There's not one part of this I understand... What do I do!?

[Connorjaay]

Okay. This will probably be pretty long as I'm wanting to see if anyone has gone through something similar or anyone can help me get to the bottom of it.

 

I met this girl back in October(ish) time. We were very chatty with each other since the start. I don't think I even knew her name at this point, but we were still just talking away like I don't know what. After that meeting, I was obviously in her mind because a week and a bit later, she started tweeting me. She was drunk. She had no way of getting to me other than tweeting me. I didn't realise she was drunk, but she was pubicly talking to me in fornt of all her followers. She then started private messaging me. These messages never stopped for the next few weeks.. I mean that. There was no goodbyes or anything, we would just keep talking and talking.

We'd start getting to know each other quite well and I'll be the first to point out that at this point, it was 90% social network communication. We talked so much that we basically knew we were starting to like each other. I started flirting. In person as well, but I would stem most of it from messages as in teasnig her about stuff I would later do in person.. It worked haha. Granted, I didn't really know what i was doing I was just going for it. Eventually, it got to the stage where we were more sexting and teasing each other about kissing one another (we'd never actually kissed).

This went well as every time I saw her after that she was getting very close and acting well around me. Then there was the party.. I say "the" party because that's what her friends called it. Her friends came up to me and basically told me how much she liked me.. She liked me A LOT. That was the night I had to make the decision of whether or not I liked her.. I was still confused.

At the party I decided she was a good choice. I found her and we started holding each other and laughing etc when I just went for it. I kissed her. In front of whoever happened to be watching. I didn't care. And hey, either did she! She went for it haha.

I'd go into detail here, but basically we spent the whole night in each others arms and people where telling us to go home cause it's pointless kissing each other like that in front of everyone haha

After this, she started texting me when she got home. She wanted me round at her house in a few days. The only time she could get it free was if she missed going to see her family who live down south.. She chose seeing me. I felt honoured and well... special haha.

I should probably tell you one of the main issues here now before the next has you scraming at the screen asking why didn't I...? etc.

She has really bad social anxiety. Her mother died when she was six. Anyone with higher authority than her, she'll look to the ground and not have any eye contact. Eye contact was a big thing with her and once she knew I liked her, she was really good with me. She's also a virgin (as am I).

Right. I met her in the street as I didn't know my way to her house. She didn't go in for a hug so I didn't want to look silly and hug her anyway haha. She started talking about something and she was away.. Talking and talking. I was listening, but she opened up about everything relevant in her life at that moment.

We got in the door and she showed me to the living room. We sat down and we just talked to each other. I started touching her legs etc. Then it turned into play fighting. She put a film on, but neither of us watched it as we were too busy getting to know each other. Eventually I started getting closer on purpose and she started leaning into me. I shoved a pillow in her face to initiate the play fighting again and it worked to my advantage. She said it hurt her lip so I offered to kiss it better. That was it. The next few hours we were... yeah.

Then we cuddled and actually watched whatever was on. She was talking at first but then fell silent as she fell asleep on me. I had to wake her as I needed to go. She kissed me a lot more after I said that.

 

Twice more i went to her house and we more or less did the same thing. I think due to both of our lack of experience, we didn't know how to bring up having sex. I think we both wanted to.

She would hit me if I looked like I was sleeping etc we'd wrestle on the floor.

Then it took a turn.

I mentioned having a relationship. It wasn't a direct question but I was beating around the bush. After this she started being a little bit more distant. I invited her out on about 3 occasions and the excuses for not coming were fairly valid. I then stopped texting and she text me after two days. Then it started again. Being more distant.

I'm friends with one of er ex's friends and he made me angry by telling me that she always does this and that she'll play you etc etc a bunch of stuff like that.

I text her not long after that (still angry) asking what changed.

She didn't want to tell me as she kept changing the subject but about hours later I got it out of her that she feels different... here's the weird part - she doesn't know why. To this day she still tells me she doesn't know why.

We talked it out and I don't remember it fully, but she told me a was too special to go unnoticed by anyone and she doesn't understand why her feelings changed because she wishes she still felt the same. She said all I was, was nice to her so she doesn't know what changed. She ended it by telling me i was more than good enough for her.

