Lady2163 Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 A good polygrapher will not accept questions such as "did you love him/her" as the answer is too emotional. They stick to clearn black and white yes and no questions. I do not agree. Parents of missing children are asked PLENTY of emotional questions in a polygraph. Did/Do you love your son/daughter? Do you know where they are? Did you have anything to do with it? Did you kill them? A good polygrapher is able to interpret the results.
lilmisscantbewrong Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 There are some very militant recovery programs out there that recommend this and other forms of surveillance. my husband and I have both had affairs - my story is on here if you wan to read it. We are trying to reconcile. I think we have both been completely exhausted over the entire last 5 years and although I have done a little checking from time to time and so has he - we have both resigned ourselves to the fact that it is tiresome to do so. We are doing the best that we can and I think if either one of us suggested a polygraph we would know we are done. 1
SolG Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 The Polygraph and Forensic Psychiatry This is an article that contributors to this thread may find useful as a reference. It's quite current, and from a respected academic, peer reviewed journal. It will help you understand the polygraph process, contemporary usage, and the efficacy of polygraphs. I found it really interesting. Enjoy! :-)
gettingstronger Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 No polygraph for us, I also do not believe in disclosing to everyone and anyone-for me, reconciliation is a private matter- I want my husband to be with me because he wants to freely and with love in his heart for me and only me-I want him to tell me the truth of his situation of his own accord and because he loves me and knows I am entitled to the truth- Do I have lingering doubts on his truth based on being hurt so badly- you bet-but as reconciliation continues the truth becomes more clear- 2
Author FoolishOW Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 Many say the same about infidelity and affairs...yet here we are. Nice shot, if your purpose is just to slip in a backhanded comment. What's the connection that you're making, but not saying?
Quiet Storm Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 (edited) Although it seems extreme, i understand why a polygraph would be used. You can say, if I need polygraph its already over, but there are families on the line here. If a polygraph gives a BS the reassurance they need to reconcile, and the WS is willing to do it, what's the problem? That reassurance may be what is needed to save the marriage and to keep a family intact. In my area its mostly retired cops and retired nsa that provide the services. Edited April 12, 2014 by Quiet Storm 4
Lady2163 Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Although it seems extreme, i understand why a polygraph would be used. You can say, if I need polygraph its already over, but there are families on the line here. If a polygraph gives a BS the reassurance they need to reconcile, and the WS is willing to do it, what's the problem? That reassurance may be what is needed to save the marriage and to keep a family intact. In my area its mostly retired cops and retired nsa that provide the services. I guess my thing is I wonder at what point it becomes an invasion of privacy. Say a BS wants a polygraph, but the scope of questions cover a variety of things. My brother has been married for 30 years. It is his second marriage. One time his wife casually mentioned, "Well, John hadn't dated much before he met me, he was too busy with his schoolwork and sports.". I actually choked on my drink. John was never a cheater as a tween and teen and early 20s, BUT he never broke up with one girl UNLESS he had another one on the hook. He consistently did this no fewer than 10 times (You know how long those 13 year old romances last). He was only what is called a two season athlete. Four season athelete in my area back then meant you played football, basketball, track and baseball. He did not have year round workouts. He had 6 full months off from sports. He was a straight C, sometimes D student. So, I told that story simply because John is a good husband and father. But he has told a whopper of an amusing lie. Personally, it is inconsequential to his marriage. It is his private business. However, his wife may not think so and probably wouldn't be amused. So, do you feel as a BS, that any and all aspects of the husbands life should be permissible to fact check? Would you truly be willing to expose your life to a lie detector? Are there really that many people who squeaky clean? Do you feel as a BS you have a right to know every little detail about the affair? Do you think you are entitled to know everything about the Other the WS knows? I do not. Here is the scenario that pops into mind.... Your husband has been caught cheating. He may have some suspicions about you from earlier years as well. (Were you really exhausted from work and kids for three months X number of years ago or was there someone else?). You bith agree to polygraphs. You have intimate questions about the OW. As you are being polygraphed, a broad question such as "Have you ever had an abortion?" becomes, "Do you know anyone who has had an abortion?" and a secret your best friend is keeping from her conservative husband and everyone else is threatening to be exposed. I guess what I am saying is a polygraph would have to have a helluva narrow scope before I'd ever agree to take one if I were a BS. The older I get, the more private I get. It doesn't mean anything wrong is going on, just there are things I prefer to keep to myself and not share. My purse, my iPad, my finances, my complete sexual history (had too much fun in my 20s). Lastly, I keep thinking of amusing, totally inappropriate yes/no questions that could be asked....sorry one of those days 1). Does my butt really look fat in these pants? 2). Am I really the best sex you've ever had? 3). Do you actually like my family as much as you say you do? 4). Did Muffy the cat truly run away? 5). Did a burglar break in and steal only the wagon wheel coffee table (think When Harry Met Sally) and a six pack of beer? 1
