Author card Posted May 4, 2014 Author Posted May 4, 2014 What I meant to say is that I've tried to say "hi" but then got discouraged for some reason. Maybe it's all in my head. I think we have a lot in common and I'd really like to talk to her.
chados Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 That's a different story. Well I guess say hi to her. I would think it's more weird to not say anything after talking but. The moment you get scared and treats her like she's to hard to get you'll loose. Man up and don't treat her differently because you think she might no be interested.
Author card Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 Right. Do you think it would be appropriate to pop the question soon or am I getting too ahead of myself again? I may have waited too long after we talked and it could be weird if I said hi now. In my head I'm thinking of going to her at her locker after school and just striking up a casual conversation with "Hey ____, I'm not sure if you remember me but we chatted on Facebook the other day. How's it going? [etc etc] Oh, cool! Hey, listen... Unfortunately we don't really get a chance to talk in person due to being a grade apart so I was wondering if you'd be interested in getting some coffee with me? I'd like to get to know you better; you seem really interesting." Thoughts? I think it's a little less awkward than my original plan.
chados Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 It could work. Nobody knows if it does. But listen. You're quoting a movie almost. It's not always that simple. You need to walk up there with confidence and you should not pretend that she might not remember you. Cause she does. Don't make excuses to talk to her. She's just a person. Treat her like a person not a girl if that makes sense. I think it's harder since you already made contact online. And since you told her she was swell. You put tention on her without her knowing you I don't know what type of girl this is. Is she shy? Extremely popular? Party girl? Stuff like that matters. A popular girl has heard everything and needs to be approaches differently cause she's used to people telling her nice things. How would you describe her?
Author card Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 (edited) Kind of shy. Not extremely popular, but has many friends. Confident without being egotistical. Apparently she's never had a boyfriend, which is a little surprising to me. And I completely get what you mean by "treat her like a person". I never really thought about it like that but I guess the way I'm thinking about it makes this whole ordeal out to be like some kind of ritual. I should keep in mind that I just want to get to know her a little more. Edited May 7, 2014 by card
chados Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I once had a girl in class that was most likely the best looking girl in the whole school. She never had a boyfriend back then. Yet nobody could get her. It's hard to tell what they expect from A girl when they never had one. But just don't see her as your goal. There are others out there. Don't worry about it. Just do what you think is right and if it doesn't work out you move on. don't come Off as a stalker. Is there any way you could talk to her outside of school? If not just walk up there and say hi with a smile and see how she reacts. The thing that makes this hard is that she knows you're hitting on her now. It's better to build up interest before you tell Her how good she is. Because when you don't know her she will think she's above you. That you need her more then she needs you. Think about it. She hasn't done anything at all to make you interested in her but talking a little online. Be just as good of a price yourself. Work on it. Go out and talk to girls you don't know. Give them a compliment. Say I love that hair on you smile and walk away. Don't stand there and make it obvious that you're there for her and using a phrase to get to her. You're just a nice guy that liked her hair. Confidence and keep that smile on.
Author card Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 Yeah, I'm constantly worried about being bothersome or stalkerish when I'm talking to people. I really doubt that I am but I feel like I'm almost too sensitive when talking to people. Unfortunately I live in a small town so there are few girls that I don't really know. It's really hard to find anyone even slightly appealing to even talk to where I live. It feels like half of our school spends all their time smoking and posting about it on Facebook. Everyone else I've ever been interested in is happily dating someone. Looking at some of the things this girl has posted makes me think that we click on many different levels. It's hard not to look at her as a goal but I understand why it's important not to. Something happened to someone related to her so I selfishly used that as an excuse to talk to her again... I can't get to her in real life so I have to message her. I know where her locker is but she never uses it. Anyway, I asked her how she was holding up and she replied with a typical response, you know... "good, thanks for asking :)". I tried to continue the conversation a little more but she really didn't seem interested. I made a little remark and just got a one-word response back. I regret this now but I followed up with "sorry we've only ever talked via messages, the opportunity just never seems to arise to talk in person". She then says "haha it's okay", so I'm feeling pretty bummed out over everything right now. Maybe I'm overthinking it again. She could have been preoccupied.
Author card Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 I think I've been focusing on her way too much. For a while now I've been generally pretty sad and thinking about her has given me hope and now that that hope is diminishing (at least in my mind) I'm feeling kind of empty. Doing some hobbies would probably help me but I don't feel all that motivated.
