TalesoftheWireMonkey Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 There is always a battle in each of us between what our heart feels and what our brain knows. It's hard to get over those feelings. Three months doesn't seem that long, I've carried the pangs of rejection for a much longer time than that. When you've really loved someone and it ends they take a little piece of you away with them. There's no good authentic advice. The usual things- try to occupy your mind, do some casual dating, alter your routine and where you hang-out. YES, It does BLOW!!!
cpbr Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 (edited) I feel the same. With my ex, rough time came...and even when we promissed each other we will make it, that we only need some time to get back on a track...next day she started dating her friend and after that she broke up with me. I ony found out because after the break up she returned me my camera that she has borrowed. I got suspicious and I restored deleted images...that is how I found what really happend. That stupid bitch. I should hate her. But I still love her and I hope we could be back together sometimes... ///And I feel really terrible to say this, but sometimes I think the only solution to all of this would be only her death. That would make sure there would be no chance of us getting back together. No chance of her dating whith that guy she left me for. And if she should die, I may feel slightly sad but I won't cry. Edited April 20, 2014 by cpbr
Mr.Pine Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 I feel the same. With my ex, rough time came...and even when we promissed each other we will make it, that we only need some time to get back on a track...next day she started dating her friend and after that she broke up with me. For the love of anything resembling logical and sound reasoning...she did not "start" dating anyone the next day. She was already dating her friend weeks and/or months before she went public with this guy. It may have just been emotional dating, but she was already setting the groundwork. The quicker you get that, the quicker you will heal.
STM206 Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 Give it time, 3 months is still fresh. I've had the thought that maybe if my exes new partner would cheat on him or something drastic like that... It would wake him up and make him realize what a good person he passed up on but at the same time - waiting won't bring him back. The heart fighting the mind is so annoying.
Mr.Pine Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 Give it time, 3 months is still fresh. I've had the thought that maybe if my exes new partner would cheat on him or something drastic like that... It would wake him up and make him realize what a good person he passed up on but at the same time - waiting won't bring him back. The heart fighting the mind is so annoying. So, in essence, you are hoping upon hope to be your ex's rebound? I really need to find a new place to frequent. These posts are getting increasingly ridiculous.
johnson_j Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 About the same here today. Last wk the ex asked for a (completely inappropriate) favor, and after some back and forth I agreed to help to an extent, and she didn't even say thanks. Totally a user. And that makes it harder to understand why I'm sitting here missing something that was never quite right. Plus the grey cool weather doesn't help with motivation to get out and do anything.
cpbr Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 For the love of anything resembling logical and sound reasoning...she did not "start" dating anyone the next day. She was already dating her friend weeks and/or months before she went public with this guy. It may have just been emotional dating, but she was already setting the groundwork. The quicker you get that, the quicker you will heal. I know. But it hurts she told me we'll make it. Sometimes I feel like I only want her back for revenge. It was all so disgusting from her. And the fact that the person I loved was not real her... I don't know how I'll make it through. I never really trusted people, but now I trust them even less. You know, it is like "who can I trust now if I shouldn't trust her in the first place?".
STM206 Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 (edited) So, in essence, you are hoping upon hope to be your ex's rebound? I really need to find a new place to frequent. These posts are getting increasingly ridiculous. Like I said the heart and mind are always clashing... In my mind I know the reality of it, in my heart I still wish things would turn out differently. I don't hope to be my exes rebound, I hope for him to come the realization that his new partner is the actual rebound. I do believe this place is a place to vent and share how you REALLY feel... I don't think anyone should be shamed for being human, for actually having love in their heart after a long term relationship. It sjows Too many people on this world have this "meh, not feeling it anymore, moving on" attitude... It's no wonder there's that fear for those who actually love unconditionally to open their hearts again. Edited April 20, 2014 by STM206 1
cpbr Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 I agree. And it helps termendously to know I'm not the only one feeling like this today, having this fight between hearth and brain.
Mr.Pine Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 (edited) I do believe this place is a place to vent and share how you REALLY feel... I don't think anyone should be shamed for being human, for actually having love in their heart after a long term relationship. You can share and vent to your heart's content. But you have to know that the people that read what you vent and share are going to share and vent their feelings as well. Some of us sugarcoat the advice, others are blunt as fook. I, apparently, show up in the latter category. Having "love in your heart" doesn't mean you have to have emptiness in your brain. Waiting at home for your ex to be dumped so they can have an epiphany that you were the one is beyond comprehension. Instead, why don't you stop moping and end the hoping and find someone more suitable and compatible for you. There. I vented and shared all in one post. Edited April 20, 2014 by Mr.Pine
STM206 Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 You can share and vent to your heart's content. But you have to know that the people that read what you vent and share are going to share and vent their feelings as well. Some of us sugarcoat the advice, others are blunt as fook. I, apparently, show up in the latter category. Having "love in your heart" doesn't mean you have to have emptiness in your brain. Waiting at home for your ex to be dumped so they can have an epiphany that you were the one is beyond comprehension. Instead, why don't you stop moping and end the hoping and find someone more suitable and compatible for you. There. I vented and shared all in one post. I respect and understand where you're coming from. Everyone is different in how they process things - for me personally maybe it has to do with the fact that this was my first relationship and the first time I fell in love - like they say - the first cut is always the deepest. How long was it before you got over your ex if you don't mind my asking?
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 I respect and understand where you're coming from. Everyone is different in how they process things - for me personally maybe it has to do with the fact that this was my first relationship and the first time I fell in love - like they say - the first cut is always the deepest. How long was it before you got over your ex if you don't mind my asking? Probably should create your own thread for your own questions. Threadjacking sucks. OP..its been three months. Not that long. It will take more.time to fully heal. 1
STM206 Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 Probably should create your own thread for your own questions. Threadjacking sucks. OP..its been three months. Not that long. It will take more.time to fully heal. I've created numerous threads on the matter lol. I figured it was okay to have a discussion in an existing one but if the original poster prefers me to do so, totally understandable.
