hackney Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Hetero guy here: I don't enjoy flirting. I know HOW to flirt, but I find it exhausting the many times I've tried...because it's just not who I am. I love conversation, and I'm a really good conversationalist. I'm outgoing, and people like me. I'm the president of clubs, I have a ton of friends, etc. Is anyone else like this? If so, how do you navigate the dating scene? I have had three girlfriends (all LTR) in 39 years. I have said "I love you" to all three: (1) A good conversationalist and basically seduced me. (2) A friend of a few years and we got to know each other slowly (3) Random women walks up to me and neutrally says "you seem really interesting. Would you like to go out sometime?" I have been on other dates, and all are the result of the above...I'm seduced, she's a friend and we go out, or me (or the girl) frankly asks the person out (without any kind of flirting). I don't have Asperger's. I understand social queues. I just find flirting unenjoyable. I am also not very romantic---at all. I am very loving and cuddly, but I feel silly doing the typical romantic gestures. I do them anyway, but only because I know I'm supposed to. ALL THREE of my girlfriends did not like that about it. As a male, I find romantic gestures one-sided. If I'm going to give an engagement ring, I want to get one too. I'm THAT kind of guy. An anniversary is a JOINT celebration, not one where the male makes all the plans. I don't enjoy playing that "male role". Any males or female relate?
Valen Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 I can relate. I had to learn how to flirt because I was not natural at it. I didn't quite understand it. I also don't like the mushy things couples have to say to each other over the phone or in person. Like one time I saw a man in his 50s talking to his girlfriend on the phone and he was saying lovey dovey stuff and just looks rediculous to me. I can't imagine myself do that kind of stuff at that age. And I think partly why I have relationship problems is I don't play the "male role" that well. lol I'm not much of a talker. I don't understand how couples could talk on the phone for hrs, I rather just go do stuff together. I also have low tolerance for stupid drama. That's why I don't get along with girls that likes to whine and you know they make up majority of females. lol
Author hackney Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 I enjoy "I love yous" and staring into my GFs eyes and cuddling and stuff. An ex-GF talked about how she liked her cookie...warm and soft. I flirted back about how I like "warm and soft" too and run may hands over her. I ENJOY that. But, the dating kind of social flirting...not my cup of tea.
Tayken Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Hetero guy here: I don't enjoy flirting. I know HOW to flirt, but I find it exhausting the many times I've tried...because it's just not who I am. I love conversation, and I'm a really good conversationalist. I'm outgoing, and people like me. I'm the president of clubs, I have a ton of friends, etc. Is anyone else like this? If so, how do you navigate the dating scene? I have had three girlfriends (all LTR) in 39 years. I have said "I love you" to all three: (1) A good conversationalist and basically seduced me. (2) A friend of a few years and we got to know each other slowly (3) Random women walks up to me and neutrally says "you seem really interesting. Would you like to go out sometime?" I have been on other dates, and all are the result of the above...I'm seduced, she's a friend and we go out, or me (or the girl) frankly asks the person out (without any kind of flirting). I don't have Asperger's. I understand social queues. I just find flirting unenjoyable. I am also not very romantic---at all. I am very loving and cuddly, but I feel silly doing the typical romantic gestures. I do them anyway, but only because I know I'm supposed to. ALL THREE of my girlfriends did not like that about it. As a male, I find romantic gestures one-sided. If I'm going to give an engagement ring, I want to get one too. I'm THAT kind of guy. An anniversary is a JOINT celebration, not one where the male makes all the plans. I don't enjoy playing that "male role". Any males or female relate? Dam right I can...was married 9yrs and I was the planner.....am sick of it to be honest and I want payback. My last 2 first dates have paid for the meal including giving me a happy ending after. The whole ring thing is BS and to take it a step further by dictating the ring you want...seriously? Not just Anniversary.....same should apply to Valentines if you are going to get involved in that nonsense Women wonder why men start looking elsewhere...it's because you are not keeping the fire burning. They seem to just let go once they bag the man and settle down. As my woman...I want to be getting that hard on every time I look at you just like day 1 i.e. your dress sense, sexiness, nice shoes (not hooker boots) etc
WP4046 Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Dating period is mentally exhausting since you can't be yourself in most situations
Author hackney Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 YEAH! I don't enjoy being "the man taking charge". I enjoying more of a mutual thing. I want to show I like her and be respectful, but I want to feel wanted and secure and see in her eyes and actions that she wants me, too. However, I find having to be "charming" a burden. I WOULD enjoy mutual charming. That would be more FUN. I love fitness, the arts (used to be a prof musician), and everything else you named. I like a male who is confident and takes charge of the early stages of a relationship. Makes me feel wanted and secure. I can tell in his eyes and actions that he wants me but he at the same time he is respectful. I'm not interested in man who sees it as some burdensome effort to charm me. In contrast, he wouldn't trade the opportunity to pursue me for anything. He'll slay dragons and climb mountains to win me over. So romantic. I love it. I need it. Some people have a 'do I have to?' attitude toward life...relationships, fitness, healthy eating, arts, education. In contrast, the men I like both embrace and thrive on challenges.
