CadeYeager Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 We ended on very bad terms. She wasn't right for me. Cheated in me. Broke two years over the phone. Exiled me from day one without a care. Already with someone new. Some days I hate her. Some days I miss her. Thoughts of her are disappearing and it makes me so sad. So many good memories, and for what? I'm torn guys
elseaacych Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Because you had good times with her, and in your mind right now, they are overriding the bad. Although, it sounds as though you've realized she wasn't right for you, and had lots of flaws. It's a good start. In time, and with distance, the last days of the relationship, and her subsequent actions will take up more of your mind, and you will be angry, but eventually you will find peace. TIme and distance, and treating yourself well. That's all you can do right now. 1
Author CadeYeager Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 It just makes me so sad. Someone I used to be so close with is gone. We no longer welcome each other's company.
sooshi Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 It is saddening, especially since things ended on such bad terms. I'm sorry you're hurting. Being cheated on is so painful.
Author CadeYeager Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 It's just been several weeks and I can't see an end to these feelings. I hate it. I just want to forget it all. Why the heck do I want her even though she hurt me so badly?
Kilty Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 It's just been several weeks and I can't see an end to these feelings. I hate it. I just want to forget it all. Why the heck do I want her even though she hurt me so badly? As has been said above it is natural feelings you are having. If you spend long enough with someone to have many good times then when it ends your mind only remembers the good times and not the bad. It's not good news but i was with someone for 5 years and it ended 10 years ago and i still get twinges. The only way you will completely forget an ex is by meeting someone new and the relationship works The danger of course is that it doesnt work and you end up thinking about your original ex but you have to keep trying till you find the right one
Mr.Pine Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Cheated in me. Already with someone new. I'm torn guys Well, of course you're torn. The woman cheated IN you. I would go seek medical attention for that. Sounds really painful. On a side note, she is not already with someone new. WAKE UP! She's been with that guy for months and only went public when she cheated in you. Damn, that sounds painful. I am doing Kegel exercises as I am typing this.
Author CadeYeager Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 Moving on throughout my day hurts so much. To me she died, but to everyone else she's alive and well. How do I deal with that? I've been doing NC by the books and the pain surges everyday. I don't want this false hope of reconciliation.
Kilty Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Moving on throughout my day hurts so much. To me she died, but to everyone else she's alive and well. How do I deal with that? Simple as has been said But there is only so many ways you can tell it Find someone new and better or keep trying till you do and exercise in between It makes you feel good about yourself and helps you sleep
hoping2heal Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 It's just been several weeks and I can't see an end to these feelings. I hate it. I just want to forget it all. Why the heck do I want her even though she hurt me so badly? Because, the truth is the whole of a person is complex and while infidelity can be enough to shake someone's trust in that person, even the bad doesn't (usually) undo all of the good. Someone once said to me "forever is a long time" in other words, someone can be a great partner for years. Loving, thoughtful, loyal, honest what have you and then one day they begin to change and something happens that is so unlike the previous years. Were the previous years "a lie, a sham" ? I don't think so, because I don't view people as stagnant. Our experiences continually shape us (imho) and we can one day make poor choices, just as we can one day make good ones. You hope that the person you fall in love with will continue to make the good choices, but there are no guarantees. 2
Author CadeYeager Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 I know time heals, it's just that I want it to happen now. I know that's not practical. I just find myself not being able to enjoy myself as much as I'd like when I'm doing things to keep my mind off of her. I just feel paralyzed to "love" again. It scares me to know that someone that can show you so much love, can do so much hurt without looking back.
zyketti Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 I know time heals, it's just that I want it to happen now. I know that's not practical. I just find myself not being able to enjoy myself as much as I'd like when I'm doing things to keep my mind off of her. I just feel paralyzed to "love" again. It scares me to know that someone that can show you so much love, can do so much hurt without looking back. I've been there in kind of similar situations. 7 year relationship down the drain with ex finding someone that she's still living with a week after the BU. You feel like you can't trust anybody with your heart. Every morning you get up and you can't move. You just panic and your heart races. You feel emotions rushing over your head and your heart feels ripped. I've been there, and I'm there again this time around. But… Someone will come around, and love just comes naturally, and you forget all about you not being able to trust someone else. 1
Author CadeYeager Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 Thanks for the help guys. Woke up this morning after having dreams about her all night. This sucks.... She broke my heart yet I miss her dearly. How the heck does that work? Chest gets heavy when I think about it.
Jiivy Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 My fianceé left me for some other guy after 7 years. She told me 2 weeks before the BU that she didn't know what she wanted any more, had met someone else and well...that's that. Two weeks ago she jumped in to bed with him. How the heck does that work indeed???? It's been 5 weeks now. I know that's not a long time, but I can promise you this - Every day is a living, breathing hell. I wake up and feel the weight of the last two months come crashing down on me. I barely sleep, barely eat and sit on autopilot at work. My chest is tight every minute of every day and everyone around me is sick to death of what I have to say. CadeYeager, you're not alone. We both suffer that same ache together. A couple of things have helped me though, maybe they can help you too. I read two books that immediately helped me build some cognative techniques to try and calmn my mind. Actually, they've both been increadibly effective: I can mend your broken heart - Paul McKenna (a cognative, short-term relief book for anxiety on the subject) The Journey from abandonment to healing - Susan Anderson (a more phsycological, long term outlook that really works the depths of your problem and helps long term recovery) Read up, I promise you that they'll help you to move on with me. Let's do this together. 2
Jay77098 Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Cade: I feel for you, as I have been going through the same thing. My ex broke my heart, pulling away from our relationship so suddenly it made my head spin. Everything was affection and caring, and the second she got some interest from another guy, she pulled away from me and never looked back. She lied to me, she showed no respect for my feelings, and I have been hurting ever since. But the good news is that I am starting to see her for exactly what she was: a fraud. She had me on the hook until she found someone she thought was better and as soon as that guy came along she left our relationship. That is low character. That is using someone to satisfy your own needs. And that is not the kind of person I want to be with. I have started to get angry at her, and the sweet memories of our time together have started to fade, being replaced by a kind of revulsion for what she is. Hang in there; you aren't alone. Keep visiting LS often. It has certainly been a huge help for me. Stay strong. Get mad. Move on. There are better women out there. 2
Author CadeYeager Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 Coming to terms, but still sad at points in the day. Can you guys help me with something? Why do all of the things we used to do together, feel like something that happened years ago? I mean we BU only 2-3 months ago and dated for 2 years. Everything should be fresh on my mind, right? But when I think about the good or bad times, it's hard to recall what happened.
