Dollfacee Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 (edited) Hi everyone I've just joined and wanted to say thanks to those that take time to read my litle rant. In a nutshell back in August 2013 I found out - after sooo many suspicions and accusations, that my boyfriend had cheated on me the first year of our relationship. I would ask, demand, cry and basically beg him to tell me if he'd ever been unfaithful and everytime he said no. Against my better judgement, I asked his best friend if he knew of anything that would confirm my feelings, when he said "it's not my place to get involved" I knew in my heart that meant Yes.. In August of last year his best friend caved in and told me everything I thought and accused my bf of doing was true. It killed me, I had to hear it from my bf himself. At my bf's house he admitted to his actions. I hated him that moment. I felt so betrayed, hurt, insecure, soo stupid for giving him my complete trust and letting my guard down with him. A couple weeks later I decided that maybe we could talk and figure out what to do and if there was a chance to save the relationship we had. He poured his heart out and cried like a baby begging me to accept his apology, saying he regrets it and could never hurt me again. I accepted his apology and we started to repair what we once had. Moving forward it was hell for me, I fought myself on staying or going. I wondered WHY. cried myself to sleep, had the worst anxiety attacks, had an asthma attack once from crying so much. I blamed myself for being so comfortable letting him break the walls down, for loving him unconditionally and trusting him blindly. Throughout the rollercoaster of emotions he was there by myside and as much as I was thankful and appreciative of him, I still felt soo much hate and anger towards him.. 8 months later, we're getting better at our communication, the trust isn't fully there on my part but I'm trying. I dont wanna have the mentality "once a cheater always a cheater" but sometimes I ask myself , How can I honestly trust and believe he wont do it again. I'm still mad at him, some days are better then others with my dealing with my feelings, I still find myself asking WHY, asking why couldn't Ihe just tell me when it happened or when I asked,ive come to hate his best friend who was also one of my best friends, to some degree for knowing all along and keeping the truth from me, (I kmow its not his fault) I'm angry at both of them for looking me in the faxe day after day telling me no he wouldnt do that to me. I love him soo soo much, I cant say forsure if I do forgive him or not? Do I?? Is it that I do forgive him and thats why were still together? And am I really mad at myself? Mad at him? Anyway, I'd really appreciate some good words. Feel free to share any experiences, thoughts or advice on how to deal with this. ♥ Edited April 12, 2014 by Dollfacee
Damaged217 Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 How long had you guys been together before he cheated? And how old are the both of you, if you don't mind me asking? Was it a one-time thing? Or did he cheat multiple times? Everyone makes mistakes, but cheating is a deal-breaker for me, personally. Once the trust is gone, you can try your hardest to repair the relationship and get the trust back, but you will never have the same relationship again and that is something that you are learning. Also, if you forgive the cheater once, they will think it is acceptable behavior and will likely do it again because they got away with it the first time. It's up to you if you think this guy is worth all of the anguish. The only way to move forward is for you to truly forgive him and that means NOT bringing up this cheating and throwing it in his face time and time again. The way you seem to be obsessing over the cheating and how angry you still seem about it, I don't see that happening. Does he let you go through his phone and e-mail accounts? I would say him allowing you full access to those things whenever you request it would be a start to learning to trust him again. He screwed up so he has to pay the consequences if he wants to be forgiven. I honestly wouldn't want a relationship like that so I think you should just move on to someone who you can actually trust. p.s. I hope you learned to ALWAYS go with your gut!
LustAppeal Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Everyone makes mistakes, but cheating is a deal-breaker for me, personally. Once the trust is gone, you can try your hardest to repair the relationship and get the trust back, but you will never have the same relationship again and that is something that you are learning. Also, if you forgive the cheater once, they will think it is acceptable behavior and will likely do it again because they got away with it the first time. It's up to you if you think this guy is worth all of the anguish. The only way to move forward is for you to truly forgive him and that means NOT bringing up this cheating and throwing it in his face time and time again. The way you seem to be obsessing over the cheating and how angry you still seem about it, I don't see that happening. I completely agree, it takes a strong person to truly forgive some when it comes to cheating. And sometimes it takes a strong person to end it when there's been so much evidence it's already over. And trust wise, as a male I know that if I decided to stay with my girl after all this, when we have kids the thought of them possibly not being mine would be in the back of my head. It just isn't healthy to think like that, this paranoia can turn even the best of us into a anxiety filled mess. I've been cheated on before and I ran so fast and far by the time I got away my ex couldn't even reach me by phone. Saying that, my situation was much different and it's up to you. Not a bunch of internet randoms. I suggest that if you can live with this and not just forgive him, but get rid of all anxiety and trust issues than do what your heart says. But if you cannot, if you can't trust him or the anxiety doesn't even fade... Well do the hardest thing possible and end it. Both of those options take a strong individual. Have faith you can not only push through, but learn from it. Also, make boundaries if you haven't already, find out how this happened... Was he drunk at a party, was it a fling, was it him inlove with another... etc. and go from there. Good luck. Remember your heart can't work without the help of your brain!
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