DontBreakEven Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Yes, I miss the dreams of the future, and the kisses, the talk of babies and all that. But most of all, I miss my afternoon phone call. I miss my Walking Dead marathon partner. I miss my Friday night I'm too tired to do anything let's go grab a bite to eat and be in bed by 9pm buddy. It sucks because we cannot be just this. We also cannot be life partners. So therefore we can be nothing, I know. We are nothing, and have been nothing for over 3 months now. I have been feeling a bit better lately. Literally one week I went from saying I was 5% healed to probably saying I am now 25% healed. I am taking steps to move on (not dating or really looking - I am not ready for that), but healthy steps. Hanging out a lot with friends, joining a weekend kickball league, getting a new puppy. But at the end of the day, I still go home alone from my outings. I wish that she was a part of my puppy's life. We had a dog together and she insisted on taking her when she left, so after I felt I had enough grieving time, I drove 12 hours to go pick up the cutest puppy I could've snatched right out of a magazine. The dog really is amazing. Tonight she heard me crying and came over and pressed her face to my cheek and was whimpering and licking my tears. It's like she's my angel. But she's also a big reminder to me that I am moving on. And moving on really is a whole new type of hurt, especially when it was something that you really didn't choose to do, but were basically left with no choice but to. I am forced to start over. Am I trying to make the best of it? Very much so. But I harbor a bit of resentment over it. Anyway, I'm rambling now. I've been kind of living off the excitement of the new puppy for the past 2 weeks, and tonight I think I just got exhausted and my emotions have caught up with me. I just wish I had someone to hang out each night. I wish it were her, but I never want to chase affection from someone who does not want to give me it. So now I think I'm just wishing it were someone - not necessarily her. I miss my best friend. But I know that she no longer exists. I guess now I just miss having a best friend. The puppy will have to do for now. 3
VeronicaRoss Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Take care of that puppy into their oldest age and you will be an angel and impress one heck of a lot of valuable women!
realfriends Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 When we face a break up, we not only lose a loved one, but we lose out best friend. Its hard but you will find a new best friend and they will be even better than your old one. Hang in there. Sounds like you are staying strong.
Omei Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 I hate three cats one from each breakup Haha isn't that wild? But it helps soooo much to put all your love into something else.
Kittiecat41 Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 I am sorry for your loss and grief, for that is what it is. You have had someone who was special who is no longer part of your life and you are grieving for her loss. I know it is said many times and is easy to say but time does heal. You will never forget her but the pain of the loss will ease with time. You sound like you are coping so well but no one can be strong all the time. We all need moments to let go, break down and cry. Its all part of the healing process. Sometimes you will feel like you are winning the battle, sometimes you will feel like you are losing. Eventually the good days will outnumber the bad ones. You will meet someone else in time who will fill your life with joy again. Keep reminding yourself that this feeling wont last forever. It *will* get better and you *can* do it. Hang in their and enjoy the love your new puppy gives you!
Lifegoezon Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Anyone who's been in an ltr that had settled into a comfortable domestic routine (rather than the initial getting to know you dating stage) recognises this grief. A lot of it is to do with missing the routine or activities we shared as much as missing the person. You're doing really well and it will get better. There will be someone else in your future to share those things with. Someone who is truly right for you... and your puppy!
learning_slowly Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 I know where you're coming from, as I get pangs in the heart where you feel like you can't breathe. I wake up at nights, wanting to cry but not even really knowing why. But I've been here before and it does get better. The hardest bit is trying to kill the hope that she'll change her mind. She said she couldn't meet me to discuss breaking up as she couldn't handle the feelings! But we have to look at the big picture, don't live in the past. Wishing does not turn back time.
Author DontBreakEven Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 The hardest bit is trying to kill the hope that she'll change her mind. She said she couldn't meet me to discuss breaking up as she couldn't handle the feelings! Ha yeah. I don't feel like mine will change her mind but I do think she will regret. I know the feeling ... I had no closure from her, just "I cannot articulate my thoughts". I mean oh well. I know there has to be someone better out there for me, because someone who cannot articulate her thoughts in not compatible with me at all. I just have no idea when/where/if I will ever meet this person. In the meantime, I miss my old domestic routine. At least I knew what to expect. Now I just feel lost; untethered. I'm not a fan of that feeling, and it does cause me to wake up in the middle of the night and want to cry. At this point when I cry, I'm unsure what I am crying for anymore. I refuse to cry out for someone who doesn't want to be with me. I guess I'm just crying from loneliness. I don't know anymore. Life is hard.
Popsicle Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Oh yes. I've been there. It was really really hard but you know what? I got through it. I staggered through life day by day without my best friend and it took a while, but I got through it. There is hope.
Kittiecat41 Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Ha yeah. I don't feel like mine will change her mind but I do think she will regret. I know the feeling ... I had no closure from her, just "I cannot articulate my thoughts". I mean oh well. I know there has to be someone better out there for me, because someone who cannot articulate her thoughts in not compatible with me at all. I just have no idea when/where/if I will ever meet this person. In the meantime, I miss my old domestic routine. At least I knew what to expect. Now I just feel lost; untethered. I'm not a fan of that feeling, and it does cause me to wake up in the middle of the night and want to cry. At this point when I cry, I'm unsure what I am crying for anymore. I refuse to cry out for someone who doesn't want to be with me. I guess I'm just crying from loneliness. I don't know anymore. Life is hard. I know its not much comfort but when you do finally meet the right person you will know. They wont treat you like your ex did, if theres a problem, theyll want to sort it out and move on, not dump you and flee the scene. I know its hard to stomach now but someday you will look back without grief and realise that it just wasnt meant to be. Short term, try to fill your life with joy to replace the joy that your relationship gave you. Fill your free time with friends, family, hobbies, food that you enjoy, things that bring you happiness. Even something like the simple affection from a pet can be comforting, as you know from your new puppy. I am confident you will come out of this a stronger person. You should be too. 1
organizedchaos Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Yeah, OP, I can relate to a lot of this too. I miss our Sunday nights. She'd come over, I'd make dinner, and we'd settle in on the couch watching Game of Thrones and Mad Men. Well, both shows are back now, I'm making dinner, but it's just me. I wonder if she's remembering our Sunday nights too. 3
TrappedWanderer Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Same here. The friend part of losing a romantic relationship is the worst, most gut-wrenching part of it all. I'm doing a lot better now (5 months out)-and going to move next month for a new job, so very much looking forward to a fresh start. But it is bittersweet when those everyday things that I used to share with him pop up, and I realize he's not there to share with and enjoy them anymore. I'm starting to look at it, though, as when these moments pop up-and I can think back to the good memories and appreciate them for what they were without getting angry/upset over the awful person he turned out to be-as progress. I'm happy to have had those experiences, sad that they are no longer in the present, but hopeful to have new experiences with someone who will appreciate them just as much. 1
offcloudnine Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 6 months out here and it was going well until a recent relapse. I have to say I feel the same way to many here, that losing the best friend that I wanted to share everything with was probably the worst part of losing her. Every time something happens in my life I want her to be the first person I tell, but of course I can't do that anymore. I hope time will make things easier but I've started to think that she is no longer the person that was my best friend and those memories and experiences I've had with the person that she once was or could've been will always be with me in spirit and maybe, just maybe that's good enough for me to carry on my life without looking back wishing what if. 1
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