Gaeta Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 My requirements is that the guy Does not drink, smoke, or do drugs, doesn't have or want kids. Wants to get married. Your mom thinks you're too picky lol, she wants you to date ex addicts with babies left and right? Nothing wrong with your requirements.
sagetalk Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 My requirements is that the guy Does not drink, smoke, or do drugs, doesn't have or want kids. Wants to get married. That's some extremely low requirements. There are other things going on here.
MidwestUSA Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 IIR, mom's suggestion was to loosen up the requirement for the long, 'musician' type hair. 2
Eivuwan Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 If you want a high quality man, you need to be a high quality woman. Sorry to be harsh, but with no education and no job, most quality men aren't going to be attracted to you. 2
RonaldS Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Now they are too old and the only men they can get is someone who is divorced and hence not good at relationships Guy, really? Have you ever been married? I'm guessing 'no'. I have been married once, and am now divorced. Who is worse at relationships? The one who had one that didn't work out for a lifetime, or the guy who never had one? This reminds me of when Michael Jordan played for the Washington Wizards at the end of his career. He was almost 40, and his game wasn't what it used to be. I remember guys at the gym where I play BB were cracking on him for sucking. I just asked all of them to show me just one paycheck stub from their days of getting paid to hoop. To their credit, most of them shut up. Same thing. Forever is a LOOOOONG time, stud. It's really tough to pull off. A marriage failing often has little to do with a person's relationship aptitude. Many times, the relationship ends up changing and becoming untenable, and people who have something to live for often make the executive decision to move forward with their lives rather than spend the rest of their existence trying to make chicken soup out of chicken sh*t. But I guess I wouldn't expect somebody who has never done it to understand any of the nuance. It's just easier for the uninitiated to say, 'that person is divorced...they're bad at relationships'. 1
bobsmith76 Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 It's just easier for the uninitiated to say, 'that person is divorced...they're bad at relationships'. If you do not measure being good at relationships as being able to continue the relationship then what metric do you use to measure the aptitude of being good at relationships?
hasaquestion Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 My requirements is that the guy Does not drink, smoke, or do drugs, doesn't have or want kids. Wants to get married. I don't mean to be cruel but being 27, not having an education or a job and living at home are all pretty major deal breakers for a lot of men. Even worse? You want a guy who is low-key, stable, and relationship minded. That kind of guy is more likely to judge you harshly for not having a job than most. Yes, people will make "exceptions" to standards. But only after seeing enough to be willing to make an exception. That's a catch-22 that both men and women face - you need your foot through the door to make up for "deal breakers" and you aren't going to get it. My honest advice? Until you improve on the professional front, your "resume" will keep getting tossed out before you get a chance to make a case for yourself. Forget about relationships and fix that first. M.O.B. Money over b*****. Well in your case you replace b****** with something equally derogatory and gender appropriate for men but the sentiment applies.
RonaldS Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 (edited) If you do not measure being good at relationships as being able to continue the relationship then what metric do you use to measure the aptitude of being good at relationships? Continuing the relationship and the length of it's life have nothing to do with being good at relationships. My ex in-laws have been together for 40 years. They must be great at relationships. Sure....except they're both terrible at relationships and they pretty much hate each other. They would never end the relationship because of societal (read: church and church friends) pressure, and at this point, no reason for either of them to leave. That ship sailed decades ago. But I watch them closely, and have for 15 years. Their relationship is awful...abusive and one-sided. But hey, 40 years....they must be good at it. Meanwhile, in the real world... I think I am pretty good at relationships. I understand how to be supportive, equitable, and loving. I understand how to communicate...to resolve issues, to establish and confirm my boundaries, to meet the needs of my partner. I know how to work with another and how to compromise. I'm hardly perfect, but it's a system that works. But it takes two. So, by your logic, I'm not good at relationships because I'm divorced. But the reality is that my XW was very bad at relationships. Terrible, as a matter of fact. Now, because the relationship changed adversely and couldn't be fixed, I'm now not good at relationships because I made the decision not to spend the rest if my life being unhappy? Seriously? There are numerous metrics to use to determine relationship aptitude. Time spent honoring a contract is not really one of them. Does staying in a bad relationship because one is too afraid or stubborn to leave mean one has a greater relationship aptitude than somebody who hits a point where the relationship is too bad to stay in and unfixable? I'm not perfect in relationships, but I'm good at them. That's why practically every woman I date wants to be in a relationship with me...they know what to look for, and they know I have it. To their chagrin, though, I have ZERO desire to be in a serious relationship. Edited April 13, 2014 by RonaldS 1
Armegoggon Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 My requirements is that the guy Does not drink, smoke, or do drugs, doesn't have or want kids. Wants to get married. Only those requirements? Oh that's not hard to find especially considering you live in a state that is ~1/3 of my country's population (you'd guess lol). Personally I meet all requirements but feels too young for marriage.
hoping2heal Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 It depends what you mean by "picky". There is a difference between standards, preferences, and someone who is unusually critical of others; cannot tolerate flaws (even implied / perceived) that are general, normal. There are also people who "want it all" but bring very little to the table relationship wise so they are going to have a more difficult time too. I don't really know where you fall on the scale with your picky behavior.
Adele0908 Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 My requirements is that the guy Does not drink, smoke, or do drugs, doesn't have or want kids. Wants to get married. Not an expert but what I think is that you have to determine what kind of man you want. Envision what that guy would be like. Get a clear picture in your mind. Then you have to ask yourself what kind of woman that man would be attracted to long term. Then be honest with yourself and see what you need to work on within yourself or even on your appearance to become the woman that the man would be attracted to. If you are really serious about it, sign up for lessons from a dating coach or read a book that could help you towards your goal. I used to have a similar problem, where I couldn't attract a decent man for some years. I had to work on myself and I still continue to do so. I sought advice from professionals. I don't care what people say, when you need help in relationships there is no shame in getting help. I'm seeing an increase in the number of men I attract and the quality of men that I attract. I will also say this, having a career or passion that you enjoy would likely increase your attractiveness, because you would be happier. So focus on that.
TXGuy Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 (edited) Are those really all of your standards? What about him being able to drive? You two have to get around somehow. What about him having a job (or a pile of money)? In order to go on dates, drive around, and eventually move in together, someone needs to bring in the dollars. If not you, then it has to be him. Otherwise, you are restricted to dating guys that live with (and off of)their mom that are in walking distance of you. I think your listed criteria are reasonable, but I suspect you probably have additional criteria, if you are being realistic. Edited April 14, 2014 by TXGuy
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