drift Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 After three years of really liking this guy at work I finally asked him out last week. We'd been emailing each other quite a bit recently about things in general and thought it was the perfect opportunity. So I casually asked him and he turned me down. He was very polite, saying he was flattered but he also said he didn't want to give me a trivial reason why and so in the end he just declined. I left it open and said if he changes his mind to let me know, even though I don't think he will. He lives by himself (and was cheated on and divorced a few years ago) so I'm not sure whether it's because he doesn't want a relationship at the moment, or the reason is down to the fact that it's me. I don't quite know what to do now, we still email each other but I have been avoiding him as I can't really face him even though he'll be just the same towards me. I've been really down for the rest of the week and I had an eating disorder a couple of years ago and even though I'm trying, I don't want this to trigger it again. Any advice would be really, really appreciated!
bryceisbryce Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 I think there is a good chance it has nothing to do with you as a person. I have a gorgeous, hilarious, smart, and sexy friend that I talk to every day but I won't date her for my own reasons. I think you should see other people. It'll either make him realize how much he wants you or help you realize that he's not going to pursue the relationship. If a man doesn't make a move in three years, there's a good chance he doesn't have any intentions of making a move. The way he handled the situation shows that he really does care about you and wants to continue to be friends. 2
Gaeta Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 You need to de-dramatize the situation and move on real quickly here. More you think about it more you are at risk of developing negative behavior. Tell yourself it's no big deal, he turned you down, his loss. You are still an amazing catch and someone better will come along. You got girlfriends? Call them up and go out this weekend. Go shop, have your hair done, your nails, buy a sexy top. Get out of your mind that he is not ready for a relationship 'right now'. He simply does not see you as a romantic partner.
mammasita Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Don't date co-workers. He needs no other reason. 4
BikerAccnt Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Don't date co-workers. He needs no other reason. This is probably the reason, especially if it's a smaller place. Dating co-workers is dangerous territory. People will talk, and if the relationship falls apart, things will be really hard. Honestly, in the beginning stages of a relationship, when things are all hot and heavy, I don't' think I could stand working with the person I was dating. There would be be no way I could focus on my job. 1
HappyLove Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Don't beat yourself up over it. Be proud of yourself that you took a chance! Now that you don't have to wonder what if anymore you can put your energy into someone else and just keep your friendship with this guy. I personally would never date a co worker no matter how great they were, many people don't, he's probably thinking the same. 3
Author drift Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 Thank you for all of your advice. I've been trying my best today to get over it.
Allumere Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 All good advise/insight. And if you feel like this a potential trigger for ya then go ahead and reach out to your doc/therapist so you can talk it through. You'll just end-up with more tools in the coping box. Knowledge and self-awareness is always a great thing!!
Recommended Posts