Quiet Storm Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 I guess my thing is I wonder at what point it becomes an invasion of privacy. Say a BS wants a polygraph, but the scope of questions cover a variety of things. My brother has been married for 30 years. It is his second marriage. One time his wife casually mentioned, "Well, John hadn't dated much before he met me, he was too busy with his schoolwork and sports.". I actually choked on my drink. John was never a cheater as a tween and teen and early 20s, BUT he never broke up with one girl UNLESS he had another one on the hook. He consistently did this no fewer than 10 times (You know how long those 13 year old romances last). He was only what is called a two season athlete. Four season athelete in my area back then meant you played football, basketball, track and baseball. He did not have year round workouts. He had 6 full months off from sports. He was a straight C, sometimes D student. So, I told that story simply because John is a good husband and father. But he has told a whopper of an amusing lie. Personally, it is inconsequential to his marriage. It is his private business. However, his wife may not think so and probably wouldn't be amused. So, do you feel as a BS, that any and all aspects of the husbands life should be permissible to fact check? Would you truly be willing to expose your life to a lie detector? Are there really that many people who squeaky clean? Do you feel as a BS you have a right to know every little detail about the affair? Do you think you are entitled to know everything about the Other the WS knows? I do not. Here is the scenario that pops into mind.... Your husband has been caught cheating. He may have some suspicions about you from earlier years as well. (Were you really exhausted from work and kids for three months X number of years ago or was there someone else?). You bith agree to polygraphs. You have intimate questions about the OW. As you are being polygraphed, a broad question such as "Have you ever had an abortion?" becomes, "Do you know anyone who has had an abortion?" and a secret your best friend is keeping from her conservative husband and everyone else is threatening to be exposed. I guess what I am saying is a polygraph would have to have a helluva narrow scope before I'd ever agree to take one if I were a BS. The older I get, the more private I get. It doesn't mean anything wrong is going on, just there are things I prefer to keep to myself and not share. My purse, my iPad, my finances, my complete sexual history (had too much fun in my 20s). Lastly, I keep thinking of amusing, totally inappropriate yes/no questions that could be asked....sorry one of those days 1). Does my butt really look fat in these pants? 2). Am I really the best sex you've ever had? 3). Do you actually like my family as much as you say you do? 4). Did Muffy the cat truly run away? 5). Did a burglar break in and steal only the wagon wheel coffee table (think When Harry Met Sally) and a six pack of beer? I don't keep secrets from my spouse. For me, that's what true intimacy is.... he knows everything and loves me and accepts me, flaws and all.
Quiet Storm Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 I can't believe anyone would think it's Ok to hide an abortion from a spouse who they know would have a problem with it. Marriage isn't about creating some fake image of yourself so your spouse will love and accept a phony you. It's about having a partner that that loves, understands and respects the real you. Its a shame that so many people did not have a good model for a healthy marriage. 3
Lady2163 Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 I can't believe anyone would think it's Ok to hide an abortion from a spouse who they know would have a problem with it. Marriage isn't about creating some fake image of yourself so your spouse will love and accept a phony you. It's about having a partner that that loves, understands and respects the real you. Its a shame that so many people did not have a good model for a healthy marriage. Spinning off-topic, my apologies Storm...may I ask how old you are? I'm not the same person I was at 30 or even 35. One time I had been dating a man for about six months. 15ish years earlier I had been young and dumb and 18-20 years old. The first time my best friend met him, she was a touch nervous (she came to my workplace for lunch and that was a bit unnerving for her). He casually asked how we meet. She popped off with, "I met her when we were both stupidly in love with and dating married men who were best friends.". She just *assumed* I had told him. I hadn't. He'd had a contentious divorce and his baggage was a lot more dramatic than mine, we just never got into my history or past yet. It was a conversation stopper to say the least. (Sidenote: later, in private I busted her for not having a lot of class or tact. "Were you trying to cause a fight between he and I while at work, or in what universe did you think that wasn't an awkward answer?" Later, I calmly told him if he had ANY questions about the situation BFF had described now was the time to ask. And I was honest. I loved like a teenager loved, but it wasn't real. I didn't even know where MM was, to me it was a non-issue, ancient history and my memory was VERY fuzzy.) As I've gotten older I tell less and less about my past, particularly as it becomes ancient history. When I was 11 my brother intentionally broke every single heirloom I had from my grandparents and was never punished. It is easily in my top 5 or 10 traumatic moments of my life, yet I haven't told that story to anyone I've met in 20 years. If I were to do therapy, it would be one of the first family stories I would tell. Heck....no one in my real life knows about my posting on this site!
