Mommame2 Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Many of you know my story. I'm the bread winner. Living away from family. Marital problems are large... My 8 year just told me that he was talking to his dad about moving to HIS parents town (across the country). I am flabbergasted. He said they were talking about moving because they have extreme allergies. What is proper protocol here? I would like to strangle my DH.
KaliLove Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Many of you know my story. I'm the bread winner. Living away from family. Marital problems are large... My 8 year just told me that he was talking to his dad about moving to HIS parents town (across the country). I am flabbergasted. He said they were talking about moving because they have extreme allergies. What is proper protocol here? I would like to strangle my DH. That seems fair... Have you confronted your husband?
ThatMan Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 That seems fair... Have you confronted your husband? That sort of confrontation is unacceptable. You could simply call your state's board and ask for referral services to qualified lawyers.
MidwestUSA Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 I've said this before, but, you need to find a way to cut down the amount of time your son and H have together. Get that lazy ass H out into a FT job (preferable with travel, as I said before. ). Your son has way too much time to pick up on H's habits, thoughts and ways of looking at the world. I hope you're spending a lot of quality time with your son to hopefully balance out/negate H's influence. How are the thoughts on divorce progressing?
Author Mommame2 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 I have been wishy Washy on divorce. I get upset and think yes it is inevitable. I have wanted to have emotional affairs. I feel like I'm spiraling out of control. Then I come home and see husband and son together and decide I just need to get stronger and pull this family together. Then this happened today and I thought wow now he is trying to get us (or them) to move to one of the most depressed cities in the country! Part of me wants to say... Sure go. I'll just stay here and work and get my head back on my shoulders. Maybe my son would be better off w/o me?
KaliLove Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 That sort of confrontation is unacceptable. You could simply call your state's board and ask for referral services to qualified lawyers. Wow..I thought it was clear that I was joking about the strangling...apparently not...
Author Mommame2 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 So am I a complete moron for believing that this was a harmless conversation between husband and son? My DH says that he did not say we were moving there, but that it just came up because son wanted to leave near his Grandparents. Husband said they would never move without me and definitely without me having that breadwinner job.... I told him that I would prefer they don't have those conversations without me and DH talking first. DH didn't respond. He just changed the subject.
KaliLove Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 No, you're not a moron. What does your gut tell you?
MidwestUSA Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 (edited) Have you and your H EVER had an effective means of communication? What brought you together in the first place, how did you get along in the beginning? I ask because some of the stuff you post seems so basic (whose fault is it my stuff got left in my car when he took it?) You have child with this man. It's time to get your act together. Asking yourself if your son might be better off without you? Something's inherently wrong with you (no offense), and your way of thinking, not just with the marriage. Get into IC. Your son's in his formative years. If not for the marriage, do it for him. It's like you're just ready to roll over. Edited April 13, 2014 by MidwestUSA
TAV Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Have you and your H EVER had an effective means of communication? What brought you together in the first place, how did you get along in the beginning? I ask because some of the stuff you post seems so basic (whose fault is it my stuff got left in my car when he took it?) You have child with this man. It's time to get your act together. Asking yourself if your son might be better off without you? Something's inherently wrong with you (no offense), and your way of thinking, not just with the marriage. Get into IC. Your son's in his formative years. If not for the marriage, do it for him. It's like you're just ready to roll over. OP, I feel for you, let me say that first. But I also recognize how a child is being put in the middle of all this because, indeed, communication between you and your husband is a struggle. I grew up as the 'negotiator/intermediary' for my parents who also had great difficulty communicating like normal people. It has had a long-term effect on me and not a positive one. Please, since you are the more mature one of the two, do what's right. Take your son out of this situation. You might think you are doing him a favour keeping the family together, but this is not what a loving family looks like. 3
Smilecharmer Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 This is dysfunctional. Never stay in a toxic situation because of your children, they won't appreciate it later. Time to contact your lawyer and divorce. I read some of your posts and this marriage is a sham. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. It isn't fair to you.
Author Mommame2 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 Thank you TAV. I see a lot of truth in what you say.. I agree that my gumption is based on trying to provide for my family. I have had horrendous problems with my family of origin so I am a fighter. I want to succeed. However I also recognize that I am acting immature in some ways. I am struggling to stand up for what's right. I am in IC for that and my therapist heard my struggles (more than what is posts here) and she said it was a miracle that I am a sane person ... Successfully employed. She is working with me on codependency. I believe our sessions are too short. I need this work. There are some mornings I awake feeling strong and ready to fight for what I have learned is right. And others I succumb to just keeping the peace. I am trying to grow. I feel it's difficult to be everything. I want to stay home with my son and pull us out of debt. And be stronger.. But all are individual struggles. I'm trying. Part of the reason I said maybe it's better for them to just go without me was that I feel helpless. But being without my son would kill me. I love him so much. I just know I can't be everything for this family, although I am trying. I am currently working to find alternative supplemental income so I can change my hours. IF I can do that I will probably have strength to tell my DH to take a hike if he can't keep up with me. I want the best. I don't want to settle... OP, I feel for you, let me say that first. But I also recognize how a child is being put in the middle of all this because, indeed, communication between you and your husband is a struggle. I grew up as the 'negotiator/intermediary' for my parents who also had great difficulty communicating like normal people. It has had a long-term effect on me and not a positive one. Please, since you are the more mature one of the two, do what's right. Take your son out of this situation. You might think you are doing him a favour keeping the family together, but this is not what a loving family looks like. 1
Author Mommame2 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 I should also say ... I started having panic attacks. I told my husband today that they are becoming common. I told him I have then on the air. (Live tv) and have to talk myself down. His response? "That's got to be weird. Did you get dizzy?" I said yes. He changed the subject. That can't be a common response.
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