Author card Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 Over the past few months I've even lost a lot of excess weight just so that I could feel like I'm good enough for her physically but it feels like it's been for nothing now. I feel like I'm not allowed to be happy, you know?
johnpatric Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Relax. Try not to think too much about it. Girls are not flawless gifts sent down from heaven. Go to all your classes and scout out at least 8 girls in each class that you would like to get to know and at least 1 or 2 in each class that you would like to date. If your teacher gives you assigned seats it's a good thing. If you do not have assigned seats, then, however tempting it may seem to sit in a big group of guys that you know, sit next to maybe just one guy that you know. If you are sitting next to a girl (which hopefully you are) then try to talk to her. While talking to a girl, try not to think about her female assets, or anything sexual as this may make you nervous. Think of her as a good friend, at least for now. Another good trick to start a conversation with a girl is to look at what she's wearing (though not in a weird, creepy way). Wait until one of your friends is in a conversation with a girl. Okay, so now you have some friends that are girls. Now what do you do if you're still not 100 percent confident around around girls? Once you are comfortable around girls you need to make girls as much a part of your social life as guys. Call them up and if you are going out with some friends invite her along. However, if you want to be more than friends with a girl, talk to her as much as you can without falling into the friend zone (if she's shy then make her laugh). 1
chados Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Don't make excuses to talk to her. And don't make excuses after you've talked to her. There's nothing you need to apologize for. So what if she's not interested? You're talking to her one person to another. There's nothing to be afraid of. I don't know if it was a good idea to ask her in that way. Again it seems like you know her. You got all the time in the world to get a girl. Trust me on this. It seems hopeless but don't worry. Instead figure out who's right for you before you start dating. People change in a relationship. You read her posts and think she's perfect. You get together and realize she's not. Get to know someone that's nice and get to know her.
Author card Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 It's not that I'm not confident around girls or anything like that. Maybe a little awkward around ones I really like, but that's fairly normal. Two of my best friends are girls. When I said that my school is small I really meant it; there's probably a maximum of 8 girls in each of my classes, and many of them overlap. Very few I would like to get to know. There are only two in any of my classes I've ever been interested in dating but they've been taken for a while. Chados, I think you may be right about how I should wait. I just crave some kind of affection and I have another year before I can go off to college. It is possible that she's a completely different person in real life than online, which would be a disappointment. I'm really picky in the personality category, unfortunately. It's easy to be friends with someone who may be different than you in that way but if I'm planning on spending much of my time with the person in question then I really want them to get me. Also, I'm not really sure what you mean by 'I'm not sure it was a good idea to ask her in that way'. I didn't ask her out or anything like that, I just made a comment that I don't get a chance to talk to her in person. I guess that could be interpreted as an invitation but I don't think I phrased it in such a way.
chados Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Maybe I was mistaken. You asked her online how she was doing? I thought you walked up to her. What I mean is to use that as an excuse to talk to her. If she understood you asked her because of something that happened to someone close to her. It could just be a little to much you know. All im saying is to not make comments like you know her. I understand what you're going through. But you need to learn to be comfortable around people you don't know. You don't need a girlfriend. You only want one, mostly because of the breakup. There's so many people out there. Go have fun and meet more of them. Doesn't mean you have to leave this girl out.
Author card Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 It's not anything really personal, and our whole school knows about it. It's hard to explain but it was part of some program. Again, there really aren't people to meet where I live. It's not an extremely small town but small enough so that everyone has eachother added on Facebook or whatnot so you get an idea of who they are by their posts. I'm not saying that's a good way to get to know somebody at all but it certainly helps. Most people here I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole.
hatem10 Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Just relax man. Approaching isn't such a big deal. Don't approach her in the frame of 'trying' to get her. Just be yourself. Get used to approaching girls and eventually it will become second nature. Just do it! Joe
chados Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 Yeah but there's always someone out there. Doesn't have to be in the town. Being single is great too. Enjoy it while you can. It's easy to say as an outsider that you can be happy without a relationship but it's true. The more you put in to your head that you can't be alone the worse it'll get. The breakup made you weak but that's not a reason to jump in to another. Go out there and talk to people. Just be friendly like I said and the guy above me just said. Mindset = You're just a talkative guy:) nothing else
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