Author FoolishOW Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 Well its like this. When you destroy someone's trust and they catch you doing so and you deny or minimize where does that leave the person? I don't think it is wrong of a BS to have it as a stipulation. After all, the person you thought you knew and loves was caught red handed in the cookie jar. Everything you believed to be true could be a lie. I think they are usually for cases where everythibg points to a PA but that is denied or points to it being longer but that is denied. How can you trust a liar and cheater when they lie and cheat? So we have this handy dandy device available through the police or services that will give you basic deal breaker answers. A ws spouse who realizes they f'd up will take it, they don't hurt. To prove to their Bs they are not lying about the affair not being physical or bein short. And then there is the parking lot confessions where everything can come out. So now the BS can have some idea of moving forward. A marriage may be over when the affair comes to light but a WS who ate their cake and wants their BS will not hesitate to agree to such. Only a WS who doesn't truly love their BS or actually is lying still would refuse. Because if you love someone and are afraid of losing them and no you have broken all trust. Having this once chance to prove you aren't lying is not something to get all self righteous about. It is actually silly to think that someone who has lied and broken all trust but claims to want to reconcile and that they love their spouse would be indignant at such a request. The mere willingness to do so can be enough. Hold up... I'd say there's nothing at all to get self righteous about, but if everything you've described has occurred, to the level at which you've described it, what in God's name are you expecting a polygraph to do for you? You can't really mean that given all the information you've gathered, and all the issues at stake, that you're gonna waive the instincts and intelligence you've developed as a mature adult individual in favor of some polygraph that may, or may not, be accurate? Come on. This isn't some acceptable gold standard that's widely supported or deferred to for making tough life decisions. At best, it's a reasonable guess. If it's 80% accurate (some would say that's generous), then you're willing to take the 20% chance that it's wrong, as opposed to trusting what your heart and head are telling you? NO, not his heart and head, your own. Nah... Hard as I try, I can't even imagine believing that my own good judgment is not a far safer bet with which to plan my future. Who knows, maybe some people do know exactly what they should do, but the poly provides the last ditch effort that allows them to NOT have to do what they might be afraid to do, whatever that is. In the end, you do what you have to do. It's not for me, but I wish those well who find it helpful for them. 1
Author FoolishOW Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 I think if the person hasn't gave a reason of mistrust then for sure a polygraph would be a slap in the face. But if the evidence is overwhelming against them... And i get not asking for one but I do know I love my husband very much and had he caught me things would have been a lot different. And had he needed a poly to verify certain facts of my affair i would have done so. It seems fair to say that "offering" to take a poly is a very different animal than demanding someone else do the same as a stipulation of reconciliation. My opinion is that the driving force (or emotion) behind these two circumstances is most likely miles apart.
