hate that stuff.
RonaldS Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 I don't think it's difficult to be friends with the opposite sex. I have tons of female friends, we hang out, it's cool, it's fun, it's easy. To me, women are people, not sex toys. Therefore, it's simple to just be friends. Even when there is attraction....even when there is mutual attraction....it's not hard to flip the switch to 'off' and just leave it at that. For instance, I have a girl friend who I am totally attracted to. We've always had a good, easy going friendship. I mean, we don't hang out a lot, but when we do, it's a good time. Well, last summer we were texting and she had been drinking. She let it slip that she was attracted to me and wanted to know I was attracted to her. I responded by saying that of course I was attracted to her, but I viewed her as a friend and would treat her as such. Now, do I want to bang her? Of course! She's hot. But I won't, because she's a friend and that's it. We still hang out and it's not awkward, even though we both revealed that we were attracted to each other.
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