Chubbi Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Bf and I have been together 2 to 3 months. i'm 24, he's 25. We have not had sexual intercourse; I am still a virgin. Things go great with us as usual, until yesterday when we were hanging out, he slowly decided to call things off. I'm just so hurt and confused. We went out, had a confusing but romantic time, ate dinner, came back to my apt, played games and talked. Then, I was VERY HORNY and ready to have sex though I thought bf was tired; he told me he wasn't. After intense foreplay for half an hour, bf went to put on a condom and then "it" softened. It was hard during foreplay but when it came to sex it didn't work. Bf apologized to me and told me he is stressed out for many reasons and tired. I knew he was exhausted because he has to get up really early during the week, but we can't seem to get off the phone from each other until 1am. The other reasons he's stressed is because he's working a lot and family reasons. I didn't care one iota about him softening up; I was just relieved it wasn't me or something wrong with my vagina. I told him we could try other things. i told him we could do other things and then come back. Well, he starts talking about all his problems, and how he's embarrassed about not being able to perform, and then he says he can't give me what I need right now. He has so many problems, and he's embarrassed about not performing and he's scared he's going to ruin me, that I'm a much better person than him. That he feels like he doesn't deserve me. That my first time should be better than this. That he worries too much about me, and he can't think about me while dealing with all his baggage/problems. I tell him I still want him and he says he wants to be with me, but he has to get through his problems. I'm devastated. Bf asked me how far did I see this going. I didn't answer since he was breaking up with me and he got a little upset with that. He told me I don't put myself out there enough. I don't know what he wants; I just tried to give him my virginity. Do I have to tell him I want a marriage and babies too? I don't understand. He also kind of ranted about my friend who is a guy and how he may be jealous of him. Well guess what? my guy friend is jealous of my bf, so they can just be jealous of each other. i don't want to be in the middle of all that. I asked him to reconsider and he told me to let him think a minute. Now, I'm angry, confused, hopeful, unsure, horny, tired. Are we broken up? I'm devastated.
Trovador Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Deep inside (poor choice of words) he blames you for his lack of response... Believe it or not, we guys sometimes are not up to sex, he told you he wasn't ready and was very tired but you forced the whole thing, why was he so tired? I think he finds you just friendly and because of that he is reticent, either consciously or not, to perform...
Arieswoman Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Chubbi, and then he says he can't give me what I need right now. that I'm a much better person than him That he feels like he doesn't deserve me. He told me I don't put myself out there enough. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ These are all big red flags. Listen to what he is saying. These are classic one-liners that guys say when they want to get out of a situation. He isn't into you enough to carry on the relationship. He's trying to let you down gently. He feels guilty about having sex with you which is why "things flopped". Never make someone your prioity when you are only their option.This isn't going anywhere and you need to move on - I'm sorry. x 5
Author Chubbi Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 (edited) Exbf of 2 months relationship told me that he'd want to be friends with his exes but they didn't. I told him that if we broke up, we could even be friends with benefits. He's a good lover and that's hard to find. I'm a virgin; he's not. I don't want to be a virgin anymore: I want to have sex with him. I made that clear. He never once pressured me for sex at all; he was just a great boyfriend. We dated every week, we talked on the phone everyday for hours and hours, he showed me off to his friends/brother/sister; we did foreplay and i got addicted to him. Everything felt good; it was intense. But 6 days ago, he broke up with me and have disappeared off the map. He has not been answering my texts. I asked him if we were really broken up? i sent an angry long text. Then I apologized and asked to be friends. Nothing. No response at all. Usually, he'd answer me in less than ten minutes. Even if he isn't interested anymore, even if he found someone else, you'd think he'd say "Sorry Chubbi" or something. I don't even know if he got home safe. It's not like him to be this cruel. Here I am trying to give someone my virginity, I thought him worth it, I practiced, fantasized about him and asked for tips and things from him. Then he telling me he needs to work out his issues/baggage/drama and think and sort things out, and then nothing... He didn't/couldn't do it. Just hurting a lot. Just think it's so incredibly cruel. Edited April 12, 2014 by Chubbi