AlwaysGrowing Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Hold up... I'd say there's nothing at all to get self righteous about, but if everything you've described has occurred, to the level at which you've described it, what in God's name are you expecting a polygraph to do for you? You can't really mean that given all the information you've gathered, and all the issues at stake, that you're gonna waive the instincts and intelligence you've developed as a mature adult individual in favor of some polygraph that may, or may not, be accurate? Come on. This isn't some acceptable gold standard that's widely supported or deferred to for making tough life decisions. At best, it's a reasonable guess. If it's 80% accurate (some would say that's generous), then you're willing to take the 20% chance that it's wrong, as opposed to trusting what your heart and head are telling you? NO, not his heart and head, your own. Nah... Hard as I try, I can't even imagine believing that my own good judgment is not a far safer bet with which to plan my future. Who knows, maybe some people do know exactly what they should do, but the poly provides the last ditch effort that allows them to NOT have to do what they might be afraid to do, whatever that is. In the end, you do what you have to do. It's not for me, but I wish those well who find it helpful for them. You actually nailed the real issue without realizing it. Affairs cause a BS to doubt their own judgement. That is why many feel it is a form of emotional/mental abuse. Every lie they believed, every event that they attended, each holiday that passed, each and everyday their perception/belief of their spouse was WRONG. Not just a little wrong.....way, way, way wrong. They didn't even question the lies. It causes people to not trust their own judgement. That is why you read about BS having to leave work, can't make decisions, lose focus easily, difficulty in performing daily tasks. For those folks who struggle to cope with believing their own judgement this might be of benefit. Not only to the BS...but also the WS. Call it reality checking. 2
Iguanna Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 I've heard about it in here as well (well America is always ahead of things ) but in my opinion I would consider a relationship that should be based on a poly test a failed one. If I need a poly test to trust my husband or my husband to trust me, the game is long lost and it's better to find the exit.
Fluttershy Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 I've heard about it in here as well (well America is always ahead of things ) but in my opinion I would consider a relationship that should be based on a poly test a failed one. If I need a poly test to trust my husband or my husband to trust me, the game is long lost and it's better to find the exit. A relationship that has had an affair is a failed one. I am more about the parking lot confessions anyways then the actual test. There was a poster who believed his wife's affair was physical and she denied it. It was a huge roadblock in their recovery. Him believing in the results of a test could have straightened everything out. She even offered. Us BS get to make demands after learning about infidelity if we are wanting to reconcile. And a WS gets to refuse to meet them. It is called free will. I personaly don't see utilizing a poly induced parking lot confession as so extreme. Because I have been blindsided by the man I loves with all my heart cheating on me and questionin everything I thought to be true to be false. I did not demand a poly. My husband had all their communications still and it confirmed what he said was true was true.
Quiet Storm Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Spinning off-topic, my apologies Storm...may I ask how old you are? I'm not the same person I was at 30 or even 35. One time I had been dating a man for about six months. 15ish years earlier I had been young and dumb and 18-20 years old. The first time my best friend met him, she was a touch nervous (she came to my workplace for lunch and that was a bit unnerving for her). He casually asked how we meet. She popped off with, "I met her when we were both stupidly in love with and dating married men who were best friends.". She just *assumed* I had told him. I hadn't. He'd had a contentious divorce and his baggage was a lot more dramatic than mine, we just never got into my history or past yet. It was a conversation stopper to say the least. (Sidenote: later, in private I busted her for not having a lot of class or tact. "Were you trying to cause a fight between he and I while at work, or in what universe did you think that wasn't an awkward answer?" Later, I calmly told him if he had ANY questions about the situation BFF had described now was the time to ask. And I was honest. I loved like a teenager loved, but it wasn't real. I didn't even know where MM was, to me it was a non-issue, ancient history and my memory was VERY fuzzy.) As I've gotten older I tell less and less about my past, particularly as it becomes ancient history. When I was 11 my brother intentionally broke every single heirloom I had from my grandparents and was never punished. It is easily in my top 5 or 10 traumatic moments of my life, yet I haven't told that story to anyone I've met in 20 years. If I were to do therapy, it would be one of the first family stories I would tell. Heck....no one in my real life knows about my posting on this site! Im 38. I just have led a different life than you. I don't feel the need to hide anything from my spouse. 3