Two weeks past and I didn't text or anything.

I'm a songwriter and I wrote her a song. She heard it at this point, but I don't think she knew it was about her.

I got in contact and asked if we could meet up. I needed to give her the lyrics so she agreed to meet me just around the corner from her house. We met and she started saying sorry and I said don't be because it's not your fault. I handed her the song and told her that I can't keep it because it means so much to me. She said thank you, hugged me and left. I didn't look behind me as I left.

That was two months ago and since then, we've had contact twice and we've been around each other twice. One of those times we were drunk.

 

The two times we were in contact was her drunk texting me. I was also drunk, which I think she knew. They both went the same direction. She used the tiniest excuse to talk to me. The first time, she started having a go at me for tweeting something or something. She then told me she'll care about me for a long time or something and I argued that she doesn't care about me. Then she started saying she was sorry and that she still doesn't know why she feels different. She also said to me that I was the only person she has been completely comfortable around. I told her to go and et water and then sleep. She never replied.

 

The second time was when we were both at a party. It was a house party and according to my female friend, we were looking at each other in "that way" the whole night. There was a few weird things though. She just finished telling everyone how she gets greedy with drink and doesn't share. I then shouted across the room to my friend to pour me some vodka. She shouted back, "do you want some vodka?" she then poured me some of hers and handed it to me. We talked a couple times, but I can't recall what about. I just know it was casual and nothing about us. She was also very open about a lot of things that she wouldn't normally be. Okay, yes she's drunk but I thought that was weird. She offered me a lift home as well. Her dad picked her, a friend and I up. On the way to mine, she told me to give her dad directions as she couldnt remember where I lived.. This was right before saying "this left here". She knew exactly where to go?

 

When we got home, the texts started again. She used some weird excuse. She then changed the subject many times to talk about something else. Talking and talking. She then quickly changed it to "I still haven't read that song". This is probably a lie. I know for a fact she's listened to it. A lot. She also told me she cried all the way home after I gave her the song. When I asked why she said I don't know. She wanted to stay friends so any future parties wouldn't be awkward. Then she started getting upset sending sad faces about how she still doesn't know and that she's sorry she hurt me. She stopped replying.

In the morning I text her to see if she was alright and not like crying or something. She replied quite quickly and asked me if I had a good night. We had a short conversation about the night but as soon as the conversation topic had run dry, I didn't make an effort to talk about anything else.

That's the last I've heard from her.

 

Okay... Does anyone know what's going on in her head??? What Am I to her?

 

I feel I have to give her the question of :

 

"Do you want me in your life?"

 

I feel I can let her go if she hesitates or something. I'm just very confused on this whole thing.. Can a girl seriously lose feelings and not know why? Can anyone offer me guidance here???

[Jay77098]

Connorjaay: In healthy relationships, there is no doubt about whether the woman is interested in you, committed to you. You will know it by her actions. There is nothing in what you wrote that indicates that she is committed to you, or this relationship.

 

I think that she probably doesn't know what she wants, or is maybe just too immature to give you any kind of real commitment. I would go NC and move on. Easy for me to say, and very tough for you to do. But it's the right thing.

[Connorjaay]

Update..

Okay.. Last night she drunk texted me.

She just said "Hi" and I was tempted just to ignore her but it was obvious she had something to say.

She was drunk, but not that drunk (I can tell by her spelling etc since she used to text me a lot at parties).

I didn't reply to it until about 15 minutes but she instantly replied after I said Hey back.

She started asking how I was and it turned into general chit chat. She kept the conversation going when it got dry by changing the subject.

She mentioned "her head not being in the right place" when we broke up. I never commented or asked what she meant on it and just said, you're drunk, go and get some water. She'd ignore this and just keep talking about whatever.

She started talking about songs that reminded her of me and that she gets sad listening to them.

I then said it's time we both should get sleep. She agreed and said goodnight first. She left 4 kisses. I know that sounds weird "oh wow, four kisses", but I'd get around 3 when we were together so I don't know. I wasn't going to give her any back but I gave one and went to sleep...

I take it this means she's missing me?

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, she probably misses you, but that doesn't mean she wants to get back with you. Next time don't respond.