KaliLove Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 He's not being cruel, he's doing you a favor. It is practically impossible to be friends with an ex, especially right after a break up. Brutal honesty..you're coming off as pretty desperate. Time to back off and let yourself heal. I'm sorry he hurt you. 2
oracle Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 How do you know if hes a good lover if you are a virgin? Two months isn't much of a relationship. I am assuming you are pretty young still. Treat this as a learning experience 1
Trovador Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 That guy doesn't seem cruel to me... according to your story, he's been acting soberly... You know, some men don't like girls who throw themselves to them, maybe he got repelled by that... one doesn't have play hard to get, one must be hard to get... as my grandma used to say, "easy comes, easy goes..."... Relax, take a step back and if you wish, examine your relationship with a cold head... maybe you will find a lesson there, maybe not, but you need now to cool down for a while... 1
Author Chubbi Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 That guy doesn't seem cruel to me... according to your story, he's been acting soberly... You know, some men don't like girls who throw themselves to them, maybe he got repelled by that... one doesn't have play hard to get, one must be hard to get... as my grandma used to say, "easy comes, easy goes..."... Relax, take a step back and if you wish, examine your relationship with a cold head... maybe you will find a lesson there, maybe not, but you need now to cool down for a while... How did I throw myself at him? Did you just call me easy? Who the hell would ever call me easy? I'd love to hear this elusive male logic.
Author Chubbi Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 How do you know if hes a good lover if you are a virgin? Two months isn't much of a relationship. I am assuming you are pretty young still. Treat this as a learning experience We had hours and hours of foreplay and an good physical connection. We never did the deed. He was a giving lover. What am I supposed to learn? I did everything right and still got the shaft?
Kilty Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 How did I throw myself at him? Did you just call me easy? Who the hell would ever call me easy? I'd love to hear this elusive male logic. I told him that if we broke up, we could even be friends with benefits. I don't want to be a virgin anymore: I want to have sex with him. I made that clear. Here I am trying to give someone my virginity, I thought him worth it, I practiced, fantasized about him and asked for tips and things from him. Maybe you dont think you were throwing yourself at him and i'm sorry for highlighting that you were
Author Chubbi Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 (edited) Please. There are people who have sex on the first, second or third date. I am in no way easy. And you can't be desperate if the person wants you just as much as you want them. I kinda thought I should've been more bitchy in a way. I'm just kinda honest. I guess I was like, "great, I want to have sex with you" so I'd tell him. I'd ask him about positions he'd like. I won't do that anymore... I don't know how that's going to work though. I either want it or I don't. I guess you all are saying is "want it" but hide that I do. Sounds exhausting to me... At the end of the day, either a guy gets it and loves it or he doesn't. There's no really blame behind it. Edited April 12, 2014 by Chubbi
mammasita Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 You sound kind of crazy IMO. Hypothetically speaking, if I were him and just dumped you but you offered up your virginity in a FWB situation, I would RUN.FAR.AWAY. Very very very very VERY far away.