Author FoolishOW Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 (edited) A lot of assumptions on this thread about what a polygraph is, does, how it's done, where it's done, why it's done, etc. For those that can't imagine the horror of taking a polygraph, that's how a BS feels when knowledge of a cheating partner surfaces. Shock, horror, devastation, just to name a few. While you (general you) can't imagine taking a polygraph, some can't imagine ever being an OW/OM. Not just anyone can administer a polygraph. It takes training. No, the local police don't administer them for cases of infidelity. Polygraphs don't hurt. Questions are yes and no answers. A few non related questions are asked first, to get a baseline for truth. When confronted with a liar, who continues to gaslight and lie, a spouses may decide to go the route of a polygraph. I guess some people do not get the wreckage that occurs when infidelity is part of a marriage. The betrayed persons world has exploded. The lies told to them have made them believe they are loosing their mind. They WANT to trust their spouse, but some can never recover from the betrayal. Look at some of the the OW on this forum who are still pining for the MM months and years later! These OW were not a spouse, did not build a life with the cheater, did not have kids with the cheater, didn't have retirement plans in place. Sure, some OW and MM talked future, but that's not the same as what a MARRIED couple does. The oW and MM don't have shared bank accounts, shared assets, shared material things. Yet the OW crumbles when an affair ends. You don't have to split joint assets, spilt kids time, etc like a BS does. So in some instances, a BS wants further "proof" the cheater isn't lying and therefore turns to a polygraph. Scoff all you want, claiming you would never do that or ask your partner to do that. That's wonderful for you. But for some - it is what THEY need to do to determine their future. Honestly, when I started this thread I didn't have the mindset of BS, WS, OW, or PDQ for that matter, and my opinion still isn't based on what role you might be in in the relationship, it was, and still is, based entirely on the idea of "banking on a polygraph" for a life altering decision. I can't seem to make that clear, so I get example after example after example of how much devastation has occurred, who hurts more, who over reacts, who's justified, and who has no business even breathing... okay, not that. I GET IT! I SWEAR, I DO GET IT! I'm most likely older than many of you, and have lived a good, full, life, raised kids, had a professional career (still do), and I actually possess a pretty decent amount of common sense. I married my college boyfriend who I met and dated all 4 years of college, and just before graduation he was drafted as a professional athlete. We moved to the city he played for, and I haven't lived in my own home town since the day I left, at 22 yrs old. Throughout that lengthy marriage, and his successful career, "my athlete" had transformed into "johnny apple seed"... and my business wasn't just my business, it was the entire cities business, and the teachers business and my neighbors business, and on and on and on. I say this for those who may think I'm blind to the ways of the world, or that I don't understand the inner workings of betrayal or infidelity. I PROMISE YOU, I know it, I have lived it, and I've seen and dealt with most of the issues debated here, along with a slew that haven't. I'm not sure how much I'd change, given the chance, but life is full of things we can't control, and it can be hurtful, and hard, and disappointing, and confusing as all hell, which is why we all have decisions to make. Whether I'm the cheater (it's hypothetical, don't throw *****), or the one cheated on (also hypothetical), or just a bum on the street, the decisions I make are reached by the same process. I rely on the facts I have, I consider what I may not know, I aim for the goal in mind... then I act. Guess I just felt like laying it out so my original thought on the thread wasn't further buried. Edited April 13, 2014 by FoolishOW corrections 1
Author FoolishOW Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 A relationship that has had an affair is a failed one. I am more about the parking lot confessions anyways then the actual test. There was a poster who believed his wife's affair was physical and she denied it. It was a huge roadblock in their recovery. Him believing in the results of a test could have straightened everything out. She even offered. Us BS get to make demands after learning about infidelity if we are wanting to reconcile. And a WS gets to refuse to meet them. It is called free will. I personaly don't see utilizing a poly induced parking lot confession as so extreme. Because I have been blindsided by the man I loves with all my heart cheating on me and questionin everything I thought to be true to be false. I did not demand a poly. My husband had all their communications still and it confirmed what he said was true was true. Sorry, I missed the whole explanation of a "parking lot confession", and can't seem to find it. Could someone help me out? I'm not even sure I could venture a guess based on what it's called.
Author FoolishOW Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 You actually nailed the real issue without realizing it. Affairs cause a BS to doubt their own judgement. That is why many feel it is a form of emotional/mental abuse. Every lie they believed, every event that they attended, each holiday that passed, each and everyday their perception/belief of their spouse was WRONG. Not just a little wrong.....way, way, way wrong. They didn't even question the lies. It causes people to not trust their own judgement. That is why you read about BS having to leave work, can't make decisions, lose focus easily, difficulty in performing daily tasks. For those folks who struggle to cope with believing their own judgement this might be of benefit. Not only to the BS...but also the WS. Call it reality checking. Alwaysgrowing... thanks for the comments. I had to laugh (friendly laugh) when you said I actually nailed the real issue without realizing it. I was thinking, maybe that is the "real issue" at hand for some, but it wasn't something I'd experienced when I was faced with divorce, so I laughed... as in, is THAT what you think I nailed. Even though what you describe didn't happen to me (and my situation involved more woman than you and I could count together on both hands), I can understand the concept.
