rhimix Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 My boyfriend just broke up with me two days ago. It came out of nowhere and he did it terribly (over the phone literally right after I got out of my last class of the week and was still at school). He said he still wanted to be friends but I told him I couldn't, wished him luck and said good-bye. I have unfriended him on Facebook and have deleted his number from my phone to keep down the urge to call or text him. I have decided to do no contact in order to heal and it's been two days and I've been up and down but overall alright. But he just texted me asking for his school ID which he left at my place, which he needs to pick in order to pick up his graduation tickets. His text was very polite and he said he knows I probably won't want to see him so I could leave his ID at a certain office at our school. He asked me to "please let him know". Would it be completely petty of me to not respond? Of course, I am going to drop the ID off at the office but the thought of replying to him, even if I were to just say "ok" is excruciating. I'm worried that he will try to start a conversation, or even worse, that he will not try at all, which would be devastating since I miss him so much. I think he knows I'm not a monster - I'm not going to keep him from getting his family to his college graduation. I already deleted the text so I can't respond, but I'm 99% sure he will try again. Would it be alright if I continue no contact in this situation, or would it be absolutely horrible of me?
zyketti Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 I'm a proponent of always trying to be the better and bigger person. All breakups are harsh, and appears to happen at the worst of times. I think, to be honest, he (and a lot of dumpers) deserve the decency for a simple OK and telling him the location of where the ID is dropped in this case...
Author rhimix Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 yeah I just honestly felt like I was going to vomit when I realized he texted me. Another thought - I am still friends with his mom on facebook. He has been living at home this past semester to save money for a big post-graduation move. Would it be fair if I messaged her the information instead and did not reply to him?
Simon Phoenix Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 yeah I just honestly felt like I was going to vomit when I realized he texted me. Another thought - I am still friends with his mom on facebook. He has been living at home this past semester to save money for a big post-graduation move. Would it be fair if I messaged her the information instead and did not reply to him? Sure, that'd be better. Or just drop it off at his house at a time you know he won't be around.
Lifegoezon Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Sure, that'd be better. Or just drop it off at his house at a time you know he won't be around. Agreed. And then unfriend his mum. You don't need that contact or window on his life.
Author rhimix Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 Agreed. Thank you. A update; he did not try to text me again, but he did send a very long and manipulative message to my mom on facebook (basically making himself out to be the victim, that "only time will tell" if we can ever be together and making it sound like he had tried to contact me a lot over the matter even though he only sent me one text message and then finally wrapping with a jab over the fact that I don't "even want to be facebook friends") and unfortunately my mom responded to him informing him that "I was extremely upset and needed space" (UGH I love my mom but why. I really wish she had told me first before responding -_-). SO. I have decided that I will send his mom a polite message over facebook, but since I know he will not be able to pick up his ID until Tuesday, I am not going to send the information until Monday night in order to make him sweat a little. While I know this is definitely petty, when we were together he used to constantly ignore me for long periods of time in the middle of fights he initiated. Thus, I figure this will be my last hurrah before cutting him out of my life for good.
d0nnivain Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 NC isn't about game playing. It's about not game playing. Although all of his other behavior was wrong -- breaking up with you via phone & crying to your mom -- you had the opportunity to take the high road & you blew it. Take the ID to whereever he asked you to drop it & communicate to him that you did so. Period. No personal crap. No acknowledgment of anything just a simple text that says Dropped your ID at campus police / lost & found / the bursar or whereever he asked you to put it. Then you go back to radio silence. What you are doing now is petty.
Author rhimix Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 NC isn't about game playing. It's about not game playing. Although all of his other behavior was wrong -- breaking up with you via phone & crying to your mom -- you had the opportunity to take the high road & you blew it. Take the ID to whereever he asked you to drop it & communicate to him that you did so. Period. No personal crap. No acknowledgment of anything just a simple text that says Dropped your ID at campus police / lost & found / the bursar or whereever he asked you to put it. Then you go back to radio silence. What you are doing now is petty. I just realized that before I came back to this thread. I should have told him directly, you are right, but I already sent a message to his mom saying I am dropping off the ID as soon as possible (campus is not open until tomorrow morning) and I thanked her for all her kindness towards me and wished her well (I did like her a lot). It was extremely hard, but he and his family deserve to know he will be getting his ID back.
Author rhimix Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 I just wound up breaking no contact big time :[ I felt so guilty for making things so childish and contacting his mom that I sent him a text explaining myself, that I am going to drop his ID off, and then requesting a 100% clean break and asking him to not respond to my text message. I don't know. Maybe that was a terrible decision. He said in his message to my mom that he still cares about me and thinks maybe time can change things and we were just "being pulled in different directions". I feel like it's only a temporary break. But maybe that's just false hope. I don't know. I am always the one who comes around first when we fight so I feel so freaking stupid x( And the thing is I deleted it right after I sent it (on an iPhone) but I'm not 100% sure if it delivered or not so I have no idea how to find out if he even got it or not. UGH! This is horrible and I'm loosing my mind
d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Nobody thinks straight after a break up. I'm glad you are returning the ID. As for the rest of it, what's done is done. Don't beat yourself up.
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