Mr.Pine Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 How long was it before you got over your ex if you don't mind my asking? That depends on which ex you're referring to. Some exes I got over instantaneously. Others, I still have a soft spot for. There is no internal emotional calendar you can go by to get over someone. For me, the day that you forget to remember them, is the day you finally get over them.
lolablue17 Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 Sometimes you have to hit the ground in order to be able to climb and build your self again. So if NC takes you backwards rather than forward, try a different approach. Renew contact with her. It can lead to 1. You are feeling better. 2. you are feeling much worse. but the extremism of your bad feelings will force you to lose hope and might lead you to a new stage, from there you will be able to move on, realy to move on, not like now.
learning_slowly Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 I don't think you ever forget them. Youre over them when you can see a photo of them and not feel pain. Ideally try and forgive them, even if you think they are at fault. We are all human and make mistakes. Once you have forgiven them and yourself, you should bè able to love again. 1
Trovador Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 Sometimes you have to hit the ground in order to be able to climb and build your self again. So if NC takes you backwards rather than forward, try a different approach. Renew contact with her. It can lead to 1. You are feeling better. 2. you are feeling much worse. but the extremism of your bad feelings will force you to lose hope and might lead you to a new stage, from there you will be able to move on, realy to move on, not like now. Worst advice ever... Please, never advice to break NC... you don't know how infinitely worse is the pain at being rejected once again, you can't imagine the crushing of the heart, the bleeding of the soul, the splitting of the human spirit and I could cite a hundred metaphors more but you would stay the same... Don't pay her any attention, folks... 1
lolablue17 Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 (edited) Worst advice ever... Please, never advice to break NC... you don't know how infinitely worse is the pain at being rejected once again, you can't imagine the crushing of the heart, the bleeding of the soul, the splitting of the human spirit and I could cite a hundred metaphors more but you would stay the same... Don't pay her any attention, folks... It's o.k. to disagree with the content, But let's focus on the style for a minute. 1. When you say never advice NC, You say never ever never ever in any situation on earth, right? Well, I always have a better trust in people who listen first to the specific situation first, before declaring slogans no matter what the circumstances are. 2. You are so sure I "don't know the pain". and I "can't imagine" the crushing... You allow yourself to make those absolute assumptions - On what ground? Have the thought maybe i do know and experienced a lot (How old are you?) crossed your mind? I have a better trust in people who admit they know less, than people who "know everything" about other people while they know realy nothing. 3. When you suggest only one possible solution to every break-up, heart breaking, being dumped ect... it's sounds like a religion to me. the religion style gets stronger when i read your intimidations, like every other religion in the world, all based on intimidations ("if you don't worship god, horrible things will happen to you"). And to the point... Maybe the OP should stay NC, maybe he shouldn't. not like you, I DON'T KNOW. I just offered another way of thinking to enrich his mind. Trovador, allow me to advice you: All the scientific knowledge in the world came through the modest assumption: "We don't know everything, lets try listen and learn". This is the opposite from religions who say "We know everything, and if there something we dont know, anyway we shouldn't know it, dont ask, just obey! You decide which method you take. (sorry for my poor english) Edited April 20, 2014 by lolablue17
hoping2heal Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 Let the tears out. It's only been 3 months. IIRC, she was also unfaithful? You have the loss of a relationship and infidelity to deal with. That's not likely going to go away in 3 months (Whichs always feels more like ten years when going through it). If she were to show up tomorrow on your doorstep begging for you back and you went for it, you would seen realize the true damage done. I said this to another poster; the RS would no longer be the same. The comfort of your partner would be there, but not too soon would your mistrust rear it's head (and rightfully so) and the RS would become a well of doubt and insecurity and anxiety. Not so fun, not so loving, not so happy. Which is why so many people have to get divorced after infidelity - even if they don't really want to on some some level. Because the doubt and anxiety is crazymaking to deal with and they just become tired and unhappy. Maybe it's poor to advise anyone to "think about" what it would be like to have an ex back. We're all just people talking to people on here, but maybe if you really think about how bad it would be that will help you? IDK shot in the dark time 1
Author CadeYeager Posted April 20, 2014 Author Posted April 20, 2014 Maybe it's poor to advise anyone to "think about" what it would be like to have an ex back. We're all just people talking to people on here, but maybe if you really think about how bad it would be that will help you? IDK I totally see where you're coming from. In fact I run the situation in my head every night of her coming back before I go to sleep. The RS is beyond broken. I could NEVER look at her the same. Sure we shared some very special experiences with each other, but this infidelity has tainted it all. It upsets me that she broke things off as quickly as she could. She would rather take the title of a "b*tch dumper" than a "cheater." Everyday I want to just call her out on her ****. I want to do that sooooo bad. But... I set myself above that bar. I just can't escape it. I want her to come back not so we can fix things, but so I could shoot her down... I don't want this grudge. I don't want to mss her. I want NOTHING to do with her.
Trovador Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Maybe the OP should stay NC, maybe he shouldn't No maybes here... the OP and we all dumpees must be on strict NC... It's not dogma, it's not religion, but it is salvation... Bye
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Maybe the OP should stay NC, maybe he shouldn't No maybes here... the OP and we all dumpees must be on strict NC... It's not dogma, it's not religion, but it is salvation... Bye Dont make it sound like a cult more than what some people already think it is. Salvation makes it sound like a religion. 1
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