AlwaysGrowing Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Sorry, I missed the whole explanation of a "parking lot confession", and can't seem to find it. Could someone help me out? I'm not even sure I could venture a guess based on what it's called. Parking lot confession is when a WS on the way to the poly decides/realizes that the gig is up and confesses to the lies/issues/questions that the poly is to address.
ThatsJustHowIRoll Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Nice shot, if your purpose is just to slip in a backhanded comment. What's the connection that you're making, but not saying? Not a shot at all. Sorry if you see it that way...but are you telling me you don't see the irony? Asking for a polygraph is crossing the line? Really? 1
Author FoolishOW Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 Parking lot confession is when a WS on the way to the poly decides/realizes that the gig is up and confesses to the lies/issues/questions that the poly is to address. Unbelievable... My guesses weren't even close. I actually thought the couple sat in the parking lot AFTER the person was poly'd, and he/she would fill in the details of whatever qstns showed deception. Boy, was I off. If that sounds naïve, I certainly understand, especially now that I DO know what it means. My only defense for being somewhat lost over this process/subject, is that I can't picture the man who gets in the car at home with his wife (I picture her driving too, btw, which is equally disturbing, but perhaps not true at all) and rides to the poly, nervous as anything, and then blurts out his truths just before walking in. Personally, this isn't any man I'm familiar with (relationship wise), but neither is the man who obediently sulks off to the couch with a pillow when his wife banishes him from the bedroom, so it's a little hard to relate. For me, I just picture my husband looking at me as if to say, "Have you lost your mind", and then walking away sort of chuckling, assuming I wasn't serious at all. That isn't said to be mean, it is just a completely foreign concept to me.
gettingstronger Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 That isn't said to be mean, it is just a completely foreign concept to me. I agree-its hard to imagine the circumstances that lead up to situations you could never picture yourself in- I would under no circumstances ask for a poly from my H nor would he agree to one-but those that do are not wrong, its just not in my wheelhouse- The other side of the coin is I can not judge them- I never thought I'd take back a cheating spouse nor would I ever be an OW- the idea of being second in someones life, the idea of sneaking around is not in my wheelhouse either-its a foreign concept to me- And around full circle- I never thought I would take back a cheating spouse-
snappytomcat Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 as a bs,I would never ask my husband to take a polygraph,but if someone wants there ws to take one to feel better,then that's up to them. if I cant start trusting my xws,then theres no since of being together,plus now my eyes are wide open,im the best polygraph test if I need to be
Author FoolishOW Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 Not a shot at all. Sorry if you see it that way...but are you telling me you don't see the irony? Asking for a polygraph is crossing the line? Really? I wrote in my post, "I can't think of a single argument that would make this justifiable on any level," (regarding a polygraph), you quoted me and wrote, "Many say the same about infidelity and affairs... yet here we are." So you say it wasn't a shot, and then come back again just as sarcastic? If you're going to take the time to throw out a salty remark, at least be a big enough person to own it when you're called on it. Now you're asking if I see the irony in the two statements above. I have no idea what you're using for the definition of IRONY, but these statements aren't even related, let alone ironic. Clearly you've interpreted what I said about a polygraph in such a way that adds some sort of assumption that I view infidelity and affairs as "justifiable", while a polygraph is "unjustifiable". WOW... you aren't even close. But that's not what you meant, right? Riiiight. All of my comments regarding my view of the use of a polygraph in a relationship situation are related to the fact that they are not only unreliable and inaccurate, but that I would trust my own instincts, judgment, inner voice, etc. far more than I would rely on a polygraph. The comment that you chose to cut and paste falls exactly in line with that thinking, and the fact that there is NO situation in which I could, or would find the use of a polygraph acceptable for me, or my spouse. If my husband felt, for ANY reason, that he was overwhelmingly convinced that the only, or best avenue for him to reach "the truth" from me (regardless of what that truth was related to), was for me to sit down for a polygraph, AND our marriage absolutely depended on it, I can promise you... my husband would be a single man in the time it would take me to file the papers. FOR ME... the insistence upon the use of a polygraph, and all that that implies with regard to the health and stability of MY marriage, I would simply and quickly pack my things. So, ThatsJustHowIRoll, where, exactly, is that irony you're talking about? I don't begrudge the use of a polygraph to ANYONE who feels it could be useful for them, regardless of how or why they've come to reach that decision.
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