Author Chubbi Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 (edited) You sound kind of crazy IMO. Hypothetically speaking, if I were him and just dumped you but you offered up your virginity in a FWB situation, I would RUN.FAR.AWAY. Very very very very VERY far away. That's not how it went. It was like a month in when I talked about FWB; we were in a normal relationship. And it was kinda a joke. He kinda told me that wouldn't work for me anyway and he was right. He dumped me a month later. I haven't offered him anything now. Maybe I'm not describing the situation right. I guess I'm still trying to learn and figure this stuff out. I'm not sure for instance if FWB would work for me or not. Maybe it won't. This was my first boyfriend and obviously he was pretty awesome. I did certain things wrong. Why do people on this board have such a strong reaction to me? Edited April 12, 2014 by Chubbi
Author Chubbi Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 (edited) This is ridiculous. I come in here looking for support and a place to vent and I get called easy, desperate, and crazy. Projection much? Some of you are dealing with people with personality disorders and sh*** terrible exes and yet I'm the desperate/easy/crazy one. And there's nothing wrong with being friends with your ex. I am that damn mature and he is that damn mature too. It would've worked. The last time I posted people talked about how I was going to get pumped and dumped. Didn't happen. I kinda looked forward to it; I bet it would be a good way to lose my virginity especially to a sweet guy like my ex. Most people of the world lose their virginity to a far less deserving person. And way before they actually make a decision about it. I always get called delusional and crazy and I'm the most normal one here. Can't be normal around the crazies on LS. It's good to get such a negative reaction because this stuff makes me stronger. Edited April 12, 2014 by Chubbi
faithfully Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 You CANNOT be friend with any sort with somebody thats just dumped/rejected you. Well not anytime soon anyways. It doesnt work PERIOD!!! Move on and wait till you meet somebody worthy of giving your virginity to. There is no rush to lose it.
KaliLove Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 This is ridiculous. I come in here looking for support and a place to vent and I get called easy, desperate, and crazy. Projection much? Some of you are dealing with people with personality disorders and sh*** terrible exes and yet I'm the desperate/easy/crazy one. And there's nothing wrong with being friends with your ex. I am that damn mature and he is that damn mature too. It would've worked. The last time I posted people talked about how I was going to get pumped and dumped. Didn't happen. I kinda looked forward to it; I bet it would be a good way to lose my virginity especially to a sweet guy like my ex. Most people of the world lose their virginity to a far less deserving person. And way before they actually make a decision about it. I always get called delusional and crazy and I'm the most normal one here. Can't be normal around the crazies on LS. It's good to get such a negative reaction because this stuff makes me stronger. Taking someones virginity is a big deal. Women in particular tend to get very attached to the guy who takes it. He probably realized this and already knew that things were not going to work out between the two of you, and did not want to hurt you. Regarding throwing yourself at him..you did emotionally throw yourself at him. From what you describe, it sounds like you pushed him very hard to stay in your life when he was resistant. Bottom line, he doesn't want to be in your life, so you should back off and let yourself heal. 1
stillafool Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 This is ridiculous. I come in here looking for support and a place to vent and I get called easy, desperate, and crazy. Projection much? Some of you are dealing with people with personality disorders and sh*** terrible exes and yet I'm the desperate/easy/crazy one. And there's nothing wrong with being friends with your ex. I am that damn mature and he is that damn mature too. It would've worked. The last time I posted people talked about how I was going to get pumped and dumped. Didn't happen. I kinda looked forward to it; I bet it would be a good way to lose my virginity especially to a sweet guy like my ex. Most people of the world lose their virginity to a far less deserving person. And way before they actually make a decision about it. I always get called delusional and crazy and I'm the most normal one here. Can't be normal around the crazies on LS. It's good to get such a negative reaction because this stuff makes me stronger. Sorry you think all of us here on LS are crazy. The only reason you didn't get pumped and dumped is because he didn't want you. This is why he lost his erection. However, I personally think that was a good thing for you. You deserve to lose your virginity to a man who loves you and you love him. Certainly not some FWB relationship that you were hoping for. 1
Trovador Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 (edited) My apologies for not being clear in my post... Edited April 12, 2014 by Trovador Clarity
oracle Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 You need to learn everything about life still. You haven't lived enough of it or done enough, everything you write makes that blatantly apparent. And not that there is anything wrong with that.. my point.. Relax.. it was a 2 month learning process. You will have plenty more. We had hours and hours of foreplay and an good physical connection. We never did the deed. He was a giving lover. What am I supposed to learn? I did everything right and still got the shaft?
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