Tayken Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Flirting is self inflicting pain......it might be OK for teenagers, but adults? I don't personally take part in flirting, am the straight to the point kind of man....I want to bang you, do you feel the same...then lets do it
Author hackney Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 I like a women who is sexy. But, I like to be sexy, too. I feel GOOD when I look good and feel good. In am LTR, we're not going to look amazing every second of the day. I get that. I just want "mutual". How about I choose a fun ring for you, and you choose a fun ring for me? Let's BOTH take charge and enjoy a give and take. That "male role" versus "female role"...it's SUCH a turn off.
Author hackney Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 Yes, but I am a guy in the minority. I am surprised that in 2014 ("the future") my views are a minority. Don't we all want equality? It kind of sucks to be in the minority. It basically means I have a smaller pool and date WAY less than some people. You don't have to appeal to every woman. Your attitude has no appeal to me but then, again, it's probably mutual. It's good that you know yourself and can find women that are compatable. If we all were attracted to everyone then we'd be robots.
Author hackney Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 Thanks. I have never got this level of honesty about this topic before. My ex-GF was similar to you. I would get confused or turned off by the 'coy-acting'. We were both professionals, and I think she wanted to retreat to boyfriend/girlfriend mode when together. I could never provide that, even though I tried, it didn't feel enjoyable to me. I don't want to be treated like a "princess" but I do want to be treated like a princess in the sense that it is mutual. She never got that....or, she got that but didn't like it. Can I ask, honestly, what do you enjoy about being "the princess"? Is the "gender neutral" work world difficult? Also, intellectually, do you see inequality in your preferences? You seem to be embracing a gender inequality that I just don't understand. (I DO understand it is your preference, and I'm not knocking it. I'm just trying to get your perspective.) Sexy is a personal thing. A sexy man to me is a confident take charge man. Perhaps he sees me as sexy when I act coy and give a hint of cleavage. Other people have other turn ons. Some may be turned off by gender roles in a courtship...others , like me, are turned on. My guy isn't just a friend but a sexy male friend and I'm his babe. We are both professionals and have our 'gender neutral' roles in the work world...when together I want to retreat into boyfriend/girlfriend mode. He takes me out dancing and treats me like a princess...I'm his eye candy and he gets to sample it to his hearts content.
Tayken Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Sexy is a personal thing. A sexy man to me is a confident take charge man. Perhaps he sees me as sexy when I act coy and give a hint of cleavage. Other people have other turn ons. Some may be turned off by gender roles in a courtship...others , like me, are turned on. My guy isn't just a friend but a sexy male friend and I'm his babe. We are both professionals and have our 'gender neutral' roles in the work world...when together I want to retreat into boyfriend/girlfriend mode. He takes me out dancing and treats me like a princess...I'm his eye candy and he gets to sample it to his hearts content. No I do not...what am I suppose to do with that? He does all that for you...what do you do for him i.e. where do you take him and how do you treat him? You used the word "babe".....people still use that in this day and age? I find the whole flicking of the hair, dressing provocative and showing cleavage to be rubbish. If I do something special for us this week, I expect you to take charge next week...it shouldn't always be a one way street. I am getting tired of sex lately actually...I have more in the past 2 weeks than when I was married
Author hackney Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 I am a 'boss' at work. I don't comprehend the idea of paying a female less or giving different roles to different genders. I am super nice and professional. I genuinely don't treat either gender differently. I have my own bosses, and I couldn't care what gender they are. In my personal life, I am attracted to females. But, I have the same 'equality' approach that I do at work.
Tayken Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 I am a 'boss' at work. I don't comprehend the idea of paying a female less or giving different roles to different genders. I am super nice and professional. I genuinely don't treat either gender differently. I have my own bosses, and I couldn't care what gender they are. In my personal life, I am attracted to females. But, I have the same 'equality' approach that I do at work. How far from the Marshes are ya? London fella here now living in Canada
Author hackney Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 Londoner as well. I have lived in Canada. I loved it. I like in Boston now. How far from the Marshes are ya? London fella here now living in Canada
Tayken Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Londoner as well. I have lived in Canada. I loved it. I like in Boston now. A long way from Blighty innit? Good for you mate....you couldn't pay me to live in the US though...I have covered over 35 states over the years, got family all over the place there I like the NHS like health care here and less chance of getting shot
Author hackney Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 I am really liking Eau Claire's posts. It's WAY helpful for me to hear other points of view. That way, I can understand them and then feel at peace with the world around me. Without understanding, things can get confusing.
Author hackney Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 My 'health insurance' company is crap, and I much prefer NHS. I live in a 'nice area' so no chance of getting shot, but I strongly dislike the economic disparity in the US. It's makes me feel sick. It just goes against my grain. A long way from Blighty innit? Good for you mate....you couldn't pay me to live in the US though...I have covered over 35 states over the years, got family all over the place there I like the NHS like health care here and less chance of getting shot
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