Lyn77 Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 I want to share a message with you that someone once shared with me. Read it over and over again until it resonates with your spirit and you believe it. "You can't make her be interested in you. All you can do is accept it and move forward. Not living your life to the fullest is a disservice to yourself. You may have spent years together and have great memories, however, she is not your last chance. You deserve someone who is completely in love with you and appreciates all you have to offer. Being able to love someone even after they have broken your heart is a great thing. You are full of love and any girl would be blessed to have you." 2
Author CadeYeager Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 Thank you Lyn. It's just very weird how I feel right now. I knew that something wasn't right during the relationship. So I asked myself "Cade, are you really happy? Is this as good as it gets?" And I told myself yeah I do love her. I mean this is my first LTR. 2 YEARS. I mean that a 10th of my existence. But the way she went about things in the BU further solidified that that if she was going to act like this in a situation like this, obviously this is't right. Obviously I don't need that in my like and obviously this is more broken than I thought it was. 1
Michael 93 Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Cade: I know how you feel, believe me you are not the only one going through this. I totally understand where you are coming from, I mean my ex finished our 1 1/2 year relationship over the phone man! Two weeks later she was seeing someone who had showed her interest whilst with me.. I was like you, could not understand how she can show so little respect and forget about us as if we never existed. That is something we will never know the answer too unfortunately.. The thing that gives me comfort is knowing I tried literally everything to get that women back in my life, and It just wasn't good enough for her. The satisfaction being, If you know deep down you have showed her real love and gave her everything you possibly could and it wasn't good enough, then let her try and find what she needs man, you gave all you could... But believe me she will look back and realise that too..When speaking with my ex recently (now cut all contact) Her actual words were "Damn he isn't a patch on you" this was after calling me all the things in the world.. Just believe me let the dust settle and let her see things for what they really are.. I know now she never wanted me.. look at it in the same way.. If she wanted you, she would be right next to you. Keep going man, you are never too far from happiness.
johnson_j Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Cade - we've all been there, buddy. I'd say it's a good thing that things seem to have happened so long ago. That means that you're seeing a future without her. Which is the HARDEST darn thing to do right after a breakup. When my last girl walked away, I couldn't even see a future. All I saw was pain. But that's been a while back and now I am OK without her. There are days and times I wish things could be good again, but seeing how things really were vs. what I thought they were in my mind (the past is always crystal clear when you step back isn't it?) helps keep me on the right path. Any girl who cheats - which mine did (after telling me that if I did she would drop me immediately) - deserves exactly what they are going to get. And we both know what that is (and it sure is not happiness). 1
Author CadeYeager Posted April 15, 2014 Author Posted April 15, 2014 Is it wrong for me to want her to experience the pain that I felt? She just doesn't understand the raw emotion. She didn't have to go through the break up for she just ran into another guys arms. She's weak and a coward. I don't hate people, but she's close to being the first.
johnson_j Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Is it wrong for me to want her to experience the pain that I felt? She just doesn't understand the raw emotion. She didn't have to go through the break up for she just ran into another guys arms. She's weak and a coward. I don't hate people, but she's close to being the first. Cade, don't be a hater. Just be glad that you were able to walk away with your head held high and find someone who is deserving of your love and respect. And now you know how her "new" man is going to feel shortly if he develops feelings for her. She did it to you, she'll do it to him. Which is why I would NEVER be with a cheating woman.
Jiivy Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 2 years is a long long time, yes it's a 10th of your existence. But how many years on this earth do you think you'll live still? Let's put some perspective on this: *Most people with a western background and medicine live until they're around 85. *That means you spent roughly 1/40th of your life with that person. *Modern couples in western cultures don't have children / if any until their early thirties now...which means even before having kids, you've a decade ahead of you - living life as a twenty-something. *That's 5 times longer than your relationship, just before you reach the current average age for childbirth in young adults. *2 years ago you were in high school / graduating, usually to attend college. Let me ask you...who were you 2 years ago? How did your world look then? Do you think it was very different? And with the same stroke, can you even imagine your life in another 2 years, or 4 or even 10 years time? It's a complete and total free for all. One thing I know is that what we experienced in our heartbreak is a fraction of out being and an even smaller fraction of our becoming. I can't see my future, but somehow I know it's going to be totally different and likely I will be totally different too...maybe, just maybe I have something else on my mind then! 1
Sundancev1 Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 She's weak and a coward. I don't hate people, but she's close to being the first. “If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate.” ― C. JoyBell C. Hate is the reason, let it go.
Author CadeYeager Posted April 20, 2014 Author Posted April 20, 2014 Why can't I shake this? It's been 3 months since the BU and at some point of every single day I think about her. She hurt ME, why should I be thinking about her and in some ways want her back? I can't get rid of this false hope of her someday waking up a realizing the mistake she made. This morning is really hard for some reason. I feel the tear building up, but they aren't coming out. This BLOWS.
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